I physically and mentally hate myself...

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I didn't come here so people could feel sorry for me, I know most of this is my fault.

For a long time since I was probably 10 or 11 I never felt confident in myself when it came to the opposite sex and I think part of that is why I can't get into a relationship. I use to have an eating disorder for a while but moved on but I still have issues I guess...I'm dumb, I'm ret*d, I have autism...etc.

I just wonder if any women/men have the same issues. I would rather be fat and proud like Mama Cass, not miserable no matter what my body structure or mental compasity. I think what bothers me most now than ever is not being smart or well versed in the english dialect. My learning disabilty made it very hard for me in both school and college to feel passionate in my limited fields of knowledge. I'm what you call those artsy fartsy types who has trouble getting interested in the pragmatics. Don't get me wrong, I love philosophy and read philosphers as if they were also a special interest but I can't express myself or transcribe my thoughts in the same language as those who fit that spectrum.

Am I alone?

Nope, you're not alone. I've hated myself since I hit puberty at age 10 and I gained a shedload of weight due to my testosterone levels being increased by Ritalin. I've always felt like I'm not good enough. I just told my mom this back in May and she acted all shocked. Well, she has me doped up on pills so of course she can't tell what I'm really feeling. I know Mom always wanted me to be just like her when she was my age: skinny, well-loved by the boys, in the top 10% of my class, etc. I'll never bee good enough for her so I think she resents me being born with AS. If they were able to test this before I was born, I think they would have put me up for adoption or aborted me. No one wants to deal with this. :/

You know that's a part of the reason why I started joining support groups and getting off the meds. I was loaded with them until I couldn't pay. Sometimes the pharaceutical industry reminds me of drug dealing. I got off as soon as I was unable to pay the druglords but I actually had to join a drug rehab before I could get off of them. NOW that doesn't mean I don't believe everyone should get of their drugs for something like ADD or depression. I know as an adult from when I was a child I had these difficulties and there are people who will always have them. I'm glad there are drugs that can help with the symptoms but I do with there were other ways of teaching kids and adults without the drugs.

Anyhow I hope you find yourself somewhere along this line of life. I think it's hard for many of us who can't idenitfy or become the ruler "majority".

I used to hate myself totally but it has slowly lessened. I still have times when I can't stand myself and they are mostly physically. I have had eating issues in the past based on how I look and still do but much less. I feel a strong need to eat healthily and I get a lot of stomach aches, pains and other digestion type problems. I'm not sure what it is, maybe I've just convinced myself of it? I dislike overly sweet flavours and anything sticky, fatty, greasy, hard or chewy. Sometimes I can be hungry but my mouth just doesn't feel like eating

Oh, I can't stand myself. id rather be pretty much anyone but me

I've been off my anti-depressants for three months now (almost four) and I'm only on my Adderall now. I don't know if I'll ever be able to function without it. I was put on Ritalin when I was 3 and Adderall when I was 16. I've been dependent on these drugs all my life and I had no choice in the matter at all. I don't know if I would be able to find myself or not with all the drugs in me and it's hopeless for me to try to quit since I've been on pills for the past 18 years of my life.

I hate myself 99% of the time.

I hate myself a lot too. I hate being tall (that's the physical hatred about myself). People say, ''oh you're so lucky you're tall - I wish I was!'' But I hate it. I feel like a banana, the way I hold myself. I try holding myself up straight, but because my neck is quite long, I still don't look right. I don't think my build suits my personality really. I am unconfident - I need a build where I'm still slim but just a few inches smaller, and a smaller neck and a rounder prettier face with wide eyes and beautiful eyelashes. But I've got the type of face what isn't ugly, but needs make-up to improve because it looks so plain otherwise. Some women can naturally look attractive and really pretty without even needing to wear make-up, and I envy those people.

That's the physical part of me what I hate. Let's have a look at the emotional part of me. It's the way I am which I hate the most. I hate the way I let people walk all over me. I hate the way I laugh and think people are just joking when they're not. I hate the way I react to things. I hate the way I get myself into a rut and feel really confused and stressed when my rut changes. I hate my mood swings. I hate the unknown reason why I feel so comfortable when I'm holding a miserable face, and feel achy and uncomfortable when I hold a cheerful face. I hate having sensitive hearing. I hate the way I forget important things, but remember silly trivial things. I hate the way I stand awkwardly in shops. I hate my mental age (sometimes I act like a non-verbal 1 year old, a demanding 8 year old, an immature 11 year old, a surly 14 year old, or a grumbly 65 year old). Most of all - I hate having a severely high anxiety disorder.
And all of this is part of my personality what cannot really be helped.
And before you all say ''ohh shut up you whiny little b***h!'' I just want to say that I do actively well in the day - I don't just sit alone in my house waiting for things to happen. I get out there and do things and try experiences. So shut up, before you say what I think you're going to say. Whatever I do I'm always going to hate myself because of all the social mistakes I make. Also, because of my lack of friends, I still spend a lot of time alone in my room, and I miss out on all the partying what other 20 year olds are doing as we speak, so I tend to think more, and I feel trapped inside myself. People who spend a lot of time mixing around forget themselves and get themselves more involved in other people, rather than their problems.