Harder for girls with ASD to find relationships than guys?

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I've read about the theory that ASD represents the "extreme male brain".

Perhaps. I'm a bit skeptical given that in our closest relatives, the common chimpanzee, it is the females who are extremely anti-social. If any chimpanzees have Asperger's, its the females, not the males.

That being said, there could be something to the theory of a "masculinized brain" contributing to AS symptoms, as it does seem like a large body of research indicates that prenatal testosterone levels predispose individuals to ASD-typical traits.

Does this make it harder for girls with AS when it comes to heterosexual relationships?

Last edited by Koko23 on 30 Jun 2011, 1:38 am, edited 2 times in total.

Then don't date a normal guy who is into the status quo. Date a geek.

Problem solved.

I'm SOOOO tired of the splicing of groups and trying to turn one against each other. This same old boring tactic has been used to marginalize people time and time again.

One female on the autistic spectrum may have a very hard time finding someone suitable for her while another female on the autistic spectrum has had success.

One male on the autistic spectrum may have had a very hard time while another found success.

...AND why are you asking us women about if our lives are harder when we're not men and the men aren't women? How are we supposed to know?

Yes, you can't overgeneralize spectrumites based on gender.

Interesting, I was expecting a more open minded discussion but I was wrong.

Of course what I said was speculative. I realize fully that generalizations are simplifications, but that does not mean there is not something to them. Without generalizations, there would be no such thing as AS in the first place. A common cause has not been identified and symptom profiles vary, but that doesn't mean there isn't something to the diagnosis...

Fact: autism is more common in men.

Fact: men and women are generally different, and although you can never say men are ALWAYS this and women are ALWAYS that, the fact of the matter is that there are broad differences that are usually present, and have to do with biological differences.

Is it really so ridiculous to go a step further and suggest that the problems facing a woman with autism are quite different than the problems facing men?

TheygoMew: I am not trying to turn anyone against anyone, I'm not sure where you got this idea. And as for why I'm asking, its called speculation. Ironically, the fact that you don't think I can ask women about a question that involves the way men feel indicates that you have unfairly put men in a separate category that women can't speculate about...

Colinreed1992: excuse me?

I changed the title of the post to make it more specific, in case that will make anyone happier.

I'm shocked by responses thus far. I get the whole "don't make generalizations" thing, but I suppose I'm of the mindset that while generalizations should not be used to make conclusions about individuals, I do believe that generalizations can lead to important insights with biological, sociological, and medical relevance. Just sayin'.

I'd emphasize once more than the whole field of psychology is founded on generalizations that often fail to hold up perfectly on a case by case basis.

Collin is just a troll.

Second, yes I see this way too often. Here is what is seen with the autism spectrum and people.

Mommies who have LFA sons who hate aspies and HFA's.

If you aren't LFA, you aren't a "true" autistic

Women vs. men

How women are different!

Men have it worse, no women have it worse!

Women have it better! You can just have babies and stuff!


The truth is it's a double edged sword for both genders.

On one hand, men with autism have a tough time with dating because men are supposed to make the first move. On the other hand men may have it easier than a woman because at least he doesn't worry about being raped.

On one hand, women with autism have a tough time with dating because people view of them as an easy target hence increasing odds of a bad situation where she could get raped. On the other hand a woman with autism doesn't have to make the first move.

Why it's hard for male autistics vs. NT males is because if you are autistic, rejection hurts realllly bad and you require more regeneration time than the NT. So while you as an autistic are off regenerating sometimes even for months over ONE rejection, the NT male is handling rejection with grace and has asked out several women until he hears a yes.

Female autistics feel the same about being rejecting. It hurts, takes longer to regenerate, it loops.

Both autistics male and female have some cruel mind games put on them by others.

Perhaps my original post was not clear. I am interested in the neurological basis of autism, and also, separately, I am interested in how testosterone influences cognitive development and personality.

This is why I make the connections I make. There is the whole "men are from mars, women are from venus" thing (I've never read the book, but I'm just saying there are real differences in temperament and how the sexes relate to one another). It makes sense to me that IF the masculine-brain hypothesis is true, and ASD represents hyper-masculinized brains, then men with autism are extreme men, while women with autism are women who are like extreme men.

I'm speculating that it is harder for a women with a masculinized brain to find a straight guy who likes that, because evolution has made it so that IN GENERAL, masculine attracts feminine and feminine attracts masculine. There is a sort of "you complete me thing" going on in heterosexual relationships, and generally it is the masculine complementing the feminine.

Again, generalizations. I know. I get it. When I say "its harder", I mean there are EVEN LESS fish in the sea for a straight girl with AS. And again, all this is speculation based on the assumption that autism represents hyper-masculine brain (its just a hypothesis, albeit with a moderate body of scientific support) and the assumption that straight men are going to be more attracted to feminine minds.

If the masculine brain hypothesis is true, and if men are from Mars and women are from Venus, then women with autism have minds from Mars (while men with ASD are still from Mars). I'm suggesting this presents unique difficulties with heterosexual relationships for females, because men in general are attracted to feminine minds.

Please understand, I am not trying to downplay the difficulty of having ASD for anyone, or to say its worse for me than for others. There are advantages to being female. For example, I can play "nice girl" long enough to get lonely businessmen to buy me dinner when I have a layover at the airport. Good luck to an AS boy getting free dinner from an old man.

Also, I deleted the anecdote about myself in the original post because in retrospect, it was inappropriate. I was hoping for feedback on an idea I had, not on the failures of my personal life.

Makes more sense now.

