Hairdresser issue

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Anybody else has problems going to the hairdresser?

My sensory issues make it uncomfortable for me to have a stranger touch my hair and head and I can't relax.

Then it's all the girly chit-chat involved. I'm always very polite and do my best to feign interest, but with all the noise from the blow dryers I can hardly hear what they say so I get even more nervous and force myself to smile when I meet their eyes in the mirror... I'm sure they feel I'm very tense and they're just trying to be friendly and all but I end up getting these funny looks and that makes me feel even worse.

I know it's such a trivial and small thing and most women enjoy it, so I feel completely inadequate for handling it so poorly.

For the same reason, I always do everything else (nails, waxing, whatever) myself - but I just can't cut my own hair and don't know anybody who can.

How do you handle these things?

*Sorry for the rant - bad day at the hair salon, obviously*

Yeah I know what you mean.
The way I handle it is I wash and comb my own hair beforehand. Then with damp hair, I head down to the cheapo place where you don't need an appointment and the hairdresser is male.
I just get a simple fast trim, and I give the briefest most boring answer to any personal question (or lie to make the answer not draw further comment). I immediately switch the conversation back to the person cutting my hair.

Also asking many questions about the next haircut you might like to try or asking for advice on styling the one you're getting works like a charm to stop the friendly interrogation! My hair has been drying during that time so I skip the blowdry, pay my $30 and go home. Hope this helps!

Yep, can identify with all of the above.

It takes about 5 weeks for me to forget how much i didn't like it, in time for the next visits
It's the chit chat that gets me most, and some places like to wash your hair for you too - putting your head back so you can't breathe properly.

Finding a someone who does home visits is an option I think, sometimes hairdressers advertise in newspapers.

Last edited by suburban-robot on 03 Jun 2009, 2:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I leave it for as long as possible. I used to just cut it myself, but a while back I met a male hairdresser (through family). He seems to be getting used to my demeanor, but I don't worry as much these days, anyway, about how I come across. They are there to provide a service. He also isn't rough like some can be or heavy on the conversation. He's very popular and sought after, so can have a rest from conversing when with me.

Sallam,

You may want to tell the stylist that you have a "very sensitive scalp". This will explain away both why you can't relax AND why you may twitch or make the odd facial expression or sound when being cut.

Diverting small talk is very easy for this situation: Turn the conversation back on them with a quick answer and a repeat of the question. Never underestimate a person's love of talking about themselves! "So have you had a sensitive scalp all your life?" "Yes. Do you get a lot of people in who have sensitive scalps"? and off they go. "So, do you have any kids?" "No. Do you have kids?" This can even work for open-ended ones including the dreaded and near-impossible to script "So, what did you do this weekend?" "I had work to do at home. What did you do this weekend"?

You could also take your partner Rina with you if her presence would make you more comfortable. Have you asked her advice?

Thanks guys, I feel less of a freak knowing I'm not the only one with this problem. Very helpful advice, too. I just moved to a different city (and country actually), so there's been a lot of change lately - I imagine I'll sort things out eventually.

Maybe I should place an add myself: "Looking for discrete male hairdresser that makes house calls" I wonder what hubby would think...

Good technique, ViperaAspis, making people talk about themselves is always a good way of avoiding questions...

I'm not sure what you mean - maybe you had me mixed with another poster?

Last edited by Sallamandrina on 03 Jun 2009, 2:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I get my hair done all the time, but I hate talking lol. I just sit there in silence, texting my friends. But then I think it's rude not to talk to them, so I say SOMETHING at least, and then I started a conversation I never really wanted to have in the first place. Yep, that's me....ugh. lol.

I have a short cut, so I go to a barber... she's great, doesn't need to talk a lot, being used to working on guys, I think. Doesn't wash unless requested, is very quick.

In the past, I've just said "I'm not feeling very conversational today; could we not visit while you do my hair?" It either works great or you get a lousy haircut.

