What's the big deal about weddings and marriage ?

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I don't get why some women get so crazy about weddings. First of all, they seem like a nightmare to plan, it seems ridiculous to make so much fuss over one day in your life, they're expensive, and after the wedding and honeymoon, the relationship seems to go downhill from there. Why invest in something that takes so much time and effort and is probably not going last anyway? Can anyone explain this fixation on weddings and marriage to me?

I don't get it either. I got married at the courthouse because everytime I even thought about just the planning aspect of a wedding, I would get all anxious and nutty not to mention my mother was driving me nuts about it too, so my husband said F it we are going to the courthouse. I don't regret it at all.

Now next weekend we are going to a friends wedding. She's been stressed out freaked out mess over it. I don't get it. My whole family is in the wedding party, I'm a bridesmaid, my daughter is a flower girl, son is a ring bearer, and my husband is the officiator. At first it was stressing me out, all of this family thing. Everyone kept telling me to back out, but I don't want to ostrisize myself either, kwim, so once the bridesmaid dress was bought I calmed down a bit.

Then came the invite to the bachelorette party, at which point I was informed that the wedding party would have to wear red. That set me off again. I don't wear red, I don't own anything red and shopping is a nightmare for me. I actually made my dress, and it's not obnoxious red and something I can deal with, thank god my focus is sewing and I can just 'lose' myself in it.

So over all, seeing this thru my friend. I still don't get it and am very happy and glad that I went to the courthouse. I don't feel like I missed out on anything or deprived myself of any 'experience' unless depriving yourself of massive stress is a bad thing

I feel the same way. My first marriage was at the courthouse. My second marriage was at a public venue, and cost my family a lot to pull off. Both marriages went downhill.

I feel I'm with the one I want to spend my life with, he feels the same way, but we are not sure "marriage" is the thing for us.

I don't want to get married when I'm older, I just want a long term partner. I don't see the point in weddings, anyway it's quite common for the couple's sex life to go out the window once they're married.

I think the appeal for NT brides is being the center of attention for a whole day, being showered with gifts and told she's beautiful by everyone and generally being admired and envied by others. Of course AS women don't generally enjoy any of those things, so a traditional wedding would seem kind of pointless.

Monkey, it only goes out the window once the kids come lol. Only cause both parties are too tired to care at the end of the day

I never wanted a wedding, I've never fantasized about weddings, and I've never talked about dream weddings with other girls, much to their dismay.

But what do I do now when I am engaged to a man who has always dreamed of having a big elaborate wedding, and a family who insists it's TRADITION to have big elaborate weddings?

Let them plan it, and put yourself in charge of registering the gift list?
It sounds like way too much fuss for me, ever.

The only reason I got married was that it was the most convenient way to make my significant other be my next of kin. I didn't feel comfortable with my parents having more power over me than someone I chose.

We were married in a courthouse but taking vows about my personal life in front of anybody I found distasteful.

Wow, I never thought there were any men out there who actually cared... I always considered myself a great catch for many reasons including that one. Now I hope that when I find the right man for me, he'll have the same views on weddings as I do, meaning, keep it simple. I don't want any kind of ceremony or guests, just go to the courthouse to make it official, which I don't even think is necessary, but I want to. It makes it harder for him to run away should he change his mind

My problem with weddings is not even all the planning and the stress it entails. It's mainly all the money that is wasted (yes, it is a waste) in a ritual that means nothing to us aspies. I think that's nothing but a materialistic display to impress others, and since most of us are not trying to impress anyone, it's completely pointless. I'd rather spend the money on a great honeymoon, and focus on building a good life together, which considering how individualistic I am, would be the greatest challenge. In other words, I'm pro-marriage and anti-weddings. Also, as a feminist, I can't stand all the symbolism involved in the religious ceremonies. White dress, hello? Oh, and I don't want a diamond ring either.

I don't get the point of weddings either.

one thing that bugs me about weddings is the relatives and friends of people getting married that try and force their opinions onto the couple getting married.. like for example on this TV show where women pick out their wedding dresses one woman said that her mother told her that she would not attend the wedding if the daughter wore a pink wedding dress. Like come on its her day let her wear whatever she wants!

if i ever get married I would have the wedding at pop culture convention and encourage my guests to cosplay as whatever character they want. (because it would make an interesting photo album)

I would like to second that and add that huge weddings justify the bride's insatiable (sp?) urge to shop for and buy outrageously expensive articles of clothing that they only hope to wear once.

I always found weddings to be offensive (for soooooo many reasons) and stagey, so I'd never have one. I would think that if I found someone willing to marry me, he'd be happy to just go and fill out whatever paperwork needed to be done and skip a wedding. Aren't guys usually fairly irritated by this wedding BS anyway?

But then I wonder.... "Eh... what if he has a big family who needs to show up... like a niece who wants to be flower girl... a mother who's been waiting for this..."

Then I think about becoming a nun.

You notice the proposal question on TV is never "Will you be married to me?" It's always "Will you marry me?" implying the event of ONE day. Interesting.

It just bothers me how much importance some people put on the wedding rather than the marriage. I know of people dropping amounts on a wedding that they could use on a house. It's nuts.

I think I would like a small and tasteful wedding. I know people who've had nice weddings on a very small budget. Basically the wedding ceremony means whatever you want it to mean, and it's really up to the individuals.

I don't think there's as much societal pressure these days to get married anyway, so yall don't need to be so hostile. Nobody's pointing a gun at your head and forcing you to get married, and don't give me any crap about media pressure either, only insecure idiots whine about that.

I think in this day and age, there are so few rituals and ceremonies anymore that weddings fulfill some kind of primal, tribal need for a group of people to be united in a common purpose, and NTs may desire this more than Aspies. The ceremony is more for the families or communities of the bride and groom than the couple themselves. This isn't necessarily good or bad either way, it's just the way things are for a lot of people.

The white dress tradition was started by people imitating Queen Victoria who was the first woman of the modern era to wear a white wedding dress. Before then, women just wore their best or most expensive dress that they later wore as an evening gown. White initially just symbolized purity of the heart in general, not specifically virginity until later in the 20th century. Whether or not Victoria was still a virgin at 21 is something we'll never know.

Quoted from Wikipedia:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_wedd ... traditions

it's so nice to be in a place where most everyone thinks like me. <3<3

This my third marriage to my wife of 2 and half years. We have no children as she has past the age of child bearing however I have 4 children from my first marriage and perhaps a bastard from my time in Mexico