I'm ashamed to tell guys that I...

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am on SSI, don't drive, and have Aspergers...

I'm living with my ex right now because I have nowhere else to go, but I kind of want to date again. I hate the dreaded question "so what do you do?" I kind of blank out and just kind of smile and say, I'm unemployed ATM.

What guy would want a totally dependent girl? I also feel like I would attract the wrong kind of guys who could potentially take advantage of my lack of "adult responsibilities"...

it's 2017 and women and men are basically equal when it comes to working. It's not like say 50 years ago when women were expected to do nothing but have kids.

As a male, those things per se wouldn't bother me. (Unless they translate to, "I expect you to give me a comfortable lifestyle and drive me wherever I want to go.") Intelligence and kindness are much more important.

I'm basically in the same boat.

I'm not on ssi, but I'm in a similar situation. I have a job but I don't get payed enough to move out and support myself. I can't wait until I finish school and can be independent. I think a lot of people look down on others who have sh***y jobs or are on ssi and think we are lazy failures. The right person will look more toward your personality I think. I can see why it's embarrassing too because then they are going to want know why.

That's good, honestly.... I see it as something positive that some women in the world are starting not taking men for granted, and starting worrying about such things in dating. That's the right track for full equality.
Working men should also rise their standards and start refusing dating unemployed women. When I was in unemployed period every lady rejected me just on this basis.
The housewive culture must die.

I understand your pain OP, but in the same time you should probably go for men in the same position; if you want to avoid men who have a housewive-mentality. If you depend on a man financially while you don't work then you are contributing in keeping the housewife culture, no matter what.

My wife was a housewife for nearly a decade after coming down with a terminal disability.
I suppose I'm the exception--we did better than OK financially. I actually have enough to
for a comfortable retirement--right now.

Why must the housewife culture die?

Question: If you were married and had kids with me and I have a job and you have a job (this is extremely hypothetical), I sure as hell would expect you to do your part and take the kids to school when I'm working and also call into work if they get sick. My job does not always allow me to call in and I can't just leave work to go pick up kids when school lets out early. So, if men are able to help out with the kids, housework, going to the grocery store, kids homework, etc., etc., etc., then getting rid of the housewife role would be just fine. My Mama did all of those tasks while my dad worked. I have no idea how families do it now, but I have read that the wife is expected to do most of it and that just wouldn't work in my household.

I applaud you, Mr. BTDT. I think men these days just want things easier. It's difficult to be a man and have a decent job and have the weight of the household on your shoulders when it comes to livelihood. It is also difficult for women to be expected to be the perfect mother, wife and also have a full-time job because let's all just agree that it still is mainly the woman taking care of the kids unless she is a totally debilitated and the husband has to step in. I know at work, the women are expected to stay at home with the kids when they are sick, take them to school in the morning once they get off work, etc.

I would like to hear from men who have kids and are married and let me know if this is true. From my experience, most of the nurses I have worked with are not happy in their marriages and usually end up getting divorced. One said her husband was a college professor and could grade papers and do some work at home so she could try to pick up some extra shifts since she was the one making the most money, but he did not want to stay at home and watch the kids so instead he went to the school to grade the papers forcing her to go home (after working all night) and stay up with the kids all day. Screw that. He should be able to do his work at home while watching the kids while she sleeps and does another night shift that night.

Last edited by nurseangela on 19 Jan 2017, 9:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I can't be a house wife, I don't want kids... which puts more pressure on me to have a good job.

Idk what I'm going to do about employment, I have no experience and I dropped out of college because I feel too dumb, AND I don't want to be in debt.

I thought about doing work from home, since I don't drive.

What does the "feel to dumb" mean? Did you make bad grades? Maybe a tutor could help? Did you pick something you weren't interested in? My brother couldn't go to college either and his wife didn't go to college - he works for the postal service and she works for AT&T and both bring in decent salaries. I tell people these days that you will most likely not be able to do a job you love. I do my job pretty much for the money because it is just too stressful and requires constant education. I'd rather flip burgers if that was possible or have an office job - one that wasn't so labor intensive. What do you think you can do? Can you be around people?

My former supervisor is married to a nurse and he does all that, including taking care of his two little daughters while she's on night shift. My parents were like that too, I had an upbringing in a two-working parents household.



It is one of the things keeping women behind.
The housewife culture is one of the reasons why HR and employers, when dividing the salary budget, assume that a married man needs more money than a married woman and even more than a single man , yes they do that all the time and there's no way to prove it against them.

The "I have no job, will someone accept to date me?" was a man-only dating concern about a decade ago - it is good that it is becoming universal.

It's probably why there are so many divorces and latch key kids and single moms.

You probably should avoid inviting your dates to your place then. I can see how it would be awkward if your ex got back home, for example.

Well start something as a volunteer or go get a job that you can handle, maybe part time, and maybe a place you can walk to. It doesn't have to be a great job. It will give you a lot of strength if you have an identity outside of your limitations. You'll find strengths in you that you didn't know about.

Yeah bad grades. I tried taking the classes I need just to get the associates, but it got so bad that they don't want to give me financial aid anymore...

I'm not good with people so not costumer service. Maybe something hands on where I don't need to interact with the public.

I wanted to do graphic design, but its sooo competitive and I'm really not that great.

Ever thought of NGOs? Something administrative in an NGO?