guys keep hitting on me/ unwanted attention.

Post Reply New Topic

When i go out in public guys start talking to me and subtlety try to ask me out.
When i dress nice this problem grows to a massive problem. I have a boy friend and honestly i don't know how to get some of these men to leave me alone!
I mention i have a boyfriend but some of them wont go away. I have trouble being mean so i cant get them to leave me alone. I end up getting stressed by it.



My boyfriend says i get this attention cause I'm pretty and kind. I don't think I'm above average in looks and i just don't know why i get all this attention.
I think I'm missing some kind of social rule that prevents men from having an opportunity to hit on women.

How to i fix this?! any advice?

Maybe when you tell them you have a boyfriend you need to tell them more firmly. Let your tone of voice say 'END OF DISCUSSION'.

Maybe try walking away and act as disinterested as possible

Noa x

Well, not being female I may be unqualified to speak to this, but I think if someone pestered me that way in public, after telling them once, maybe twice I was not available, I'd just calmly take out a can of pepper spray, give 'em a short blast in the eyes and walk away.

What part of NO can some people not understand?

most women just get fat.
that usually stops it.

(sorry I can't be more positive about it)

That is good advice. The problem is i worry I am misunderstanding there intentions, because sometimes it is very subtle.

Like today i was at the grocery store. My mom is on oxygen and cant walk far and my back is so bad that i can lift much.

So i asked an employee of the store to help get the food into our car. The store offers this as a service but you have to ask for it.

So as we were walking out he turns and says "so what are you doing tonight?"
I said " I'm sorry what did you say?"
He said "what are you doing tonight?"
I stopped panicked and said "I don't know".
he said "are you going on vacation?" i said "yes I'm going to see my boyfriend this summer"

I take that opening to tell him i have a boyfriend and hope he wont ask any more personal questions.
I don't know why he asked what I'm doing tonight but It sounded as if he wanted to go out with me.

I might have been reading to much into it but i just cant tell. And more often then not they do ask me out and i just get stressed by it all.
It stresses me so much that i don't like going anywhere because of it.

I know this sounds like a pathetic problem but i find it truly upsetting.

I know that most women must have this problem but know how to avoid it. But i don't know how to avoid it.

but there must be something I'm doing wrong, to attract so much attention.

I never were cloths with cleavage and i never where short skirts. If i dress up it is by wearing a long dress that covers me well. or a skirt that goes past my knees.

Meanwhile there are loads of girls going around with cleavage and revealing cloths, girls who are thinner and prettier then i am.

This is why i assume i am letting myself be an easy target somehow without realizing it.

It is because i seem nervous ?

I know I'm missing some kind of social rule of some sort i just need to know what it is.

There was a guy i wanted to pepper spray. He said something to very very vulgar to me and i cursed at him and he laughed at me for it.

He was in his car at a red light when it happened . I had to resist the urge to break his car windows. This was not the first guy to do such a thing but i had had enough.

just-me wrote:


The problem is i worry I am misunderstanding there intentions, because sometimes it is very subtle.


Yeah, I was always afraid of embarrassing myself by incorrectly assuming I was being hit on. But now I figure if my self esteem is that low and I still think I'm being hit on, then I'm probably being hit on.

I wasn't kidding, just-me. I wasn't being sarcastic or smart alec. Look around you, ask big women. Some will be honest about it. I am.

Merle

Probably not - it's most likely just because us guys are barely-civilised animals at the core.


And probably graceful and feminine as well.
Boyfriend is right.

You may have a beautiful spirit that is such a great contrast to what they usually encounter.

Sometimes us guys will send out signals without really being aware of how we are coming across.
It's part instinctual, really.

I can thoroughly relate, just-me! I am 50 and still getting hit on, and stalked. Like you, I feel that I am average in looks, and not even looking very friendly, half the time. I get stared at, have remarks called after me as I walk by, and I get followed by scary looking people. My solution is to carry pepper spray, the kind that sprays the perpetrator with red ink. I have flatly told people to f**k off, or I'm calling the police. I also show that I am carrying the pepper spray. Believe me, when you get older, it gets easier to be firm, even downright rude. Less to lose, I guess.

i honestly cant say ive had your problem and i doubt i ever will with my looks

I used to get alot of unwanted male attention, too. I think I am pretty average in appearance.

Less people will approach me if I am:

coughing, sniffling, sneezing alot. (even if I am just pretending)
holding a cell-phone to my ear and talking into it (The phone doesn't have to be on.)
reading a book or a newspaper.
wearing large over-the-ear headphones connected to a music player. (The music player does not have to be on.)
wearing "emo" makeup and clothes. (Those pants with chains on them, black lipstick, thick eyeliner, and some black swirlies or fake tears falling from the eyes...)
maintaining an angry, grumpy, ugly face. Look like you're really in a bad mood!
holding my head up high, my shoulders back and walking "with a purpose".
wearing the ugliest clothes imaginable and also wearing a scarf that covers my face.


Some of those methods are way less convenient than others, but they all worked for me!

you should be more assertive. if you don't want to outright tell them off, just ignore their questions, or tell them that it's none of their business.

also- wear headphones.

I've found that if you walk like you have a purpose, and a facial expression that says you're in a bad mood when necessary, people will back off. I do that, and it works for me, but I've had to yell at someone to "F*** off!" before. I'd rather be labeled as a b*** and survive than to become a crime statistic.