Older Men vs. Younger Men

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This topic is in response to the male sexist aspies who think all (older) single women just want to get themselves a young stud.

I've never given this much thought - I've experienced both ends of the spectrum - 5 years younger to about 10 years older. But these young studs got me thinking about this whole "cougar" fantasy.

In my opinion, older guys are the way to go. Older guys TEND to be mellower, more considerate, have better grooming habits (ahem), more interesting, way funnier, more traveled, and - lastly, and most importantly, make you feel safer.

Young guys TEND to be awkward, cocky, poor dressers, perverted, lazy, overly-cautious, and very naive. (Blame computers, I guess... )

But I don't want to speak for all women. And this isn't an aspie question - it just a human relations thing.

PS: A good fiction book about older guys is "Le Divorce" - the movie was dumb but the book was delicious!

Uh oh! Did I say something in the older women thread that made you feel defensive? Actually the older/more comfortable vs. younger/hotter tradeoff happens about the same way for either gender. A lot of these things you say about how older guys are better also applies to women. Young women CAN also be awkward, demanding, impossibly hard-to-get, unappreciative, perverted, do things that make young men feel uncomfortable/unsafe/insecure etc. Also, add gold-digging to that list, for young women. Social skills and relationship skills improve with age, and this is true of BOTH genders.

Yes, I do "get it". It's not that I want to target compromised women with poor self esteem. Actually, I know better and I know I should avoid them. It's just that real-world experience has caused a shift in priorities that differs from what cultural norms tell me I should want.

Last edited by sgrannel on 25 Mar 2009, 1:24 pm, edited 5 times in total.

I think that 'cougars' want younger men because they are hot and use them for sex.

If we're talking relationships - then an older, finacially stable man is obviously the way to go.

I agree with your general assessment of the age groups. There are always exceptions to the rule, though. The fact that a man is older doesn't necessarily mean that he is mellower, nicer, or more stable. But you did say 'tend' so I'm not busting your chops. Just commenting on what I think.

I wouldn't mind being "used" in that way. You make it sound like it's just such a bad thing.

^ Not at all. I just made a statement.

I'm young myself so I don't really count for your poll, but I like older men more than men my age.

And I just have to say that now I'm going to be humming "Que Sera Sera" all day long!

OK - so maybe I'm a closet man-hating troll. No...not really! I'm pretty "boy-crazy". Boy crazy in the Doris Day sense - not in the statutory rape under-18 sense.

I am just so OVER aspie guys talking about us, women and women over 40, as if we're fembots to be reverse-engineered...and its mostly the younger ones. I need to just stop reading their posts.

It also sickens me to see how they plot their conquests. I imagine one of my single friends being patronized and then kicked to the curb - and it makes me sick.

And yes - you are correct - older guys can suck, too.

"Defensive"?

No - I'm good. I'm just going to go kick my slam-man in the nuts and I'll be peachy!

I know - don't you just love that song?

It's a good song but the chorus gets stuck in my head and I end up humming it over and over and over again and it drives me nuts. I love the the verses though, I remember playing them on the piano when I was little.

I wouldn't generalize by age. Most people are of no interest to me anyway. My wonderful one turned out to be more than 10 years younger than me. So what? I view people as individuals. Viewing them as a herd is just going to be annoying.

And "cougar" is an offensive and stupid word to make fun of people. If people are being predatory, well, say what you mean, eh? Being older than your spouse doesn't make you a predator.

Oh - I agree. That's what motivated me to start a discussion within the women's section. The aspie guy posts I've seen are exactly that - predatory. The stuff they say about women my own age - is dehumanizing - to me. Sorry.

I really wish all these young guys would get it out of their heads that women (or anyone) are creatures to be understood in one-dimensional terms.

The young aspie men here seem to (over)analyze women more than the young aspie women here. In fact, the aspie women here seem more independent-minded than the female-population at large. While the poor guys seem to over-intellectualize women and relationships to the point of paralysis.

Sorry if I made it seem as if I have a problem with younger men. I really don't. The ones on this site have just been pissing me off lately - and I don't want them to piss their lives away.

And I don't want the older guys to feel like they aren't the studs they are.

And I don't want the younger girls feeling like they are invisible.

I try to look for people as close to my age as possible (I'm 29). Yet very few have the same interests and beliefs as me, and that's more important than age.

And let's not forget - we're all a younger [fill-in-the-blank] or older [fill-in-the-blank] to someone!

As long as we respect the local statutory laws - who cares?

Thank you for getting that sentiment into a single sentence. rAmen.

The general approach of men is that of problem solvers, however it expresses - and I admit to being as guilty of that as the next, though I have learned to be somewhat aware of it over time. This need to 'solve' women combined with confusion discerning interest, affection, lust, love, admiration, friendship and tolerance seems to be a combustible mixture for creating misogyny and self-defeating habits, looking for a static solution to a dynamic issue, as it were...


M.

> The aspie guy posts I've seen are exactly that - predatory. The stuff they say about women my own age - is dehumanizing - to me.

Yup, that's very common in the mainstream culture, too. To women of all ages.