dumb feeling that fashion will solve everything...

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Apologies for the cryptic title!

Ever feel like wanting to 'try out' a new personality? I see girls in my year who are happy, or cool (imo) and well liked and I think 'I could be like that!' but I worry I couldn't keep it up for long, or I get discouraged because I'm hyper-sensitive to other peoples' opinions.

It's the same with clothes and hair styles; one part of me actually wants to join a fad (WP heresy, I know)- I actually like the emo, goth look (though I draw the line at everything pink and black with skulls) and I'd love my hair to be sleek and well cut... but I don't know what's stopping me.

I mean, part of it is probably that I'm not a morning person; I like to lie in as long as possible and throw on the bear minimum to avoid getting arrested before hurtling out the door... but even when I'm planning for a haircut I put it off as long as possible for fear that it won't suit me/will be too high maintenance and go for the mid-length cut that I've had my whole life...

Another part is that I feel vain and frivolous everytime I change something noticeably (despite spending more effort on trying to appear non-frivolous)

When I am different, sometimes I feel confident but some times I feel even more self-conscious because whilst I look like everyone else, I've spent hours putitng together the 'new' look (and because I'm too scared to really go for the look I want, it's a pale imitation so hardly noticable).

I feel trapped in my own personality and scruffiness. I don't know which to change first; my outfit/hair or my personality? Or focus on my study instead (probably the latter actually... when I'm studying I feel happy in pajamas and a jumper...) and getting enough sleep... sorry that's probably a no-brainer.. I'm just in one of those moods where everyone else seems cooler and I want a quick-fix

I wonder is this also partly down to magazines/reality makeover shows too? I've started watching them out of morbid curiosity (and because I can't face studying) but I guess when you look into the abyss...

(p.s. this is in women's section because whilst I thought about the haven, I'm not really looking for sympathy, more to see if I'm the only one out there that gets these weird moods)

Somebody answer please. I'm feeling the eyes of the WP upon me..

NO! Please don't cast me out into the NT wilds!! ! I'm one of Yoooouuu!! !! !

*sounds of nails scrabbling against ground*

I have my vain moments but usually I'm unaware of what's going on with the fashionistas. That doesn't mean I don't care how I look, I just am congenitally resistant to fads.

Nice turn of phrase

Funnily enough, I never admire the fashion victims either; it's the ones who carry off their own style that I'd like to look like. I'm afraid that I could never pull it off though and my personal 'style' will always be turtle-necks and jeans...

i think it's nice to look nice.
and if something is in style that i like, i'll buy it but i won't buy it just because it's in style.

i just wear what is comfortable and what i think is pretty - which seems to often be trendy.

That's cool. That's kind of how I'd like to be; confident enough to know that what I choose to wear suits me and looks good.

ah i don't care if anyone else thinks it looks good.
with some of the fashions today - lots of people look ridiculous to me, but as long as they're happy it's all good.

if you wear it with confidence, you can pull any type of clothes off.

I like to be noticed but I don't like to notice that I'm being noticed. Does that make sense? My fashion choices will reflect that. If you can call it fashion. I'm weird about colors. I gave my mother an olive green sweater and she wears it with hunter green pants and it just makes me cringe. It disturbs my sense of balance.

I've change my look throughout the years. I like to experiment to see what I like. I like to look nice. There are days where I'm in running shorts and a tank top with my hair in pig tails beneath a baseball cap all day... but meh. I think it's okay to be who you want to be. After you're that for a while, people forget you were something else before and they accept the change. If someone gives you crap (there's people on my mother's side of the family who still think of me as five years old with all those same opinions and preferences and REFUSE to acknowledge that I'm a 33 year old mother of four), they're probably full of it (as per my example in parenthesis).

I actually dyed my hair black a couple days ago. I'm a natural redhead. I've been different shades of red, different shades of blonde, raven-haired, dark brown, light brown, and multi-colored. It's just fun to play around. I haven't had black hair since high school. I was goth before goth had a name. Now, I just look like... a soccer mom with black hair. LOL My husband says I look younger but, seriously, this is his comment whenever I do anything different. And, to go from red to black, I've had to change my make-up. Even though my complexion is still white with freckles, I have to do my make up differently because of the hair. It's weird but there's a noticeable difference. I use bronzer now and have put my pink stuff away.

So I groom and play and change... but I'm not trendy and I wouldn't claim to be on the cusp of the latest fashion. I just try to look nice. And it's not all that I think about. I'd like to think that people who are interested in fashion are also interested in other things. At the bottom line, it's about making your outside reflect your inside. If you feel that your look does this, then that's cool. If you want to make adjustments (outside or inside) you ought to feel free to do that, too.

