Charm

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So I was poking around on amazon.com, and I find all these books on "charm." Supposedly, they tell you how to behave inoffensively. Some even claim to help you be honest without offending. I was wondering if any of the women here have ever found advice like that helpful? Or is it like social skills books that assume a normal NT level of charm to begin with, so they're telling you about steps 8-15 when you really need help with 2 and 3 first?

I actually had a phase of obsession that included reading books on etiquette and how to respond to social niceties. It does help a lot with social situations, but I am always exhausted because in my head I'm reminding myself of every detail I read. They do make it a lot easier to blend in, but I use that blending to just fade into the background.

I read Emily Post's Etiquette and a bunch of other books that might help me pass myself off as "normal." There have been some helpful things here or there, but most of it was too situational and didn't apply. I can put on a pretty convincing act when necessary, but it's too exhausting to put on an Oscar-worthy performance day in and day out. I can't keep it up and trying all the time makes me bitter and ornery.

I did see a newer, updated version on etiquette in the workplace that looked interesting. But nothing will fix the fact that I loathe small talk and would prefer to be alone most of the time.

Has anyone found any Aspie-specific guides that are worth reading?