Creepy Encounters on Public Transit..leading to panic attack

Page 1 of 1 [ 7 posts ] 

Mackica
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Nov 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 637

13 Oct 2011, 11:29 pm

Yesterday I was on the bus,way in the front as usual,but it was really crowded and I had to sit next to a man,which I try to avoid.It was a long ride and I was sleepy,not as alert as I should have been.He kept shifting in his seat,moving a bit closer each time.There wasn't anywhere for me to move,and too crowded to stand up.Sure enough when I was looking out the window all of sudden he touched my neck and thigh.I squawked,yelled loudly at him and the driver,and since someone was getting on the bus,I ran off.
I haven't been on the bus since,but am increasingly panicked and anxious about taking the bus tomorrow.Does anyone have any helpful tips? I do deep breathing,but I've had experiences on the bus before and have to depend on it to get long distances.
Thanks.



MountainLaurel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jan 2011
Age: 71
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,030
Location: New England

14 Oct 2011, 12:29 am

Your protective instincts are intact and you did exactly the correct action in yelling and making a racket. This is according to two personal safety experts; Gavin deBecker and Clint Van Zandt (former FBI Profiler).

Knowing that your instinctive reactions are intact is your 1st step in being able to move through your life with confidence. Creeps exist but you will not be one of their easy targets. Here are some resources:

http://www.livesecure.org/victim-profile/

https://www.gavindebecker.com/resources ... t_of_fear/



Chronos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Apr 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,698

14 Oct 2011, 1:43 am

Mackica wrote:
Yesterday I was on the bus,way in the front as usual,but it was really crowded and I had to sit next to a man,which I try to avoid.It was a long ride and I was sleepy,not as alert as I should have been.He kept shifting in his seat,moving a bit closer each time.There wasn't anywhere for me to move,and too crowded to stand up.Sure enough when I was looking out the window all of sudden he touched my neck and thigh.I squawked,yelled loudly at him and the driver,and since someone was getting on the bus,I ran off.
I haven't been on the bus since,but am increasingly panicked and anxious about taking the bus tomorrow.Does anyone have any helpful tips? I do deep breathing,but I've had experiences on the bus before and have to depend on it to get long distances.
Thanks.


You should have alerted the driver that a man assaulted you and have them call the police. Since it was crowded this is best accomplished by....making a big scene. Yes, in this situation it can be rather appropriate to have a melt down. You may have included phrases like "WTF YOU F#@&ING PERV! DON'T F#%^$ING TOUCH ME! DRIVER THIS MAN GROPED ME! CALL THE POLICE PLEASE!"

These men who grope women in public are wagering she will be too shocked or embarrassed to make a scene about it and they just do it over and over again to different women until finally someone does make a scene and calls the police.

You can still file a police report and a report with the bus company. Most buses have cameras and this may be a serial groper who routinely does this on buses.



Jellybean
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Apr 2007
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,795
Location: Bedford UK

14 Oct 2011, 3:34 pm

THAT is why I refuse to travel on buses alone nowadays. The advice you have been given is correct though. I personally would have shouted 'F*****G PERVERT' but I am a loud mouthed person anyway. I would say go to the police though because even if nothing comes out of it, at least you know you've tried.


_________________
I have HFA, ADHD, OCD & Tourette syndrome. I love animals, especially my bunnies and hamster. I skate in a roller derby team (but I'll try not to bite ;) )


Mackica
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Nov 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 637

14 Oct 2011, 4:41 pm

I did file a police report and notify the bus.I was just too upset to that at the time.I couldn't even get on a bus for the whole rest of the day,I was just much too upset.However,looking back on it I realize how much power I lost and energy I lost getting so upset.Plus I missed classes at the university.I slept 10 full hours that night!
I don't have an option to not take public transit.I cannot drive.The university is over 15 miles from where I live;cannot exactly walk there.There used to be a rideshare/carpool program within my university but they have discontinued it.I don't have that many friends or acquaintances within the system whom I could get a ride with.Plus having a validated ID from the university guarantees me free rides on the bus system.I just need to be more alert.This is the only time this year I've actually not had freedom of seating;I always get on the bus early enough to get my own seat,or at least have the flexibility and space to choose it.
Thanks again for your support.



hyperlexian
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2010
Age: 52
Gender: Female
Posts: 22,023
Location: with bucephalus

16 Oct 2011, 5:30 pm

you did exactly the right thing and i am very proud of you!

you may want to contact the police station to ask about a program like Victim's Services or Victims's Assistance. many police departments have special counselling for people who suffered a crime against them, or can perhps refer you to counselling (perhaps publicly funded if necessary - these types of prgrams are usually either donation-based or paid for by the government). also, you can look in the yellow pages or google for sexual assault counselling in your area as they are tailored to such experiences as yours. it is perfectly natural to feel as you are feeling right now.

i had something similar happen to me but i did not get off the bus, i did not yell out, and i did not even stop him. i was 16 or 17 years old and i did not think that i was worth protecting. the guy was maybe 18 to25. i felt like i would vomit the whole time and i was screaming in my head but i stayed motionless in reality. his hands slid along my thigh and didn't get all the way to my private area, but nonetheless it was horrifying.

he didn't talk until we got close to the bus station when he finally he said, "let's go to your house". i said my parents were home and he abruptly stopped touching me, moved a bit away from me and said people were at his place too. in some way, it was just as upsetting that i was not even worth trying to obtain a phone number - if he couldn't have sex with me that instant i was tossed aside. i felt even more worthless. i understand now that i put some stranger's desires above my own need for the safety and security of my person. i didn't do the right thing. :cry:


_________________
on a break, so if you need assistance please contact another moderator from this list:
viewtopic.php?t=391105


Mackica
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Nov 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 637

17 Oct 2011, 8:03 pm

One time something like this had happened to me before on the bus,I had just cut my hair super short (myself:don't do that!) and this older (see a pattern) man sitting behind starting touching my neck and saying how my hair suited me.I was so paranoid and shocked that I didn't do anything,just started crying.This woman sitting near me started yelling at him,he got off the bus.But I've hopefully learned to be more alert and to watch where I am sitting and what I am wearing.I always put on a sweater or a scarf when I get on the bus.I don't do anything except for sit there and pay attention for the most part.I've always attracted weird older men,and thank goodness I am very strong and can outrun anyone I pretty much need to.But it's never come to that,and I will do my best to prevent it.