Straight Talk for Women on the Spectrum

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Hello everyone! What a wonderful thread! I am 38 with a new diagnosis and am so happy to have found wp after a frentic search for more info. Books are important, but as you all have mentioned, not always the real deal...you all are!
In response to the after work/end of the day exhaustion for holding it all together and sensory issues I found that the add med vyvanse helped me quite a bit. I have been diagnosed alongside my children and add was the first one. It is still accurate along with as, for sure. Anyway, the best side effect of the med was that I would no longer collapse into sleep as soon as I got home (there is no need to buy pj's when you always fall asleep in your clothes). It keeps me more intact to deal with house and kids. I have more insomnia, but I take it as an acceptable tradeoff.
Just wanted to throw that out there for anyone who wants another med! Also a very hot shower after work can keep me going until the kids are in bed.
Hope you all are well!

I read hungrily through this entire long thread because it was so nice to read about women like me! I'm especially interested to read about "burn out" because I experienced that in 2009-2010. I'm only 37, though, but I have a bipolar partner who was having an especially hard time during that same time, which added a whole lotta stress. I was lucky enough to start at a company at age 20 and wiggle my way into positions that were increasingly suited to me, until I was outsourced (sold to a 2nd company in order to do the same work for the original company), who then shoved me into decreasingly suitable positions until they finally laid me off/fired me. I thought it was the major depression I developed that was to blame for losing my job, but in reality the depression probably stemmed from the job, among other things. Now I am fortunate enough to be on disability (fortunate in the sense that I really need it and totally felt like I would qualify, which I did, quite quickly). So now I have at least 3 years to get myself together and find a suitable career. I should be a writer, so I am working on writing a book and getting it published, in between sleeping and trying to keep myself clean and fed. I also have anxiety, fibromyalgia, and arthritis which add to my disability. I got dx'd with AS as part of my therapy for depression, kind of by surprise. But it answers so many questions! It's a pleasure to meet you all and I hope to get to know you all.

InTheDeepEnd
It is nice to meet you, too and to hear another female voice. I hope your book writing goes well! I am a painter and recently began to work again after a long time. Though I still maintain a home for my son, follow routines for that - and try to take care of myself properly, I am now finding time to work, too. I mean paint that is. It feels very good and fresh again though my eyes do not work as well as when I was young. Do you do something for the arthritis? - I've heard exercising can help that and certain supplements. I find that fish oil helps my anxiety and just overall well-being.
PiriReis Hello to you as well. I use hot showers like that too - like hot tea for my outer body or something. :)
ah, I can't spell or type today. sorry for all the edits.

Hi mntn13! What do you paint and do you like oils, acrylics, watercolors? I love to draw if I can focus long enough but I haven't gotten the hang of paint yet. I have inflammatory arthritis, and I take a pain med daily. I am very sensitive to meds so even though the doc told me I can take two a day, I do fine on one. The meds make me really sleepy so there's no way I could take two! Exercise makes my pain worse, maybe because of the fibromyalgia. I finally learned to swim a couple of years ago and loved to do that before the pain got bad. I ran away from the Y because of all the children, but there is a rehab hospital nearby with a pool so I'm going to look into that. Maybe swimming will help since it's no-impact. I have a weight problem so I need to exercise to lose weight. It's a complicated situation. Fish oil sounds like a good idea. My partner takes it so I'll "borrow" some of hers for a while to see if it helps.

I edited this. It seemed presumptuous. :oops: Hope this is better. I draw and paint, sometimes from life, sometimes from my sketchbooks which came from the outdoors for the most part. In anotherwords I re-design my own drawings and make them into paintings. Also draw stuff at home - plants, still life, clouds, cats, my kid, sometimes I get into an obsession with making caricatures of peoples' faces from the television. I cannot do these from live people; but it's like my brain enjoys warping the characteristics of their facial structure; especially if I am in an angry mood. ha.

the national institutes of health website says the supplement SAMe 200 mg twice per day can help with arthritis pain. it may take a month to work, however.

Hello, everyone!

My name is Carla, and I'm the moose that started this thread last year. I've always loved moose and felt a special kinship with these huge awkward creatures. They remind me of what it's like trying to blend in and hold down a job when you feel like everyone's staring at you and noticing your awkwardness. Anyway, I disappeared on everyone just when I was starting to make new friends here. There are three reasons for this:

1) My blog was launching, and despite trying to do this for three years, I once again talked myself out of it and started feeling really hopeless and lost. The only true way I can express myself is by writing, and I write to be read. But I went through some serious self-doubt and pulled down my blog just days after it launched.

2) As always I was struggling with my job. I've now been there for an entire year, which is an accomplishment for me. My one-year anniversary (just a few days ago) was a big, big deal. Anyway, most of the people I work with are almost half my age (I'm 41) and have goals and career ambitions. I'm just there to earn a paycheck. It's a super great company and I'm decently settled, but still ... it's way outside my comfort zone and a sensory overload.

AND ...

