Dilemma over meeting

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I feel bad about avoiding an entire AS meetup because there are a few people at that group who I really want to see. However, there is a guy back from vacation who I really want to avoid because he seems to think we're in a serious relationship after barely knowing him. Today, he has attempted to call me 4 times (my home phone 2ce and my cell phone 2ce) in the past couple of hours to ask about whether I'm attending the meetup.

Here is where it all began:

When I met him during one night I found him unattractive. During the same night I met him he asked, "Have you ever been in a relationship before?" I thought it was odd that he was asking that considering that he barely knew me, and I wondered if he was already asking me to become involved in a serious relationship with him. But, I wasn't sure and I wanted to be polite so I responded "No. Have you?" It was probably a really stupid and misleading response. Then we talked and after that he wanted me to meet his parents so I met them. Then his dad talked about a potential pet sitting opportunity for me, and me and this guy exchanged contact information.

After that, I called him mainly to find out more information about the pet sitting. When I called him, he asked if I had told my parents about me and him, and his parents wanted to meet my parents and asked me to join them in a free orchestra event after visiting their pets, and I decided to join them because it was free. However, I was really scared/uncomfortable about joining them before I did and took me a while to figure out that the questions they asked me seem to be the type of questions that people ask when they're either engaged or in a serious relationship. But then I second guessed my intuition and told myself, even though it appears that he thinks of me as a serious lover maybe he just thinks of me as a friend and maybe there's another reason for them asking those questions.

So I saw the free orchestra with them and met their dogs. Then they invited me over to another event shortly after. It wasn't free but it involved someone from the Phantom of the Opera so I decided to go. I said I preferred to take my own car but they insisted on picking me up from my house so I gave them my address. I didn't enjoy it much, and the guy was putting his arm around me and holding my hand. When they took me home he insisted on walking me to the door, then he hugged me and kissed me on the cheek and looked at me with these Goo Goo eyes. After that I realized that he really did assume we are in a serious relationship after only meeting him for the 1st time during the AS meetup.

I feel bad about not going to the whole event, and I feel bad for him because he told me that he has never had any friends in addition to not ever being in any relationship. There is a part of me that says that maybe I could just tell him how uncomfortable I am and give him a chance, but another part of me that feels I should play it safe because he already has my address, I barely know him, and I don't know whether he would comprehend that I never thought of him as being a lover even after explaining. I just don't want to take any chances with him, nor cause any high drama at the meetup event due to me needing to explain to him how I feel. (btw, I didn't take the pet sitting job.)

If you have his contact information, you should contact him directly and let him know you have no desire to be in a romantic relationship with him. Be clear, be firm and do it now before he gets hurt more and before you end up more uncomfortable... especially if the AS meetup is otherwise a good thing for you. Don't let one person's misunderstandings of your boundaries keep you from an otherwise positive experience.

You say he has "attempted to you [you] 4 times... in the past couple of hours to ask about whether [you are] attending the meetup".

By "attempted", can we assume that you didn't answer those calls?

It strikes me as questionable behaviour on your part, to try to paint a picture of intense/stalker-ish behaviour on his part, because he has phoned you several times in a short time frame.

You're not the only person to do that, but why do people do that? Does it not occur to you that perhaps answering the first phone call might be preferable, and then if you have a grown up discussion, there won't be a series of "attempted" phone calls over a short time-frame, that you're apparently getting all alarmed and worked up over?

Just answer the goddamn phone, tell him politely that you don't see him in a romantic way and you're sorry if he misinterpreted your gestures of friendship.

He is not a mind-reader. If you don't tell him, then how can he know you're not interested? If you don't answer his "attempted" phone calls, how is he to know that you're deliberately refusing to answer? He might think that you're busy (in class/at work or whatever), he might think that you've perhaps mislaid your cellphone or the batteries have run out, he might think you're not answering your landline because you're not in, because you're out at work or class or whatever you do, or you've nipped out for groceries or to run an errand.

He likes you, therefore he's probably attributing your failures to answer his calls to genuine reasons, he's probably projecting all kinds of good thoughts onto your character. Because he likes you, he's probably not thinking, Oh, I've attempted to call her several times now, she must be avoiding me and painting a picture of stalker behaviour in her head... he's probably thinking of a million and one genuine reasons why you might have missed his calls.

Just do the decent thing and be honest with him and put him out of his misery. And accept responsibility for the part your own dishonest behaviour has played in the awkward situation you now find yourself in.

That makes sense. I didn't go to the event and it had a low turn out anyway, because the weather was bad. Also, I phoned him the next day and told him I'm not interested in a serious relationship. I tried to be polite about it. I hope I was also firm enough. I'm still debating about whether or not I should go to the next session. If he doesn't comprehend things well enough it might be awkward. I'm afraid of either making him or myself look bad in front of everyone. Though I wonder if I'm being too catastrophic.