Ahhh! Im sick of having girlfriends!

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As of the last couple years, Ive started to have a signifcant number girlfriends and I like them and all but when it really comes down to things. Im have to hold back a lot in order to maintian my friendships. And even when I do hold back, they still think I come across to harsh, honest and opinionated. I swear, the guys can almost always tolerate me. It doesnt bother them. I can swear the only problems ive had with guys is when someone likes someone and the person doesnt like them back and that leads to fustration.

Im getting so irked by all this need for feminity and acting nice all the friggin time. And a lotta girls play nice, are gentle and considerate of other peoples feels. It comes down to the strong empathetic sense that girls have that I dont. Since I dont have that, I dont understand them half the time. Why are girls so emotional, sensative and confusing??? Im being a hypocrite when I say that cause I am like am emotional, sensative and confusing too, I really wish I wasnt. Man I feel like Im not a girl when I say I dont understand them. I just hate being the one to always step all over their feelings and just come across as harsh, rude and inconsiderate.

Ok thats my rant

I know the feeling... Being friends with other women is WORK, unless they're ''unfeminine'' like me, then we usually get along. Also, it's really hard to tell when a woman is manipulating you. It's not that i believe all women are manipulating, i just can't see IF a certain woman is manipulating. I had a very bad experience with an older woman who was using me to get to the money i got when my father died...
Maybe try to befriend other aspie girls if there is an asperger support where you live, they're usually easier to get along with. Or maybe just be friends with guys.

same here, the only female friend i have in real life, is just like me, and we're both more like guys when we hang out. >.<

So basically my friend just wrote me off based on something I did which apparently really hurt her. The thing, she knew I was aspie and she has sister with HFA so I was like wtf? It was 1 incident, ive had people give me a 2nd chance before without knowing my condition. So at this point its getting almost pointless to tell people im aspie. They dont get it at all.

And it hurts me back when I hurt someone. I swear this is the reason why I couldnt have female friends for 2 years cause I kept messing things up. Its fustrating. I just cant be myself. One of my friend who actually does accept me for who I am said if they cant accept you then their not real friends. Being aspie female its really hard to find people that are like that. Just the way I am. The fact that I am honest, harsh and opiniated, I like to say stupid things, act like an idiot. With sensative people, its hard to deal. I hold back soo much. I dont like holding back. But on the otherhand, I can relate to women better and talk about my feelings for an iternity. I have girly interests, when it gets into all this complex emotional stuff, it gets soo confusing. Guys can typically tolerate my honesty tons better in general and they dont mind my stupidity. Its hard to find that balance, having the emotions, feelings, interests of girl, yet I very logical minded, tactless, honest, stupid and idiotic at times which is more guyish. Its pretty damn hard to find someone that likes that or doesnt mind that. Im very split.

I practically dont understand the point of girl bonding. To me its just gets boring and im not into it. With large groups of girls, Im like ehhh...then I fall into the background.

I almost find that, thats one of the reasons why aspies find social interactions so damn confusing. Its more women that want to uphold these social standards and have high standards to social ettiquete. Are very into whats appropriete and whats not? For me Im just like wtf? Ive seen other girls talk about how someone was outta line. Im like I seriously didnt see that?? I feel guys arent as fixated on that.

Yeah, I don't get it either. I'd rather hang out with guy friends than girl friends. Only 2 exceptions to that rule in 27 years.

My DH jokes that he married a dude with lady-parts. Thats why we get along so well. Neither one of us can understand women!!

Fortunately for me, he is very happy he married a dude with lady-parts, I don't have to 'be a girl' around him. i can just be me.

Not all women have tact and fall into the stereotype of the "nice girl". Ever watch Daria? Truth be told there are more women out there like that, at least in the US, than you would generally know.

I will be honest, I have friends who are very nice. All of the time. It's not me. I don't really care much about what people think of me, the fact is I have come to accept somebody is going to be alienated by what I say. I am autistic, I don't have the same filter other people do.

What I discovered, is being oneself has some perks. People will like you for your faults, and honestly when you are not forcing yourself in a box, you come off nicer to other people anyway.

I am not saying it is better to be around guys, its not, but strangely enough you will find real friends. They are often the more cynical types who don't hold back much themselves.

The way I like to put it, is there are the herd type of women who always like to play by the rules and within the gender stereotype and are well behaved, and then there are the ones who go against the grain.
The ones who go against the grain who are usually the ones who end up doing more in life.

"Well-behaved women rarely make history”
Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

Let me say this on large groups of girl bonding, it is not for everybody. In fact there are plenty of NT women who do not go for it. Many women just have a few close female friends. There are different social archetypes that have nothing to do with autism, and may be a part of just how we evolved. There are the large group types who bond with large social circles, and then there are people who bond with just a few select individuals. I like to say there are tribal types and coupling types. Truth be told if you are not getting bonding with large groups of women, you are probably more the coupling type. You are probably better off having a few very close friends who accept you. Why you are forcing yourself into situations you might not fit into is probably inherantly stressful.

Last edited by starygrrl on 26 Jan 2011, 3:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yeah I do find myself falling into the group of women who go against the grain. Its so strange, I never thought Id go against the grain so much when I was younger. I found myself going against the grain by the time I hit college and I never tried to. I just did. I tried harder to be normal, normal is not me.

I really like the quote you used above. My friend used to use it all the time. I never was able to grasp the meaning of it so well until now. Its weird, on a surface basis, I can be extremely well behaved, like being in a classroom in K-12. But when if comes to ideologies and the way I want to live my life, I'm not well behaved.

True, I like bonding with people on a one on one basis or small group basis. I cant say that large girl bonding is stressful Id say its more so annoying maybe. I just feel so disconnected. I really dont understand the dynamic of what women find satisfying in girl bonding. I mean what do they like about it? I dont get that? Are their aspie females out their that like girl bonding? Im curious?