Catamenial epilepsy. What the hell can I do about it?

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I tried depo provera to turn off my ovaries but all I did was bleed constantly so I gave up on it. I wasn't getting laid anyway, so it seemed kind of useless. I tried a ketogenic diet and getting to really low bodyfat but I couldn't stick to keto and my neurologist told me I'd never get my bodyfat low enough to stop having periods.

My senses are INCREDIBLY jacked up around my periods (and stay that way the week before, the week of, and a few days after), I'm really irritable, and I take about 3x more valium than usual. I'm ready to go punch my dad in the face because he's eating chips.

I could have a hysterectomy, but after the number of surgeries I've already had I don't want another one. The side effects won't kick in until I'm dead (cancer).

Have you tried a different method? Depo hospitalized me, but I was able to successfully turn off my periods with birth control pills by skipping the placebo week. Then I switched to the ring and left it in the last week and it also turned off my periods. Sometimes (less than once a year) I would get some breakthrough bleeding and I could just "reset" things by stopping the pills or taking out the ring for a week and letting my body have a period and then going right back to suppression.

Best wishes. Managing hormonally-induced health issues can be so difficult!

No. After depo didn't work, I found out my cancer was back and kind of "blamed" that. Since I don't have sex anyway I see no reason to take birth control but its probably my only option.

I didn't take birth conrol for sex; I took it to turn off my periods. I don't know of another way to turn them off other than surgically.

Luckily for me Depo has worked and not caused my any issues except about five or ten pounds' weight gain. My reason for getting rid of my periods wasn't excessively heavy bleeding though it was strictly that I'm not in a sexual realtionship and I don't see myself having kids in the near future.

And Sparrow Rose, God I wish I had your vajayjay... the moment the ring got on the market I switched to it from the patch but it just wouldn't stay in there. Though at that point I was using birth control to regulate not eradicate my bleeding,

You've got to make sure you've tucked it well up past the pubic bone. It's that bone that holds it in.

My gyno suggested the ring but I have a hard time getting tampons to stay in so...

I totally can not get tampons to stay in. My muscles interpret them as a foreign body and push them out. Whenever I have used them. every time I get up to move around, I have to push the tampon back in first and if I go to the toilet the tampon just slides right out. (Needless to say, they are not something to leave the house wearing!)

But I've had no problem keeping in things that hook in up high in the vaginal canal, behind the pubic bone, like Instead menstrual cups or the nuvaring. For me, it's an issue with having anything in the actual canal itself versus up by the cervix and mainly out of the canal.

Oh well then the ring might work. Tampons slide out after an hour and they're not even "used up" (okay gross visual sorry). But does the ring turn off ovulation?

"Like all combined hormonal contraceptives, NuvaRing works primarily by preventing ovulation. A secondary mechanism of action is inhibition of sperm penetration by changes in the cervical mucus. Hormonal contraceptives also have effects on the endometrium that theoretically could affect implantation, however no scientific evidence indicates that prevention of implantation actually results from their use."

- from Wikipedia
citation: Rivera R, Yacobson I, Grimes D (1999). "The mechanism of action of hormonal contraceptives and intrauterine contraceptive devices". Am J Obstet Gynecol 181 (5 Pt 1): 1263–9. doi:10.1016/S0002-9378(99)70120-1. PMID 10561657.