I have cut my own hair since I was a teenager. You do have to accept that you're not going to have fancy styles that only a pro could cut. It's not that hard if you have a three-way mirror. Of course, I'm really good with spatial stuff and arts or craft type things. Your head is just a source of hairy sculpture material. I've never had a problem with it. It's not hard to cut a blunt cut or a pixie cut. A shag type cut is not difficult, and a shaver is also not hard to use to trim the neck.

Then again, I'm not terribly fashionable.

I like going the hair dressers to get new styles, I have a new one nearly everytime. But my problem is that I'm a total perfectionist and if it's not close enough to the photo or what I had in mind it ruins my day, and there have been many many times where I have hated my hair style and I'm trying exremely hard not to let it show, and then when it's finished I end up walking out of the building then crying, the I end up proper screaming and stuff when I get in the car.

I don't have sensory issues, so I'm spared that, but I do find going to the hairdresser difficult and stressful. I nearly always return home upset. I would think it's very typical of anyone Aspie or Aspieish to have trouble with hairdressers.

activebutodd - I may try that, just asking loads of advice for my hair. I might think of questions before I go. Thanks for the advice

The other thing that really bothers me about hairdressers is that they always mentioning straightening my hair, because I have curls. I don't know what they think is so wrong with having curls! And they sometimes decide to do funny things with it - put layers in or try to cut it shorter at the back (I didn't let them do that one as it would have looked riddiculous!).

I keep going to different hairdressers. I get my hair cut once or twice a year and I can't seem to go to the same hairdressers more than twice. After that, I'm too annoyed with the place and have to find somewhere else. My friend has recommended a cheap barbers which I might go to.

Aren't you and your life partner using the same post identity?

"Sallam and rina", right? Just like "Active but odd", "Jack and jill", "donkey buster", etc. So... ask Rina! Unless I'm off kilter somehow... ...

?

You know, it does seem odd that you're talking about a husband now. Rina isn't really much of a guy's name; D'oh! I'm such an idiot (sorry!! !) YOU are Rina and you're talking about Sallam!! ! Ah! Sorry, I just got a little confused for a second there . I thought you were him! Okay, it all fits now. And you just said you moved from a different country (the middle east, obviously). Well, "assalam o alaikum" (I think that's right) we're all friends and equals here (to me).

Okay, please re-read that as:

I've worked out that a hairdressing salon is basically a female grooming station.

The chatter is mostly all fluff and no substance.
I'd go crazy if I had to talk like that all day.

My anxiety seems to increase proportionately with the number of people in the salon and the noise.

When I was little, I'm sorry to say, I often acted up for this very reason.
It was like blasting noise through my head: not pleasant.
Bad headaches afterwards.
Having someone trying to control me and touch me was often not a pleasant experience either.

It's much better when there's only one woman in there doing my hair.
I can relax and talk better.
It's much less overwhelming.
I've been fortunate to have some very nice stylists who not only did a good job, but gave me mental space to relax quietly and ponder the mysteries of the universe.


They have very boring magazines at the salon about women wearing make-up and getting divorced/remarried. These women often wear shoes that hurt their feet. Why do they put themselves through it? Did the men force them to wear pointy shoes or else?

I find the women in the magazines look superficial, plastic and ugly, as if their smiles are painted on, not like the genuine caring women I've met in real life who don't look like caked up tarty Barbie Dolls.

I look for National Geographic and Oceanographer in the magazine rack every time.
These magazines are never there .
I don't understand these women: why do they read magazines that make no sense, seem shallow, are wholly and have no factual information? Don't they get bored?
Why are these women obsessed with relationships that they have to talk about them constantly every waking second of the day?
Don't they get exhausted?
I feel exhausted and confused just watching some of them natter away.

Hey, I'm a literal aspie and you're even worse!


Just for the record Salamandrina - I had to double the "l", because the site didn't accepted as it was.

But thanks for the trip, whatever you're smoking, I want some!

Last edited by Sallamandrina on 03 Jun 2009, 6:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I like your style

AmberEyes, I can identify with a lot of your thoughts, thanks for posting.

It seems I should just chose between discomfort and a simpler haircut. Hmmmm

Oh. OH!! !

Oh gawd...

<-- slinks off

At least I learned something today -- thanks for the link!