3) This one's a shocker. Are you sitting down? You don't really know me, although it feels like you do because of that thing we all have in common ... but I'm really amazed and excited to announce that I am now a married woman!! My husband Rich and I knew each other barely three months when we eloped at a local courthouse on New Year's Eve. (We met around the time I started this thread; hence my rapid disappearance.) I couldn't bare the thought of a formal wedding or getting married in front of people we know. Too uncomfortable and overwhelming for me. So we eloped.

All of these things really distracted and overwhelmed me. I didn't know how to balance these emotions and the challenges of learning how to have a partner alongside the usual stuff I deal with day by day. But every day I thought about this forum and the peace it gave me when I was here. So I promised myself I'd come back to this thread once things settle down and I'm ready to launch my blog for reals this time. Tomorrow night it'll be ready. I need this so darn much. Well, I'm really hoping others will trickle back to this thread. I was starting to collect some questions to add to the original post to help give us some focus in our discussions. Please let me know if you have any contributions.

Carla

Hello, again ...

I've been poking around a bit in the forums and am wondering if something has changed or shifted. Is this mostly a forum for people in their 20s? I'd love hearing from anyone on WP, but I'm especially hoping to meet women on the spectrum in their 30s or older. I'm really feeling a bit on my own in my self-diagnosis and am very much lacking support, aside from my husband. Please say hello and let me know how you're doing.

Carla

Hi LovesMoose, I think the demographic on here is younger, and it is quite frustrating. It all depends on which forum you're in, though. And, I hate to say this, but I think autism ret*ds social development and so some people, though chronologically contemporary, act more like teenagers.

I was so glad you started this thread and I'm very glad you're back!

mv, F, 44

Hello - post moved from introductions

"Hello LovesMoose I'm in my 30's and am beginning to accept that there is a strong chance I am on the spectrum. I really struggle with most forms of social communication, except the virtual kind. I especially struggle with phones for some reason. I am very much a creature of routines and can get very absorbed in "interests". I am very sensitive to light and sound, which can often trigger migraines aswell, and also to taste and smell. I'm sensitive to products and touch, although I seem to be under-sensitive to pain for some reason (not going to complain about that though!)

I'm quite bad at maths and technology, although I have an excellent memory for numbers and random bits of information and I seem to be very good at picking up languages. If I'm really freaked out by something I do struggle to talk at all, but I think I learned to talk at the usual time and learned to read very young. I don't seem to have any manual dexterity issues, although I'm very clumsy and have no sense of balance or direction!

Anyway, I'm new to the forums, although I've been lurking for a while, so I thought I'd say hello and congratulations on your happy marriage "

I'm amazed how many women are on here actually as I was under the distinct impression that women on the spectrum were a very small minority so it's lovely to come across so many around

Hi Clumsy ~

Thanks for pasting your comment in this thread. We had a fair amount of participants last winter. If they start trickling back here, I think you'll really feel inspired when you learn about these women. Just browsing through this thread motivates me to share my story. I don't know if you've read about this or not, but only a small percentage of women are actually diagnosed as having a spectrum disorder. That's why so many of us are self-identified. I would say it's very, very challenging offering a true and accurate diagnosis of women, especially women in their late 20s and older. My blog I keep trying to find the courage to launch is going to focus on my own journey as someone who self-identified in the last two years. I want more and more women to share their stories so that a collective story begins to develop that can really help the researches and medical professionals gain a deeper insight into this very complex world. And although some of us may not truly have Aspergers, we know ourselves best, and for me I'm going to have enough to share and reveal in my writing that it would be difficult for some of these folks to argue that I'm NOT on the spectrum.

So, so much to say on this. I'm THIRSTY for more women to jump back in here and get this thread rolling along. Maybe there are other forums elsewhere, which I'd love to know about. But Wrong Planet has a huge number of young people who won't be young forever, and so if some of them were to wander over to this thread and browse around a bit, they might take away some helpful insights.

Okay, must walk the dogs.

Have a great day!!

Carla

LOVES MOOSE on TWITTER
LOVES MOOSE on FACEBOOK

This seems to be true lately on all the forums I belong to. There must be a big influx of young users frequenting forums or something. I used to find much wider range in ages. Maybe all those my age are just on Facebook now. I feel out of place on most forums lately.

I'm also self-diagnosed, and what convinces me is going over memories of my childhood, happening onto memories of things I'd completely forgotten and thinking, wow, that was Aspergers! Sometimes it catches me by surprise. The signs were so much more pronounced then. But I still don't make friends, and I still experience sensory overload. I learned to adapt socially when I had to, but it takes a lot out of me, so I avoid it. When among strangers, I'm almost that child again.

