Body Image

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I'm reading a book I bought called "Our Bodies, Ourselves" on a recommendation from a member on WP. I can't remember her name sadly. >.<

Anywho, the very first section in the book is on body image. It explains that being born female, we have been entered into a beauty pageant. Constantly being judged, striving for the perfect body, face, hair, all to make men fall for you and women envious. We're rated pretty, ugly, plain or just average. I don't know about you, but I never received an application form for this crap. Society has this expectation that women are defined by their looks not by our actions, character or intelligence. How sad. I hate how my self-worth is determined by the numbers on the damned scale. I guess I just want to drop out of this pageant. No, I'm not saying that I'm going to commit suicide. I just wish I didn't care what I looked like. I remember the days when I didn't care that I was fat or that men didn't like me because of it. I miss those days.

So there it is. Body image: discuss.

Edit: Since you are in an emotional state its probably nbest not to take this advice immediately. Sorry.

What you need to do is think about why you care so much about your looks. You already know that the animal urge to find a man and procreate is what drives women to care about their looks. Of course society reinforces evolution. What you may not realize is that society has told you that finding a partner will help make you happy. You probably already know it won't. When you realize you don't need a partner to be happy you will worry about your looks less. I can't just tell you this, you need to think about it. I went through something similar.

i recommend it.

there are a lot of elements of this world i never agreed to, and that is one of them. you can be beautiful on your own terms.

Probably because I feel like I've always been the chubby girl. When I hit puberty at age 10, I gained a lot of weight. All of a sudden, I was the target of ridicule for something apart from being in a special education class. I was always jealous of my friends who were naturally beautiful, who never needed make up or dieting. My family is constantly telling me, "you're too young to be so fat." I know that, why do they need to tell me? My mother was beautiful, my grandmother was the prom queen. I was the ostracized loser who could never wear the latest styles because I was so big. I was the only girl wearing pants with an elastic waist and was mocked for it. I'm 5'4" and the smallest I ever weighed was 148 when I was 16. To them, it didn't matter. I was still fat to them because of my awkward proportions. I tried convincing myself that I didn't want to be beautiful. "If I were beautiful, guys would rape me." So I gave up on dieting and exercise and am 100 pounds heavier now. I really regret giving up the body I had. Sure I didn't have boobs yet but at least I could wear a size 14. I feel like I'm not even treated as a woman because I'm not shaped like one.

Katzefrau - Do I have to fill out a form to drop out or something? I really wish there were.

It's okay. What you said is true though. >.>

I used to care, too, until one day in the midst of depression when I was crying like crazy (for reasons related to body image and a bunch of other stuff) I asked myself, "Self, who the hell are these people that you'd care about their opinion?"

Then I just stopped caring.

(By the way, I would recommend regular exercise whether or not you're trying to lose weight. In fact, don't exercise because you want to lose weight. Do it because you want to achieve a healthier lifestyle and because you're secretly trying to join a marathon.)

(Also: http://www.feminist.com/ -- Welcome to the club! )

I'm 17 years old and I'm 5'1.5" and 126 pounds. I have a love-hate relationship with my body. I have a nice hourglass shape: big chest, tiny waist, and big hips and butt. But, there's a one thing I hate: my chest is big. I have a 37" chest (measured at the fullest part) and a 26.5" waist. I can't get tops to fit properly. For gowns, I have to buy a size 10 to accomidate my bust and have several inches of fabric taken out of the waist.

Unfortunately, unless you abandon society entirely and live like a hermit in the woods or the desert or atop a mountain, you can't drop out of the pageant. You can stop caring about where you place (so to speak), but society is going to judge you on your appearance, like it or not. It sucks -- women should not be judged on how we look, but on who we are. Women have been trying to change society for decades but have made startlingly little progress. You might as well love what you have and try to stay healthy physically and emotionally (fact: it is healthier to be slightly overweight than it is to be underweight). Personally, I don't give a damn about where I place in the pageant, but for me that doesn't mean dropping out...I've set my own standards of what is beautiful and live up to them.

I think my mother is the most beautiful woman in the world, and she's not typically pretty. It's her grace, poise, generosity, and caring nature that make her so beautiful...they shine through and she can still turn heads. She doesn't die her silver hair, she's never had any kind of plastic surgery, and she doesn't need to. She is healthy and happy with who she is. My dad happens to think she's the most beautiful creature G-d ever made! That's the sort of thing that matters to me...being who I am and happy with it. (Of course, it's nice that my husband thinks I'm still hot!)

