dressing/being fashionable or sexy

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In terms of finding a boyfriend, some people tell me that I need to wear make up, look fashionable, look sexy, or exotic in order to attract men. I don't like make up and I don't even feel very sexy or exotic, and getting the phone number of random men seems awkward and uncomfortable to me. I would rather start being in a relationship with someone who I'm friends with 1st. It's hard for me to find any other way to develop an emotional attachment. I'm afraid that if I start attracting random men, their only going to want to have sex with me.
Some people agree with me that it's best to be friends with the person you'll start dating 1st, and I've heard it said that confidence, rather than looks can attract a significant other. Other people say that there's no other way to meet people or have physical chemistry if I don't dress in a way that will get their attention or go to bars. I hate bars and I feel incapable of one night stances. I've been told that in bars and speed dating scenes, the men will have the highest preference for the sexiest and fastest women that are best in bed. How true is this? Also, is it true that women that dress to get attention attract the kind of men that don't like going slow and steady?
(I don't know whether I should have this discussion here, in the adult section, or the love and dating section.)

I try to avoid attracting men. So, if you want a relationship with a guy who is your friend first just be yourself . The only two thing I think women need to consider with their looks is being/looking & smelling clean and dressing for their body type (you can look this up). If you dress for your body type, I've found it can be easier to conceal parts men make stupid comments about. As for what men prefer, I have absolutely no idea.

Be yourself! Making yourself up will attract the wrong sort of guy who will go for your body. You can't always keep up your act and when he finds out he'll dump you.

I was myself when I attracted a nice guy, who accepts me for my AS and what I am. I'm not too pretty - I look nerdy and I'm not skinny at all. But we have intellectual interests and we're honest with each other.

Don't be someone you're not. If you do, you may miss the guy who would have liked the 'old' you.

If it makes you feel uncomfortable, don't do it.

I don't know if this is really relevant but I have an issue with people who don't shower regularly .

It's really just best to be yourself. I tried wearing makeup around 10th grade for a period and all I attracted was a guy who compared me to Megan Fox (aka I was obese fat to him despite a healthy BMI 22, even though he was overweight at around 300 lbs) and a pompous computer geek-douchebag. Eventually I'll attract someone just being me... eventually...

If you wear a lot of makeup and "sexy" clothing to bars when that's not something you'd do normally, you're faking it. You're either going to have to keep up the mask, which I don't recommend, or risk facing rejection when they realize that you're not who you initially presented yourself to be.

Will a girl who's dressed sexy attract more guys in a club/bar/party scenario? Maybe, depending on the atmosphere and general purpose of the people there. But ultimately, it's about quality vs quantity. If all you want is a ton of men interested in you for a day or week or some short period of time, sure, sexy is probably the most effective way. If you're more interested in building a long term relationship, it's better to be yourself.

In other words, if you dress like you want to have a one night stand, you're going to attract guys who want just that. If you dress how you usually would, it may take longer, but those who approach you will be more likely to be interested in you, especially if there's a high number of women dressed sexy.

Match.com has been running advertisements lately that you're more likely to meet the person you marry online than in a bar and club and party. I don't know if that's accurate or not, but it wouldn't surprise me. Bars, etc, aren't really meant for finding a lifelong partner. It can happen, but I'd guess that it's probably not that common. Speed dating is done for the purpose of getting dates, but it's so short that you don't really have the time to learn much about the person. Plus, you don't really know what they're there for; some people could be honestly looking for a long term partner, some could just be looking for a fun date, and some could be looking only for sex. Online, at least, there tends to be more disclosure; it's usually listed what they're looking for, as well as some information. Of course, it could be lies, but you run that risk anyway.

In general though, for what you've described, it sounds like being friends first really would be the best idea.

i think you should do whatever you want in terms of looks, which is kind of what i do. i think it is important to look nice and clean, but i could not care less about the latest fashions and i dislike makeup and heals. i think they are uncomfortable and useless. i think some men prefer shallow selfish women who will spend thousands of dollars on handbags and the newest hideous shoes, but most guys i have known prefer women who are real people.

That's not true. I've never had trouble attracting men without any of those things. Men like a woman who is comfortable as she is, whether that means make-up free in baggy clothes or made-up in a belly tee and miniskirt! There are men who find kissing a woman wearing makeup kind of gross -- I have a friend like that; he says he likes a woman to be natural. I wear makeup and sexy clothes sometimes, especially if my husband is taking me out as those are things he likes. Somedays I just wear lip balm and occasionally I'll wear pyjamas all day, and that hasn't driven him away yet! The best thing you can do is just be yourself...if you wind up with a man who likes makeup, maybe you could wear lipstick and mascara for him once in a while. Dressing for your body is great advice too; there are comfortable, pretty clothes for every shape out there!

"Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes." Henry David Theroux. Wise words.

An advice: be yourself.

Never heard that one before!

I have a very plain and rather conservative style (unusual for a sixteen year old, I guess..) but I have a boyfriend and he doesn't mind. I think smelling and looking clean is important. I also read somewhere that men like food scents (vanilla, cinnamon, etc.) better than floral scents. . . so.. If you wear perfume that might help
I do not use perfume or makeup because it just seems like a lie you shouldn't have to cover up bad smells. Plus makeup is a high maintenance habit that can turn into a dependence. (Rather like some relationships, it seems.)

Hi, thought I should put in my cents
I met my first and only boyfriend online (I think he's AS too...) and he tells me that when I straighten my hair he doesn't like it as much as my normal puffy hair. He also tells me that he doesn't generally like when girls wear makeup. (I don't do anything to my hair or face and wear normal clothes... I'm kinda bad at that stuff :/ )

I've heard from a lot of guys that say they don't like girls that wear makeup daily. I'm sure there are guys that do... but I'm just putting it out there that some don't.

My advice would be to... of course be yourself and also... build confidence That is a very attractive quality. Build pride in yourself and be happy with who you are. I hope everything goes well for you.

-Nat

Another non-makeup wearer here. My husband has never seen me in makeup, and I know he finds me beautiful how I am. I haven't had a lot of boyfriends (didn't start dating until 18, and was 20 when I got married), but I've never had a guy tell me I would look better with makeup on. I mainly wear jeans and a t-shirt while out, and lounge about the house in yoga pants and camisoles.

I met my husband at a health food store (I was working there). I was on Paxil at the time, which made me a bit more confident and outgoing, but other than that it was just me.