Letting your guard down.

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Do you have a small group of people that you feel you can really enjoy socializing with, that you don't need to use a facade around? I used to, I pretty much have some sort facade all the time now, a few different ones, even in my last relationship. It takes A LOT of work on my part and the right people for me to be able to drop it, and then it still isn't lifted completely but I feel like I'm being as true to myself as I can be around people. I miss that.

I found a group I can be myself around at college. But I constantly need a facade with my extended family. *sigh*

I've always been the way around my family. I either turn into stand-up comedian around them or I'm completely withdrawn, no middle ground.

I try to avoid using a facade at all; my friends and family don't care about my quirks, though I still try to mask then sometimes for one reason or another.

Is that the same thing? I certainly have a group of friends who I don't have to put on a mask and enjoy being with -- they know I have AS and to them that's just a part of me, like having green eyes. They're a pretty quirky group themselves. I don't think I've let my guard down, though; I keep people at arm's distance literally and metaphoircally. While I can be myself with these people, I only let my guard down with a few people...my husband, my parents, and my therapist. It goes beyond not worrying about a facade; I can share anything with them and feel safe doing so. While I care about my friends and love being around them, there is a lot about me they don't know and probably never will. Just a different definition of letting my guard down, I guess.

I don't think I'm very capable of putting on a facade.

I am comfortable with my fiance and friend. Most other people, no.

Very interesting, I'm just like that too. But when I disclosed to a few people, they said, oh come on, you're hilarious, people with Asperger's can't make jokes. Apparently the humor in me confuses people. How do you get around it, and what is behind this ridiculous behavior? Sometimes I want to smack myself to make myself shut up, but I can't stop making people laugh. Help.

Yep. I think the sense of humor developed from not completely understanding people and trying to find a way to relate to them for me. I've always been called offbeat, and was once was compared to Kramer when I was around 13(oh NO!) in a joking way, though.

I've never known how to feel completely normal around people just being myself. I was very serious as a child, I had a few close friends but I was domineering toward them and prone to meltdowns. I had times where I was incredibly silly and would do all kinds of impressions but it was weird and unbalanced. I started doing the humor thing around age 12, I guess, so I would stop getting picked on.

It worked for the most part. Now people just see me as "zany" or quirky", but in a good way, but when I don't feel like being funny they think something has gone terribly wrong because they don't know that it's just who I am.

I know what you mean, though. I do look back on some of my behavior like WTF....I'm not really inappropriate but I can portray myself as more whacky than I intend to be. I think as long as conscious effort to keep it in check is made then it's alright.

I had never really been aware that regular people don't have to put a guard up until like two years ago. Ongoing process of awareness, until couple of weeks ago I found out about my Aspergers. I hate hiding behind something that's not me. I'm used to be class clown, then got very quiet in my early teens, pissed and mildly rebellious at high-school age and then more confident as I was imitating beautiful women in my twenties. I hated the fassade and after a move had the chance to drop it, while basically just hiding at home. I felt whatever I had done was like a lie and didn't seem right but had nothing to replace it with. Lately, I'm back to devil-may-care when I'm depressed (mostly) and exuberant firework of humor with diva-attitude when I try to be social and to seem confident. I've read that many Asperger women seem to look for identity all their lives. THat makes a lot of sense to me. Because I feel I have none. There is a black hole where it should be. I can imitate anybody but I don't know who I am. And that's who I am. What do you think? Oh, I quite left the topic of guard down... sorry.

That's me, pretty much exactly...I once told an ex that "not being myself is who I am" , before I knew anything AS or the facades people take on. He had said something about my facade and that he could tell I wasn't dropping it even around him. Very perceptive. Before I knew about AS I felt more guilty about it, like it was something I was doing because I was just weak and refusing to deal with my problems. Now I realize it's something that I'm probably always going to have to work on but I don't feel ashamed. It's just part of who I am(hilarious, right?), and in some ways it's not so bad. I feel like I have the collective consciousness of a lot of different people and eras, etc.


I'm gonna stop before I get New Age-y.

That would be WONDERFUL! I've tried it a few times and it just caused the friendships to end. Worse, they wouldn't tell me why! The only people I can be myself with is my husband, and an Aspie friend who doesn't live locally