From what you write here I'd say start small - for instance if you can afford go to a good hair stylist and ask for advice. You could ask for a change that would suit you and add a bit of sophistication to your regular haircut, remaining easy to maintain. They'll talk things over with you, not just decide what to do on their own while you end up hating it. They can also give you a few tips and tricks on how to style it yourself (I can't be specific, it can vary a lot depending on face shape and hair type. But I did something similar a long time ago and managed since to keep my hair looking good without much trouble).

I have a very individual style that gets noticed and I often get compliments on how I look, although I don't actually spend much time with it. I usually go for well groomed and classic elegance - nothing slu*ty for me, thank you. I wash my hair daily, do my own nails once a week to keep them nice looking and spend about 10min for discreet make up. It takes me about 30 to max 40 min to be ready in the morning, including my coffee and breakfast and I'm often told I look "flawless". I take good care of my clothes and use accessories and accents to dress them up or down - it's the attention to details that gives that "flawless" appearance. I prefer to buy classic, good quality things that last, in a colour that suits me.

Built around a few basic pieces of good quality and fit (that's especially important) that flatter your figure. Explore a little with accessories and make up but don't push yourself out of your comfort zone - I think it's easier to get used to small changes than a radical make over and it allows to to find your style without feeling awkward.

I think this post gives a few good tips: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp3275309.html#3275309


Edit: More to the point, I do empathise with the feeling in the OP - sometimes I feel I've changed in a significant way or want to change and then I make more or less radical changes in my appearance too.

I have a friend who's a stylist. I can give her the gist of what I want to look like and she can help me make it happen. I usually can't replicate it, so it lasts for one night only. Most of the time I'm told I look like a hobo.

I'm an aspie, and I actually like fashion. I don't wear things because they are a 'fad' because I could care less, I wear something because I like it. I used to be "emo/goth" in school and caught hell for it. I just say do whatever YOU like(as long as it isn't trampy or anything) and don't worry about what others(even other aspies) say. I alway feel like even aspies are stuck in many stereotypes especially female aspies. I actually get a lot of comments on a lot of my outfits, and my sister (Who is NT) always asks me to help her with her hair, clothes, makeup and nails.

Apologies for ignoring this thread! I've read all the replies and they're really helpful

@Emlion

Couldn't agree more! Look at Lady Gaga

@Aimless

Yeah, I think so- when I'm dressed up, I imagine people are looking (the confidence thing I guess) but if I catch anyone looking, I start wondering if I've got mascara all over my face or something...

@Wefunction


That's so true! (bolded). There's loads of girls in my year who change hair colour one day and after a week no one notices. Thanks- this actually really helped (when you're so self-absorbed/conscious, it's easy to forget that you're just a minor character in most people's lives ).



Sounds like you've got it sorted Sallamandrina My problem is I don't know what my style is yet. I like the classy look, but I'm not a professional yet (semi at most) so I might look as if I were trying to upstage the boss..

Read the other thread- full of classic WP stereotyping felt a bit better about being a scruffy student bum, but definitely agree that well-groomed does not have to equal superficial (it's a pervasive stereotype though, hence my embarrassment at starting this thread).

@QuelOround; nice one! I used to live with a beauty therapist but never got round to asking her for tips.

@kinftw,


Yeah, I feel the same. I feel like I'm going to lose my 'aspie badge' if I admit to wanting to dress well/be interested in superficial things (like we have to all act and dress like Sheldon Cooper or something...).

Seriously guys, thanks for the responses- I feel a lot more optimistic and not as ashamed/scared to want to try and find a look for myself (yay, I'm finally becoming a teenager ... 10 years too late )

Here are some issues I've experienced since improving my fashion/image.

1. I look normal....at least some of the time. While this generally allows me to browse shops without security or suspicious sales people bothering me, I occasionally find myself in social situations which are a bit beyond me.

2. Whichever style I choose is always going to be somewhat arbitrary (I don't fit into a "type" other than the vague category of AS) provided it isn't physically uncomfortable, is never going to provide an accurate representation of who I am.

I suppose the list doesn't go any further than this, but the implications are very big, and range from people minimizing my problems when I try to express to them my difficulties, to people being out right hostile towards me because they lose patience with me or we had some miscommunication.

So, are you saying that because you look normal, people expect you to be normal and don't believe you have AS? It's a double-edged sword I guess.

In my line of work, I need to appear as normal as possible. I generally find the 'nicer' I look, the nicer people are to me (it's frankly stupid how a bit of eye-shadow changes people's reaction to you, or maybe I act differently when I wear it... not sure).

That sucks that people are hostile though. Maybe it's less to do with clothes per se and more to do with looking older (don't know your age- please don't be offended!)? I know people get more slack when they're teenagers than as adults so maybe a more-adult dress causes them to have different expectations?

I think dressing fashionably and having great style along with being Aspie causes most people to assume I'm a snob. I've never been able to figure out if that's a good thing or a bad thing.