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Ai_Ling
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08 Mar 2011, 12:50 am

Ok I know we have another post about being friends with other women. But I notice when I read a lotta things about autistic girls that they have a hard time bonding with other girls which seems to be true based on what Ive read here. But then the experts are often show concern for this. Like we need to find girls that we can bond with?My question is: why? I can see if a girl just plain cant make friends...thats problamatic. But if a girl just cant make friends with other girls but can befriend guys. Why is that a problem?



Chronos
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08 Mar 2011, 1:51 am

Ai_Ling wrote:
Ok I know we have another post about being friends with other women. But I notice when I read a lotta things about autistic girls that they have a hard time bonding with other girls which seems to be true based on what Ive read here. But then the experts are often show concern for this. Like we need to find girls that we can bond with?My question is: why? I can see if a girl just plain cant make friends...thats problamatic. But if a girl just cant make friends with other girls but can befriend guys. Why is that a problem?


Past a certain age, most men you befriend will see you as a prospective romantic interest, or won't see you as a full fledged part of their circle of friends. If he's married, his wife may also have difficulty with his relationship with you.



LKL
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08 Mar 2011, 1:56 am

unless he's gay.
Unfortunately, there aren't that many gay men around vs. straight ones.



Solvejg
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08 Mar 2011, 3:40 am

I think the real question is...... Why do we need friends? What do friends give us that we can't give ourselves?

I realise that some people thrive on getting vindication off of others for their choices but some people don't need that. I think that is why swarms of women go shopping in groups or at least pairs. I think it is also why people don't go to movies or out to dinner alone. "do you like xyz?" "oh i don't like it either" ect ect.

I personally dislike doing things with other people and having to answer their questions on what i thought about the movie, dinner, their outfit ect. I never say the right thing so they get annoyed and i get frustrated that i answered their question when they didn't want my opinion in the first instance.

sorry for the rant.


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Ai_Ling
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08 Mar 2011, 4:41 am

I guess that if you truly feel you dont need friends then thats fine...in my book. But did u come to that conclusion on just solely on personal preferences or is it due to numerous frustrations of being unable to make friends or getting fed up with people? To answer your question otherwise...humans are social creatures, majority of people naturally need the company of other people...however this doesnt apply to everyone. My original question was why the experts make it a big deal that autistic girls are not connecting to other girls. If you can make decent friends with someone then thats good.



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08 Mar 2011, 4:54 am

I have lots of acquaintances just no real friends. I just don't feel the need. I am fine being alone. I am sure if i wanted some friends, i could form some friendships but i just don't feel the need to socialise more then i currently am. I just can't rationally see the need for friends.


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LKL
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08 Mar 2011, 3:57 pm

For most people, solitary confinement is literally torture. Some people literally go insane without human contact. Most of us aspies don't need as much as NTs, but most of us do need some and feel lonely without it.



Ai_Ling
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08 Mar 2011, 4:45 pm

LKL wrote:
For most people, solitary confinement is literally torture. Some people literally go insane without human contact. Most of us aspies don't need as much as NTs, but most of us do need some and feel lonely without it.


Yeah thats I think thats true. NTs on average need the social company...dont get me wrong Ive known had some NT friends who didnt feel like they needed it or wanted it as much. As for aspies...often we grow up just doing our own thing but were still surrounded by people going to school and stuff. And when we figure out that were different and we dont fit in, thats when having a lack of friends can get to you. For me, I realize getting a bunch of friends and finding friends to always hangout with was heavily due to insecurity problems and my strive to appear "normal". In my personal preferences I find I still want friends and company just not as much as many NTs. Im quite content being by myself more so then many NTs. Some NTs like being around people 24/7, that will drive me crazy and its exhausting unless its 1 or 2 friends that I know well.



happymusic
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08 Mar 2011, 8:39 pm

I've never really had close female friends. I mess things up. I don't know how to be regular friends with another woman. I don't know what to do....go shopping? talk on the phone? About what? I feel like they start to suffocate me. At a certain point all I can think is "go away".



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09 Mar 2011, 12:41 pm

I had trouble making friends period. I had a few acquaintances that I would hang out with when I felt the need for social contact, but I much preferred reading to people. My parents would often take literature out of my backpack just so I would have nothing to read at recess; that made me miserable until I figured out to stick books in a pocket or sweater.
The thing is, psychologists seem to think that everything ultimately screws up your child. My mom read up on way too many psychologists without really digesting and interpreting the meaning. That's why they still think it's ADD not AS, when stimulants just made me sick. Personally, no friends is a huge problem; no friends of the same sex isn't. If anything, it gives them a better understanding of themselves and of the opposite sex.
I can tell you that I didn't have close female friends until I was sixteen years old. Even then the really close relationships didn't start until I went to college. Before then, all girls wanted to talk about were boys and gossip, even at eight years old. I got teased because while they were into that, I was into cooking, science, and reading, especially about cooking and archaeology. They targeted me because I was different; I was poorer than most of my classmates, so they made fun of my clothes for being homemade; I had a mother who stayed in bed and would yell at us not to miss the bus from her room, so they forced my mouth open to see if I had brushed my teeth, count my cavities, and show how stained they were. Frankly, I'm glad I didn't wind up in that group now, because I may have turned out like them. In high school, my classmates loved my information retention, except when it destroyed grading curves. Fellow female students would often ask me to dumb it down on group English projects because I would see a set of words that defined a single word and would replace the phrase with said word.