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Ai_Ling
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19 Aug 2011, 6:11 pm

I notice NT women are the types who will actively comfort someone and create a loving environmental. But on the other hand, if you get on their bad side, they are the types of who will more actively hate you whether its inside. But they will pretend to be all nice and stuff, they have more subtle techniques of showing hatred.

I notice that Im the female who gets actively hated against quite a bit due to my weirdness and lack of emotion. I have to say, women do scare me alot. When they demonstrating their caring sensitivities. I feel unstable at times, like they can turn against me at any moment. When they do turn on me its so subtle that I cant see it at first. For some reason, women have a bigger problem with a fellow female who appears aloof, expressionless and blunt.

What is so offensive about being female and appearing expressionless and not sugarcoating everything to death. Can someone explain to me this strange NT phenomenon?



Lucywlf
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19 Aug 2011, 9:41 pm

Yes, that is just too real. I get the same treatment too. I don't understand why you have to sugarcoat everything and can't mention anything that might make anyone uncomfortable--oh, and the least little thing you think is OK is _horrible_ to them, yet they're the ones who are deliberately mean.

Can we go off somewhere and build our own reasonable, rational female culture?



safffron
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19 Aug 2011, 9:42 pm

It's not my experience that all NT women are like this, but many are. The comfort and comradery seems to come at a price. There are always unspoken conditions. If you don't live up to those conditions, you'll end up in social Siberia.

I sometimes sense that those "caring sensitivities" aren't genuine and it puts me off. If the care is directed at me, I want to run away. It feels like an empty form of NT role play. But when the care truly comes from the heart, I can relax into it - at least somewhat. Then again, I often appear to be aloof, so few women notice or bother. I've been perceived as being "strong" even when I'm crumbling inside. I guess that comes from years of acting.

Ever hear the term "nasty nice"? Maybe it applies here. Women scare me too. I like to associate with plain speaking women and wish there were more of them.



sagan
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19 Aug 2011, 10:01 pm

They can't relate. The unknown seems bad to them. I'm not sure, I guess that is why ever single female friend I have ever had has been quite weird. Some NTs, some not, but being odd people themselves, they are slightly more open to different people.


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Ai_Ling
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19 Aug 2011, 11:57 pm

I posed the question to one of the few NT female friends I trust. And she said is cause women like to share emotions and get annoyed when their emotions are not getting reciprocated.

safffron wrote:
It's not my experience that all NT women are like this, but many are. The comfort and comradery seems to come at a price. There are always unspoken conditions. If you don't live up to those conditions, you'll end up in social Siberia.

I sometimes sense that those "caring sensitivities" aren't genuine and it puts me off. If the care is directed at me, I want to run away. It feels like an empty form of NT role play. But when the care truly comes from the heart, I can relax into it - at least somewhat. Then again, I often appear to be aloof, so few women notice or bother. I've been perceived as being "strong" even when I'm crumbling inside. I guess that comes from years of acting.

Ever hear the term "nasty nice"? Maybe it applies here. Women scare me too. I like to associate with plain speaking women and wish there were more of them.


Oh yeah, a classic example of that is when someone always pretends to be nice and cheerful. When they're pissed off, they talk under their breath while still maintaining the friendly cheerful tone. That scares the s**t outta me,



Rose_in_Winter
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20 Aug 2011, 6:45 am

My best female friend is an NT, and she's not like that at all. She has her own issues, so we can often reassure each other or talk openly about our anxieties. She is someone I can trust, which is extremely rare for me -- and for her too, but she knows she can trust me as well.

However, most of the NT women I've known have been exactly like the OP described. Sweet as anything at first then subtly horrible...it's only when I start hating myself that I realize how nasty they can be. NT women also tend to be very judgmental, which is the biggest problem I have with women. Men are fat less so, so I am more comfortable around men.

I have noticed that NT women tend to protest they are more comfortable around men, but they don't seem to mean it. They seem to have flocks of female friends they are totally comfortable around. I can't think why they say that, unless they are trying to free themselves of negative female stereotypes. Maybe it's just the "in" thing to say? (I wouldn't know.)

Gamergirls tend to stick together. I've gotten some flack from guys on occasion, and if there were other girls there, they usually stuck up for me. There's been less flack since Fragdolls...people no longer assume that pretty and feminine women are only good as booth babes. But gamergirls are usually different from the typical NT women in one way or another.



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20 Aug 2011, 9:39 pm

Quote:
I notice that Im the female who gets actively hated against quite a bit due to my weirdness and lack of emotion.


Happens every time to me. I can become good friends with someone, but as soon as they introduce me to their 'group' (or 'clique' as I call it,) then you can guarantee that there will be some alpha female who will try her damnedest to kick me out. Not that I ever get that far in for her leg to reach my arse, anyway. :roll:



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20 Aug 2011, 11:25 pm

OMG...that soooo common here in the south eastern US.
I thought it was just a southern thing 8O

Anyway...the ones here that anoy me to no end are the ones who have ezagerated graceful movements and talk like each word will melt on the end of their tongue. Interestingly enough, they are the worst back stabbers.
Whenever I see women like that, I just want to slap them and tell them to quit this stupid act and be real.
However men fall to these women in troves, so I guess it works for them. I couldn't be bothered enough.

