Help with a old friend that wants more.

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I'm having trouble with some guy I went to school with that I didn't speek to more then ten times in the 8 or so years we went to school together. I just started a facebook page a few weeks ago and have been in touch with a few of my old friend just a how have you been kind of thing. When Mark sent me a invite I didn't think anything of it. He and I never had trouble with each other and I never thought he had a crush on me in fact I thought he was trying to get line on a girl that was friend with both of us and I thought he had a crush on for years. Now everytime I log on I have to shut the chat of or he's IMing me and say things about me having kids with him.... I'm married and have two children and even if I wasn't he's realy not my type it's not a looks thing it's a that we have nothing in common never have. I don't want to hurt his feelings but also don't want him to show-up on my doorstep. This is upsetting my husband a great deal and I can't blame him it would upset me too if some woman was doing the same thing with him. I've told Mark I'm married and devoted to my family this just seemed to fuel the idea of me baring his childern . I've also told him I'm unable to have more childern this also didn't seem to bother him much. Then I posted fat pitcures of myself hoping to turn him off but he thinks that I get back to where I was in highschool < I was a 86 lbs and had a eating disorder>. The only thing holding back being blunt with him is I've been sure for years he has AS and have even told him about this site. I don't want to hurt him but the long this goes on I don't see how I can avoid it. Does anyone see a way I can tell him we are never ever going to be a couple with out causing too much damage? I was just going to keep avoiding him until he emailed me that he wanted to travel to New Mexico from VA to see me.

Umm... my opinion as a random person on the internet?

I think it's better to be blunt and risk hurting his feelings rather than stretch a messy weirdness out, aspie or no. You need to say that there's no chance of you and him (and his babies) happening, and if he still refuses to take 'no' you should unfriend or block him.

It sounds mean, but it's not meant that way. Him deluding himself that it will happen and obsessing on your page is hurting the friendship between both of you and it'll be more painful/uncomfortable the longer it goes on. These behaviours are feeding his obsession. Also it will be harder to tell him no if you put it off.

Make it clear, make it brief, and don't give reasons or be 'kind' because if you leave any ambiguity or use excuses he'll make it mean what he wants to hear. And you don't want to be in that position where he won't back off or accept that you said no. It's scarily intense.

I'm sorry to hear that this situation has happened with an old friend. And I'm sorry you'll have to be so firm with him to stop it. Also you might want to get other people to support you with this, whether it be to talk to them about it, or to stand with you while you tell him "No".

But you can ignore this post if you want, I'm just someone on a forum and can't tell you what to do.

Looks to me like you're beyond the point where you should worry about hurting his feelings. You've made your position clear to him ... why respond to him any further at all? You don't owe him anything.

And regarding him showing up on your doorstep ... he doesn't have your address, does he?

My opinion- play the conservative card. Engage him in conversation and let him know how evil you think divorce is (even if you don't, there's always the point that for autistic kids, you'd be kinder to kill the children than give them divorced parents), and how much you love your kids. Find an obsession of your own and bore him to death with it. He'll soon leave you alone.

Thankyou all for responding, I'm just going to bluntly tell him I'm never going to leave my husband and even if pete left me I'm never going to even date again. I don't think he has my adress and I'm living on a Airforce base for the time being so he's have to get past a gate to even come close to were I live. If this doesn't do the trick I'll block him and if need be get rid of my facebook page. Thankyou all again sometimes it just helps to hear what needs to be done from a outside source.

Why tell him anything? Honestly, it looks like you're never going to get this guy to leave you alone by persuasive argument. Block him on facebook and every other form of contact.

You may feel bad for ending the friendship, but if this carries on, it could seriously compromise your marriage. This guy doesn't deserve politeness or consideration!

edit; whoops, just read that you were planning on blocking him if the argument fails. I still maintain that blocking should be the first step in this case though...

Thankyou, I've told him that there is noway I'll every be anything but his friend so far I haven't heard back from him I'm hoping it stays this way. One of my other friends said his wife had to block this guy as well. He kept I.M.ing her as well but it was more he wsa bugging her then hitting on her and a girl we all went to school with also cut him out when he showed up at her place in H.I. <a long flight from VA> thinking they had something so this guy isn't all there anymore it's not just me.