AS Girlfriend has no interest in sex, please help

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I'm an 32 year old AS male who has a normal sex drive. My girlfriend is a 22 year old AS female who has zero interest in sex and zero interest in talking about sex. We have been together 4 months. We sleep together and kiss often. I believe we both have good chemistry together, i dont believe physical attraction is a problem. At first I tought it was just anxiety keeping us from being intimate but at this point in our relationship she is quite relaxed around me. I am starting to think based on a few comments she has made that she simply does not have any sexual desires and has never had sex.

I've tried several times to talk to her about this. I can't even get her to answer me as to what is wrong. I want to help her or give her the chance to help herself. I can imagine all her other relationships have ended over this issue and I feel terrible for her. She absolutely loves the relationship we are in and I love being in it with her. but our relationship is at a standstill for me emotionally because of the uncertainty. I dont want to go on without sex forever and its not fair to me and it would cause me problems if I tried it no matter how much I love her.

Are there any women out there who have had this issue? I dont want to end up frustrated and leave this girl I love. I've noticed this problem seems common on this forum. Are there any solutions? One woman said that they had to "practice" masturbating alone to start to have sexual feelings in their life. Should I suggest this to her? Did it help any of the girls out there?

I can relate to this myself as a guy I had some challenges with my first girlfriend because of delayed ejaculation that I had to practice/change my sexual behaviour. For me it took about 2 weeks of practice and I was fine. I am hoping there is something similar that AS girls have had luck with?

Please give me some way I can help my girlfriend. I dont want to be yet another boyfriend she loses. I dont want to lose this girl.

You've only been together 4 months though.

It has been my experience that most girls have sex with me in the first week to month of a relationship but I've mostly dated NT girls. I mean this girl and I sleep in the same bed half the week, its not like we aren't seeing each other seriously.

If its just a matter of giving her more time I'd feel some relief though, i'm more worried its a case of "never" and this will end in disaster

4 months isn't a long time for something so intimate. She may just not be ready yet, some people prefer to take it slow.

What were the comments and what prompted them? For now, it's probably best not to put too much emphasis on the issue.

I asked her if she's ever had sex, she either doesn't answer or tells me "I'm silly" or shakes her head. I asked her if she's ever horny and she says she never is.

There is a difference between being romantic and being sexual. Some people are interested in a romantic long term relationship that could involve long term dating and marriage, but not have any desire for sex. Some people might not feel it appropriate to have sex within the first year of a relationship. I know for me personally, I don't want to have sex with someone right away, especially if I haven't known them for two long.

I don't know anything about her reasons, so this might not apply, but there are certain topics I cannot discuss with anyone; particularly those relating to sex and sexuality. My parents did not know of my last relationship for this reason. There was a complete mental block there about mentioning anything related to the subject. Similarly, there are a number of strict secrets I have and cannot discuss with anyone, such as how I feel about my body; it would take some sort of communication savant to prise them from me or to have me naked and visible before them.

The lack of communication in my case is based on fear, oversensitivity, and not being able to predict how the other might feel or react, which makes it difficult to trust others. However, occasionally I will open up a little about some issue if a person demonstrates enough empathy. There are too many possibilities to consider as to why your girlfriend cannot discuss her issues (e.g., fear of losing you if she is asexual or just not ready). If her reasons are based on fear and difficulty judging others' intentions and thoughts, then it's possible she might communicate a little more once enough trust has been established.

Wow, that's exactly how I feel about those issues myself. I can't stand being seen without a shirt, because not only do I feel naked, but I also feel violated when seen without a shirt. It doesn't help that I have major body image issues. As for sex, I can't talk about it, save with someone I am completely comfortable around.

I agree that 4 months isn't a very long time; just because the other girls you've dated were willing to have sex sooner doesn't mean everyone is comfortable getting intimate so quickly. I don't know much about your girlfriend, so it's hard to say, but maybe she's just a late bloomer and doesn't feel ready to have sex yet. She's only 22, you're a lot older than she is and are more experienced with relationships. Why not just give her time? It seems awfully soon to be worrying about this...

