I recently got a divorce. I filed, but realized how much i loved him after. He got with someone else. This may sound really stupid, i am a college educated person, but i swear i am illiterate with men. It seems that we would never be on the same page of anything. We were friends for a year, dated 1.5 years, married 4 years. There was some sort of underlying connection i felt, but could never show affection, or just didnt know what to do really. I did not come knowing how to be married. But i think the problem is i have never known why I always felt different. I thought i was just a old soul. Not fitting in like i should. Just that you do things, because your mama told you to. I am from the South, so added difficulties, finding your way through the contradictory behaviors and mannerisms. But i just have done it and figured this is it? I feel like a Mac in a world of Windows, I grew up with people shoving Windows software in and always wondered why it didnt work right. I think my emotions are Mac, but my logic is windows. I would wonder why my husband didnt behave like windows, that is what i had "learned" was the way husbands should be.. I thought i was windows to. I thought everybody thinks like me. If they think different, well , by golly, they are wrong. end of discussion. Glad i learned this at 40. But....sigh......Im thinking was my husband an aspie or just a selfish brat!! ! How can you tell the difference. He loves computers, games, talks about a void inside him, golf, not a very good work ethic, or i should say not ambitious.. Is still with this girl, 6 mths, we still talk like friends, but he just doesnt seem interested in me. Well, i guess he's not, since he is with someone.......dumbo here, dont want to accept that.Thought he was on my page. I have never reacted like this after breakup. He was selfish, in that he always wanted to do what he wanted and not what i wanted. But never mean, or call me names, not moody, slept a lot, procrastinates. Slept with a pillow on his feet for some reason. I saw the movie mozart and the whale, when they were in bed and the covers were up to their chin, omg, that was us...so funny. So , just trying to figure him out? why? i dont know... He would always say after doing something selfish, "Im not wired like that",I Just dont know if it was me , him, me and him.....are we both macs thinking were windows in a windows world.
06 Oct 2010, 2:45 pm
