Do you feel awkward too?

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I am 33 years old, married 10 years with 3 small kids, feel unfeminine, talk unfeminine, act unfeminine, and just feel plain weird. When I converse with people, I feel so uncomfortable! I wonder if what I say matters, and I stumble over my phrases sounding like an idiot. Heck, Im even impatient when I speak to others, because it takes so long to make my point sometimes! I have little desire to hang out with other people, even though I am a Christian and know Im supposed to be a people-person. I wear earplugs most days to drown out the kids' noises; this allows me to function in a kind manner around my family. Basically, I believe that I feel, think, and act opposite of what others around me would rather I be.

My profession is nursing, and I love it! Go figure...

As far as AS diagnosis, I have none; all I have is just a lifelong "feeling" of being odd and scoring with high probability on those online tests. I guess I just need to tell some complete strangers how I feel, because telling my immediate family would lead to unwanted discussions about myself (which I dont like to draw attention to.)

Thanks!

You're not alone. I hope sharing this has helped you and that you do come back to learn that you're not alone.

I'd like you to give examples of what you think is unfeminine about how you talk and act. Strength is not necessarily masculine.

I have four kids and am also married. I know the value of quiet time when you live with so many other people (including sharing your bedroom). You may enjoy being a nurse because - although it involves people skills, communication and noise - it is organized. You're talking to this patient, then you're doing this, then you're doing this. It's systematic. Even when something unexpected happens, there's a protocol for it. You have a knowledge base for what to do, what to say, and what to expect. Such luxuries are not available at home.

You can design your home with these luxuries. I'm also very dependent on organization and routines. If someone says they're going to do something, they should do it. The only jobs I've enjoyed were very systematic. Much like nursing, I had protocols, schedules, and a knowledge base to consult for every part. I am returning to school to be a teacher, where I will be very much at home with the schedules, routines and expectations. I am married with four kids. In my home, we have rules for every room, a chore schedule, and a reward calendar (they get rewarded a star a day for completing their tasks, 1 star = $1. They get paid every 2 weeks.) There are also rules for playing the Wii and riding in the car. We have a Family Night schedule, where certain nights of the week are designated for family activities. The kids and husband have responded well to this and the structure works very well for me.

I recommend that you structure your home so you can expect the noise that the kids make and know what's happening. Design a schedule and structure that works best for you and your family. Your kids will respond positively to the change. It will relieve stress even for your husband (who I assume does not share your difficulties).

As far as stumbling over your tongue when trying to talk to people, I understand this, too. I recommend that you practice when you're alone (in the bathroom, probably). Rehearse possible situations where people might say something to you and you have to respond. Think about the different responses you could give and practice them. If you have trouble making eye contact, practice this in the mirror. Some people may be able to say the right thing at the right time all the time. You and I (and many, many others) are NOT those people. So we practice and think about things beforehand. There's nothing wrong with it.

Well as a matter of fact, Wefunction, am in the process of block-scheduling time. I am a glutton for punishment and have chosen again to homeschool. Also, I am trying to wake up earlier so I do not have 3 kids at my bed crying for something. My youngest will be two, and she is potty-training well. This morning I heard (finally after 10 minutes), "Mommy, I have to go potty." SO I get up with my eyes all crusty, glasses left at the bedside stand, and let her out. No sooner do I put her on her Elmo potty seat that I have to go potty, and God forbid I leave her alone! Anyhow, I need to get up at least an hour or two earlier to counter things. Optimally, I could get my Bible study, breakast, and workout in before the kids wake!

What I need to do is have better recall. I lose my train of thought easilly (probably because I distract myself with my thoughts when I talk to others.) I also need to pick and choose my conversations better Some really are not worth starting, and I am trying to get out of the habit of playing devil's advocate and truth-seeking. Sometimes I cannot let a conversation go without needing to know how someone else knows the info they just produced. Really, why do I care?

Thank for your reply! Time to schedule!

Routine helps me in my home schooling and really life efforts as well. I try to be flexible within the bounds of strcture, if that makes sense. With 4 kids there is no hard and fast, I will stop for things such as a caterpillar discovery ect and take the whole of learning time looking that up, journaling helping the children journal their findings ect. It is great when I am home, I am in charge and if something unexpected comes up I am the one to decide what direction to shift in next.

In the social situations you describe yourself in, I am actually a bit envious. Instead of not saying enough, I have a faulty filter from my brain to my mouth that enables me to spew out what I have thought w/o good screening and processing. AFTER I have said something akward, or odd, then I realize that may not have been the best thing to say. Or I will realize it hours, even days later unpon contemplation. I wish I'd just keep my mouth shut. I have yet to learn how to adequatly discuss the weather and trivial exchanges. I try to just nod and smile and keep a reign on my tounge, alas, if they pause too long I may say something "real" and give the whole thing an odd feel. Oh well.

Since you are a nurse and you seem to want to be otherly focused due to your relationship w. God, I suggest doing a little of what actually gets me in trouble. Seems you and I are on opposite sides of the pendulem, so maybe swinging my way a little could help you. I think I'd like to swing to your way of keeping quiet, but chances are low- ha ha. If perhaps you could switch your focus, or even pray for a switch in focus, to seeing every exchange as a chance to intact with a human spirit, soul. It is really about showing some deeper level of care, and seeing them not just as an exchange to be endured, but a person to be listened to and really heard, seen. I feel and see things very deeply. I hear what is not said, at times, when someone is talking the most trival stuff, I may see that they are hurting. Often, I speak to what I feel and not just what I hear and see and it has come to some times of having someone cry, or laugh, or make a true connection. Sometimes this is just too close for ppl and they wall off. If only I could just talk about the weather without noticing someone is distracted, looks tired, or is rubbing their knee or whatever. If only I could just be simple and quiet... you see, we are never what we think others want us to be. But maybe we are just what we were meant to be, even created to be. So, I accept myself and try to work on it as it pertains to furthering my necessary relationships and cultivating new ones. God knew what he was doing when he put me together this way, after all. He will give me wisdom to walk in it.

As for the home schooling and getting your time for you all in one chunk, great, if you can manage it. Yet, getting up that much earlier than your little ones may, at some point, prove exhausting. In that case, spread your "me" time out over the early morning hours, giving them their instructions or setting younger ones on an activity and slipping away for 15 min here and there for your own needs. I found a little reading here and there through the day promoted meditation and appliation to life. Sometimes that works better for me than a solid 30 min or an hour all before the day begins. Let's face it, it is a long day! So if you can't maintain getting up that early, or if your kids are like mine and they catch on that you are up earlier and start getting up earlier too, lol, happened more than once over the yrs, then consider what others in the working world do every day. Take a "coffee break" in your room a few times a day. Take a "lunch" once in awhile and eat in a room seperate from your children where you can still supervise but do something on your own while they are occupied for at least 15 min or even double that if your lucky! That way you can still get up earlier than the children enough to get a head start on them but stay up late enough to enjoy the decompression that comes when children are fast asleep. Just a thought!

Hope you find what you are looking for on this board. I find it is among the few places I can relate to others. Very supportive ppl here.

Snowy Owl, thank you for your great ideas. I tweaked my schedule allowing me to shower or work out at 7am OR 10pm..I choose. Either way, Im in bed by 11pm, I rise at 7am, and I have my big kid play with the toddler while I teach the other kid.