But really, when I see these types, I am repulsed ...I guess from my many experiences with their true nature.

Jojo


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Ai_Ling
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21 Aug 2011, 3:39 am

I think within the last year or 2 Ive grown rather fearful of those women with sweet cheerful voices and when their actively trying to connect with you. Sometimes Im often trying to spot out the fake ones. To me its just this fake, tackiness, of sweet sugarness with a lack of substance. Its like wearing fake nails, having fake hair, whatever plastic like beauty s**t thats around. Its beautiful on the outside and rotten on the inside.



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21 Aug 2011, 9:24 am

I can relate 100% to the OP. NT women scare me too. I'm very close friends with a few of them but they're either geeks or rare examples of complete lack of judgementalism when it comes to others. most NT women are exactly the way you describe though.

it always catches me by complete surprise when they finally express their distaste for my behaviour - I'm not very good at noticing subtle messages and interpreting body language so I usually only realise how much I'd been actively hated when it really becomes too obvious. I'd usually be sure that everything's fine and not notice weird looks and verbal meanness, it all just goes over my head. then it would escalate and one day I'd be humiliated in front of a large group of people and I'd be so taken by surprise that I'd be unable to respond in any assertive way. usually later I'd find out that this person had been hating on me for a long time and that it was obvious to everyone :roll:

at university I was in an all-female class and it was hell, I've never felt so emotionally bullied in my life, and I come from a rough neighbourhood. I'd rather take on a dozen of physically agressive male bullies than a group of women who decide to make you the omega female.


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blueroses
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21 Aug 2011, 10:25 am

I don't have a single close NT female friend and haven't since I was in school. I've got a few work-related acquaintences I'm on friendly terms with, but don't feel I can really trust them. Or, relate to them in a meaningful way. I recognize that these feelings of unease or whatever you'd want to call it are due to the fact I am not being authentic around them and am just going through the motions, but I really don't feel I can be myself around them.



21 Aug 2011, 1:12 pm

Ai_Ling wrote:
I notice NT women are the types who will actively comfort someone and create a loving environmental. But on the other hand, if you get on their bad side, they are the types of who will more actively hate you whether its inside. But they will pretend to be all nice and stuff, they have more subtle techniques of showing hatred.

I notice that Im the female who gets actively hated against quite a bit due to my weirdness and lack of emotion. I have to say, women do scare me alot. When they demonstrating their caring sensitivities. I feel unstable at times, like they can turn against me at any moment. When they do turn on me its so subtle that I cant see it at first. For some reason, women have a bigger problem with a fellow female who appears aloof, expressionless and blunt.

What is so offensive about being female and appearing expressionless and not sugarcoating everything to death. Can someone explain to me this strange NT phenomenon?


NT women are just a lot more intolerant than NT men. I used to think that they would only hate on on men who are "weird" out of fear but I've come to realize that weird gals get hated on too(by NT women mostly). FYI, these women seem to dislike me too so join the club. I really wish aspie women would stay away from feminism because aspies need to learn to stick together for each other.



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21 Aug 2011, 1:33 pm

My [male] NT friend's explain this to me as; 'You're attractive, which already gets women's backs up, it could be salvaged only then they realise you're not like them, they just don't know how to relate to you so they don't try, or what to make of you so they see you as a threat'.

I generally dislike women, I make no attempt at disguising this - I have said often, if a woman can show me that being a woman isn't a bad thing then I'll change my views, but until then I'm taking no risks, I've had my life ruined one too many times by being friends with women. In society women are raised to take part in girl-hate, so on the one hand they may be all hugs and support, but any moment they will turn round and drag each other down. In school you could have female friends and could see when they were displeased with you, but as you go into high school women become more complex and prone to competitive behaviour...which in the mind of the Western female means pulling other women down, usually in an indirect way so that they are not thought of as being 'bitchy'.


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22 Aug 2011, 8:40 am

I have one NT female friend and that's it. We've been friends for almost seven years and she's more than enough feminine influence for me, even though she's probably even less girly than I am. Most NT females are so difficult to understand and even more difficult to get close to. In university, I was in 90% female classes most of the time and I always ended up talking to the men rather than the women, hence my complete lack of friendships post-uni. Because I find it very hard to talk to women I don't know and naturally gravitate more towards men, a lot of girls I thought I was on friendly terms with have called me a b***h. Perhaps it pisses them off that their boyfriends go out together on a 'guy's night out' and still invite me, I don't know really. I'm hardly likely to turn down an opportunity to socialise with people I do understand... I like being one of the guys more than I would ever like being part of such a backstabbing, two-faced group of women.



btbnnyr
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22 Aug 2011, 9:48 pm

Most of the time, I don't even feel like I'm of the same species as NT women. I can't relate to them at all. I can't even describe my interactions with them, because I have no idea what's going on in their minds during these interactions.



bluerose
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24 Aug 2011, 3:47 pm

Honestly, men and women are the same largely. If anything, men are less sympathetic, if you're ugly that is, like me. The only women I've ever had are NT women and none of them have been mean to me. Men are only friends with attractive women, for you know, their own reasons. I think if some of these "I only hang with men" type women weren't attractive they'd have zero friends. Women care about social skills and what's on the INSIDE, men only care about what's on the OUTSIDE.