Sadly, I'm more than "slightly" overweight now.

menintights - Lol. I could never do a marathon. I have sh***y stamina, which is why I can never exercise for very long.

I'm very comfortable, with my big and beautiful body.

I wish I was. There are some days where I'm too busy to notice but there are other times when that's all I think about.

I have massive problems with body image that I'm trying to overcome. All my life until a year or so ago I was overweight, not by much, just a little. Until I was a teenager I wasn't even aware of it, then suddenly I got more self awareness and thought I was fat and decided to stop eating, then I lost/gained/lost/gained until I was my biggest. That was 145, I am now 85 and underweight (I'm 5'1). Over the past two years I have been losing weight and my issues with food have turned from a diet and controllable thing to something which has taken over my life and is gaining control over me. I thought I would be happy when I was thin, but I'm not. I have a distorted view of myself, it's hard to see my real size. Because I was never aware of it when I was younger, I'm paranoid that I'm fat now and I just can't see it. I can't remember what it is like to enjoy eating or to eat normally without feeling under pressure.
Because I'm so bad socially I feel pressure to look better, I'm always picking out bad things in my appearance, I'm only just able to look in mirrors when I'm out and stuff. Sometimes now I think I look good, but then I feel like I don't deserve to like myself and that I am selfish if I do. My face is defined now and that was something I hated before, I have cheekbones and people have said if I were taller I could be a model (I don't think so), but these things just motivate me to get skinny.
Ugh.
:c

You don't need to get skinny. If I'm reading this right, 85 pounds at 5'1" is really thin and you don't need to lose any more weight. Trust me you aren't fat. I honestly have never dealt with body image on the opposite side of the spectrum so I don't know what to say that will be helpful.

But I can relate with always picking out my flaws. There's a blemish here, a roll of fat there, my hair's too frizzy, my breasts aren't big enough, my legs aren't long enough, I'm simply not good enough. Plain and simple. It wouldn't matter if I had loads of cash or the best personality ever, I still wouldn't be good enough. D:

I believe that I am ugly. My mother tells me that I am not, but I find it difficult to believe her. I don't even know why I care about things like this

Can you physically do the things you want to do?

Then you don't "need" to change anything.

I don't even own a scale. I quit that many years ago. I just eat reasonable food and get a little exercise, my bike or walking. I figure if anybody has a problem with my appearance it's THEIR problem, not mine.

On the other hand, it is useful to be able to costume oneself in such a way as to generate respect from the general public. That would just be grooming and wearing clothes that actually fit your shape and age. Just remember it is a costume, not you, and you could even have fun with it. For example, a plus-size girl that dresses with style and attitude will be more attractive overall than a standard-size girl who dresses like a bum.

Don't take that book too much to heart, it addresses some aspects of society but there is always more to things that you will find in one book.

You mean, like being able to walk to class and stuff without huffing and puffing? Yes. I can't run so I can't play the spontaneous games of tag that my friends will do sometimes and stuff like that. A friend of mine is like "come on! Let's go!" and charges ahead and I can't run that fast. I've never needed to run. Unless you're getting chased by a bear, there's no need to run and rush yourself getting where you need to go. D:

My scale is at home so I don't have it right now, which is a good thing. I noticed that I think I may have gained a little bit back on my stomach. Probably water weight or something since my diet is relatively the same. My body's just getting used to school food. It also doesn't help that almost every girl I'm friends with is prettier and in better shape than me. :/

I feel that also because of my weight, I'm completely overlooked as a girl. My fat makes me look and feel genderless and that drives me crazy. Guys complain about getting used by a hot chick and if I were to tell them that if they were to try looking at a girl with a little padding on her, they look at me like I'm crazy. :/

I hate how I'm dressing right now. I packed mostly fall clothes to school, expecting FALL weather. It's been in the nineties for most of these past 2 weeks. I ran out of attractive clothes for this temperature so I've been wearing extra workout clothes and I feel like a slob. Also, they don't really made "college-age" clothes for bigger girls. Designers assume that if I'm an 18-20, I must be a 60 year old grandmother who wants to cover everything up to her neck. I've had people ask me why I dress like a grandmother, usually some size 2 who doesn't understand how anyone could not be as hot as her. D:

That book told me more than I have learned in 21 years. All I learned about body image prior to now is, "don't be fat and if you are you're worthless! Fat people don't have self esteem because no one loves them! etc." Great, now I'm trying not to cry and my roommate is here. Why can't I get depressed when she isn't here? It's easier to cry when I'm by myself.