Maternal-phobia

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Ok I dont know if this is the right term but I think I have a fear towards motherly women. Its hard to explain. I can spot out other women, my age and older who just have this very motherly, warm, cheerful, sweet, care taking qualities to them. And it scares me. I become some sorta scard aspie kid when around them. It gives me the creeps. It annoys me when females my age, go around babying me because they think I'm distressed or there's something wrong. I give off the distressed look a lot even when I dont intend to. It annoys me because its just degrading towards me. I'm almost 23 for goodness sakes. I dont need motherly NT women to go around trying to care for me and being overly sympathetic. At times, its like they dont know how to approach me, what am I to them some sorta weird insecure kid that happens to be in the body of an young adult? Like sometimes they'll awkwardly approach me with this baby voice and I wanna slap them in the face.

I also have a fear of having kids too, I fear babies crying. I fear panicking and not knowing how to take care of your kid. I dont think Im gonna have kids. So theres this who motherly thing that I have a distaste for. I dont wanna be mothered nor do I wanna be a mother.

Honestly I make a lot of posts about disliking NT women and I really dont dislike all NT women. As I think more and more about things. I really feel insecure to NT women at times, dont like their passive aggressive motherly domination. There are many NT women who are decent individuals who dont give me the creeps.

NT women can be like that. There are a few ways I've found to address this. For example, a generally cool persona....this shouldn't be very difficult for someone with AS. It says "Thanks, but I don't need your help." For women who are a lot older than you, I find it's best to just accept their mothering, even thank them for "helping" you. They usually aren't trying to be condescending and this is their way of trying to be friends with someone younger than they are. In the mean time, they usually secretly envy your youth. Accepting their mothering is also a great way of getting out of having to do things as they will usually want to do them for you.

If you feel the person is being condescending because they think you are mentally incompetent in some sort of way sometimes you have to be a little rude by using a bit of a harsh tone or sarcasm.



Concerning crying children, young infants cry to express that they need something. It usually indicates that they need to be fed, changed, or to indicate discomfort, illness, or need attention of some sort. But sometimes they just cry because they need to be held (there are evolutionary reasons for this). It's usually nothing to panic over. It's just their only way to communicate and it could take some time to figure out what they need or calm them down.

There are parenting classes to help teach people how to care for children.

I also feel very uncomfortable with many social affections - it is not my way to allow myself to be coddled by somebody especially aquaintances. I do not like casual hugging or touching intended to reassure, rather these advances make me feel akward and nervous. When women coo and dote it is usually an attempt at freindship and a way to express positive allegance and a willingness to socially defend - to me these emotional overtones are not very meaningful and I am usually much more comforted by practical solutions - nothing says caring like "I'm gonna think hard on this and see if I can fix it" - but "There there dear" does nothing for me . . .

Interesting.

Think would rather be (s)mothered and treated like a child and thus what I am doing be seen as *innocent* and forgiveable...than the usual way I get treated by NTs - them assuming I am a druggie/alcoholic/attention seeker/ret*d person or anything else bad that they think accounts for my weird behaviour and them then treating me harshly in return...

Yeah, I tend to be bothered by these kinds of women, too. First off, I don't like being kissed or hugged by someone I just met, its so awkward. They're treating me like I'm part of their family even though I'm not!! I will only accept physical affection from close family members and friends.

watch out if you ever visit Quebec!! they do the kiss on the cheek thing as casually as a handshake - and it is not always acceptable to push someone away who is trying to be friendly.

yeah anywhere french, spanish, italian....latin in general.

especially italian - these guys like to kiss you on both cheeks and get annoyed when you don't let them - even when they are in your country!

You and I are opposites then, because I love it when other women take up a "motherly" attitude towards me! In a lot of ways, I still feel like a child on the inside (and according to others, my behavior is pretty childlike too), so therefore I don't mind being treated as one. When younger women around my age treat me that way, I take it as a sign that they don't see me as a "threat" (especially in regards to relationships with men). When older women treat me that way, I just figure that my childlike ways somehow appeal to their maternal instincts because maybe I remind them of their children or grandchildren.

I guess you probably emotionally connect to those motherly ways. When women act motherly towards me, it reminds me of my childhood. I recess from the adult NT like aspie, to a the child aspie in my head. The child aspie for me was an overly shy, stiff child. When I was a kid, motherly women used to try to act super motherly towards me trying to get me to come out of my shell and I never did. I feel an emotional disconnect where I stiffen up when people treat me a certain way.