Edited to add:

I had some dreams recently that sent me back to some yearbooks from junior high and high school, examining my friendships (and lack of them) then. The people I hung around were simply those who showed the slightest interest in me or were kind enough to let me be with them during lunch and breaks between classes. They didn't know a thing about me, since I barely said a word. I never socialized with them after school. (I did that to a very limited degree in elementary school, with one or two friends, and so rarely it was more like a single visit to someone's home in the entire time I knew them, and walking to and from school together.) Looking back I realize now that my "best" friend in high school was someone I didn't even really like or have that much in common with, that I settled on her because she put up with me and was a bit of an odd duck herself. Earlier, in junior high, I'd had a friend for a while that I liked a lot, really wanted to stay friends with. But over one summer that I didn't see her at all, she became close with another girl, and when school started I felt left behind to a great degree. We didn't happen to have as many classes together, so we drifted apart. I think even now, decades later, that if I'd just been a little more sure of myself, a little more socially capable, I could have kept that friendship alive. I even find myself wondering where she is today.

I recall that even getting people to sign those yearbooks was a completely alien and awkward thing for me, and a lot of people wrote that they had never spoken to me or didn't know me but thought I must be a very sweet person. They're yearbooks basically signed by familiar strangers.

I have at times been so envious of people who keep their school friends for their entire lives.

One of my short-term school friends from middle school works with my husband. She's a great, great lady. Back in the day, though, we probably stopped being friends because of me. I've always been kind of bossy and needing to control things. I don't think I've ever been a good friend and, like you, always feel envious of people who have life long friendships that started when they were young.

Something that is starting to bother me is the lack of easy to find first-person blog posts or articles written by women with Aspergers. I'd love to start collecting links if anyone has any recommendations. I have a resources page on my blog and it's starting to feel very empty. I'm a resource, as is anyone else in this forum. So if you have a blog and write very openly about Aspergers, please post a link here, too.

Carla

LOVES MOOSE on TWITTER
LOVES MOOSE on FACEBOOK

That would be good. I'm sorry to say I know of very few, but I think I may have a few links to share if I hunt them down in my feed reader. I'm newish to the spectrum as well, just realized it fits my oddities a few years ago (in my 50s) after a crisis led me to research why I have major meltdowns now and then. I'm working on a very personal project I call my journal project, going back over memories - as well as some of my parents' (I have some of their old calendars they gave me before they passed on), and recalling some of the story of my life. It's not specific to Aspergers, more a post-middle-age Jungian journey of a sort. It's very personal, so I'm not sure I'll be willing to share that much, but if a pattern develops that I think worth sharing, then maybe.... I haven't blogged about any of it to this date.

Update: Here are some links from my feed reader, but please note I'm not a regular reader or commenter, so I'm not certain these are all strictly Asperger's or autism related, although I'm fairly certain they're all written by women.

Andrea's Buzzing
Autist's Corner
Cat In a Dog's World
Whose Planet Is It Anyway?
Journeys with Autism
Urocyon's Meanderings

P.S. I look forward to adding your blog to my feeds when it's up and running.

Just wanted to say hi here too.

I've a much longer post about me on the introductions page.

I've really enjoyed reading this thread and hope I can contribute here.

Love Mooses congratulations on your marriage - I hope you're very happy.

I've been married to my SO for other 8 years but we're approaching 20 years together.

He's my closest friend.

I haven't managed to keep close female friends either (I only really had one for about year when I was 10). This is partly the fact I find it hard to trust people, that I'm a bit quirky I think and that I have what one friend called a 'boys brain' - I don't tend to want to talk about girly stuff.

There have been another couple good friends was I fairly close too for a while but they then moved a long way away / emmigrated and I haven't done well with staying in touch.

I tend to have serial acquaintenances who I can arrange to meet for coffee on occasion. Who these people are changes and I usually seem to infrequently contact them rather than them me. I'm always on the edge of any social group they might have.

I never have more than about 3-4 female friends who even make the 'coffee list'.

Me and my SO also have a very small number of joint good friends (all male) with whom we share a special interest. We meet very sporadically - often less than once a year - (none live nearby) but when we do, we talk as if we met just yesterday. We don't communicate by email much either.

I've also moved around a bit over the years too and not been good at staying in touch when I move.

I've kind of got used to having such a small group of friends but it can get lonely some times.

I do enjoy my own company.

Sometimes I miss having a woman I could arrange to just meet and chat though, but I've kind of stopped trying hard to have close friendships now.

Spirit and Talks to Cats ~

I'm so glad to hear from you. Thanks for the links and everything you've shared. The internet has given us a bit of a safe haven in being able to connect with other women like this. This is really nice.

Here's something I posted in another thread and wanted to share here:
_________________________

I just watched some video clips of news shows featuring people with Aspergers. Every single person looked like they were "off" and had something wrong with them. I mean absolutely NO offense whatsoever towards these people, but come on ... these are the people the general public are seeing when Aspergers and autism is mentioned, and I see this same thing playing out over and over again.

This annoys the heck out of me. One news show interviewed a guy whose lower button on his shirt was undone and gaping open. Despite their makeup and wardrobe people who are there to correct things like this, they put that man in front of the camera with his disheveled shirt, framing how their audience should view people on the spectrum. This is shameful media stage setting at its worst.

No wonder my mother refuses to accept that I have Aspergers. Her understanding of an autism spectrum disorder has been skewed by popular media.
_________________________

Carla

LOVES MOOSE on TWITTER
LOVES MOOSE on FACEBOOK