I have noticed, alot of women on this board are like this.
I should also mention I did not have consensual sex until my late twenties. The reasons were pretty clear, I had childhood sexual trauma, on top of that I have a very low sex drive. I really don't think about sex very often. Even when I did have sex the first few times, it was more about giving it an honest try, than the fact I really wanted it. Does that mean I don't enjoy sex. I do, its great. But do I desire sex frequently...maybe once every six months I am in the mood. Does this mean I have sexual relations every six months...no something sexual happens between me and my partner at least once a week. I just had to come to know myself better sexually to get to this point, the fact I may only desire it on very rare occasions, did not mean I did not like it whenever I have had the chance.

I wish I can give you advice. Talking about it MAY help. But the truth is I know where she is coming from. I just got to the point were the wounds from my trauma when I was younger healed, and I thought it was time to try. Everybody though this is different. There is no real place to start, for alot of women her age this is an uneasy subject, especially when there is a low sex drive.

With the relationship I am in now...we have total and open communication, including the sex stuff. Then again...we kind of push boundaries there.

Also I should state this, no sexual relations in the first year is problematic. First few months...okay that makes sense. First year is unrealistic. I think that if folks needs are not being met, including sexual needs, in the a few months of the relationship, it is problematic. If you are holding off sex for a year, that is troubling to me. I only say this because I have been in a relationship where I held off sex for over a year, and the relationship ended up being a disaster. People are in relationships partly to fulfill sexual needs.

I didn't sleep with my husband till we had been together a year and a half, and looking back, I think even then I rushed it. Once we started we do it pretty frequently. But he waited like a gentleman, even when we were curled up together in a bed.

I will say this is rare. I think it would drive most people crazy in this day and age. Pushing somebody to wait that long for sex is troublesome, especially since I think it is a core part of many peoples relationships and relationship expectations. So waiting a year is unrealistic in most cases, and ill advised. I think at most it would be six months, but even that is seriously pushing it.

When I say sex, do I mean intercourse exclusively? No. I am meaning some type of consensual sex between two partners. There are plenty of ways this can happen, without including intercourse. Erotic massage is a good place to start. If she is not ready for intercourse yet, she is not ready, but that does not mean there are not other things to explore.

(By the way, I don't buy into the who virginity thing. Its an absurd social construct. I do believe that being in a romantic relationship of any kind means that the people in the relationship should get thier needs met, including sexually. Does this give another partner license to unnecessarily pressure another person into sexual activity they do not want: absolutely not. But it does mean that these needs need to be a part of an adult discussion. )

Doing it for the first time is a big decision, and not to be rushed into.
My husband didn't rush me in the slightest, and would have waited twice that or more if necessary.
I don't think anyone should rush into it.
Especially girls. If you rush in and don't feel comfortable emotionally, you are NOT going to enjoy it.
And if only one party is enjoying it... why do it? Surely men wouldn't want a woman to do that and hate it just for them to get their orgasm if waiting a while would mean they could both enjoy?

Not all men are considerate like yours, Azharia! I was traumatized, both in childhood and then as an adult, to the point that I totally shut down for a very long time. I had no drive to speak of, and avoided intimacy of any kind until I could heal. You are fortunate, indeed.

I don't think 4 months is time to start being worried that you haven't slept with her. And she's only 22, it wouldn't be strange if she was a virgin. The longest relationship I was in was almost two years and we never had sex. I know you're worrying about staying in the relationship because you aren't sure if you two will ever sleep together, but she may be worried about staying in the relationship because she feels pressured to sleep with you. I would just try asking her and explain you aren't trying to pressure her, that you just want to know if you two are on the same page. Maybe she doesn't want to have sex before marriage, that's something you could ask.