I have been told that I have a masculine type brain and it freaks people out.
It has seemed that men do prefer girly tones and the stereotypical girl mentality they were raised to believe was truly feminine.

-When meeting a female that has something intelligent to say, you're out to destroy their ego! You're not being real. That is one less fish and that one can go back in the water.


-When meeting a female that can beat the man at a first person shooter game, the man wants to know how you got so good...was it from your "insert male family member's name"
He's upset. You aren't supposed to be good at that at all. Now there are two fish in the water.
[img][800:768]http://www.underwalls.com/wallpapers/Two_MultiColor_Fish_In_Water_3940.jpg[/img]

-You as a female were asked to crack some games for your male friend at the time. One of his friends come in and lets you know "That isn't lady like." He is frustrated that he can't do it and he was raised to believe all women are stupid. Bye Bye fishy...in the water you go.


Well basically, if you aren't anything like the stereotypes children were taught to believe in as far as gender roles which can also be learned by watching cartoons. Disney has a huge part in that. You are now a threat to that person's upbringing and just by you being you, that person is now burdened by the thought that perhaps they were deceived but instead they would rather turn it around on you and make you out to be a villain for not going along with their program and subvertly cause them grief.

This topic has been discussed over and over again on WP and here's what i think: it doesn't matter. Everybody should just focus on and try to solve their own problems when it comes to dating instead of arguing about what gender have most dating issues.
I don't know what gender have it easier, if one gender even have it easier, and i don't care. I'm just gonna work on my own issues and try to improve my own life.

Last edited by Kiran on 30 Jun 2011, 7:18 am, edited 1 time in total.

sorry, double post. My phone is being stupid.

I was hoping to make a more nuanced argument than that, but I did a poor job and my later posts may have cleared up what I'm getting at.

I'm not interested in arguing about which gender has more dating issues for the sake of saying "woahhh is me". I'm interesting in identifying a cause for a difference between the troubles faced by males or females given gender stereotypes and the masculine brain hypothesis. Personal relevance aside, I think its an intrinsically interesting biological and sociological question.

Sorry, if its been discussed in this context I haven't found it, I'm new here, and would like to engage people in conversation and not just read old posts.



Good for you. I'm a biologist and I'm more interested in the big picture than in my own pathetic little journey. These questions and resulting discussions can improve our understanding of how ASD manifests differently in girls than boys, which can improve diagnosis and treatment.

If you only care about yourself, fine. Most people do.

+1 Thank you Kiran.

Koko, much for the Mar&Venus stuff is based on flawed research and hypotheses masquerading as facts (e.g. 'more women like pink.. this is because female neanderthals used to gather berries' - it doesn't take any account into the fact that little girls have had pink everything since the day they were born).

I'd recommend one book to read; 'The Myth of Mars & Venus'. It quite lambasts its namesake and others on that band wagon and the moral is pretty much as the car sticker says; 'Men are from Earth, Women are from Earth, deal with it'.

One of the reasons some of us are a bit touchy on this subject is that we've just had a wave of 'men have it worst' threads in recent months and now that the misogyny(and -andry) has died down, we don't want it resurrected any time soon (I appreciate that's not your intention!).

PPR can be the best place for intellectual discussions and you may get a better response from both genders than in the womens forum.

huh? i only care about myself? Why? Because i believe that people should focus on solving their own problems instead of blaming everything on their gender? I gave the an advice that people should try to solve their individual dating issues. If giving advice and trying to help others makes someone selfish, then i guess that i'm a selfish person.

I've heard enough bad reviews of that book not to have read it. I have read primary literature on the hypothesis about women preferring pink because it is the color of fruit (or alternatively, the color of babies, lol).

I don't believe I am uneducated on the topic of gender differences, and I am ever the skeptic. I am one who went through a long childhood phase of denial that there were any differences (I tried to prove this by being very competitive in sports and math), but since then, I have matured and am interested in the biological differences that result from the combination of the social environment and the presence or absence of a functional Y chromosome... yes I believe there are differences IN GENERAL, and I think they are interesting (and relevant to virtually EVERY sub-field of psychology).

But please realize, I am very aware this one must tread carefully through this sort of research because biases due to sociological factors influence the researchers themselves.



I appreciate this.



sigh... when have I said anything "blaming everything on gender"?

Answer: I haven't.

I'm not trying to blame anything on anyone. How is discussing possible ramifications of gender differences "blame"? You are the one who interpreted it that way, I suppose because you are sensitized to the issue.

I'm not here for self help, I'm here because I'm interested in autistic spectrum disorders and thought it would be interesting to talk to people "like myself". However, I've ended up feeling just about as attacked and misunderstood here as anywhere else in my life. Thank you for contributing to that.

I think that it would depend on what type of guy you like, if you have a type. While I'm attracted to different guys I am often drawn to a big, masculine type of guy, which is where I have (even more) of a problem trying to be myself. As someone mentioned the competition thing is off putting. I'm not too competitive but if we are playing a game or whatever I'm going to actually try, not hold back for a guy's benefit. I have friends who like to date meeker guys and boss them around. I don't think either partner should boss the other around. However at the same time sometimes I will work myself up about stuff and then flake out on something I really want to do/attend. That's why some sort of an alpha person might be a good match for me. Just to sort of cajole and remind me of what I wanted in the first place. I don't see myself wanting to be with a shy guy in the future because I could envision us just sitting on the couch, never doing anything or going anywhere. I met a shy guy not long ago who had a friend do a wingman thing & then this guy told me he was shy & gave me his number. I didn't see the point & never called.