Asexuality.. or not? I'm confused I guess

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Ok so I am obsessed with sex. Like a special interest I guess. I enjoy looking at lingerie in shops and feeling sexy and I have a really high sex drive. This may sound a bit personal, and I don't want to sound too crude, but sometimes when I masterbate, I'll fantasise about having a partner... but its not about love... it's just the sex.
Funny thing is, the partner I have created is biologically female but is transgender... so a guy in essence.

Anway.. my point in this topic... in the great scheme of things, I consider myself asexual... because while I may have a super high sex drive, I couldn't imagine doing anything to someone else. Too many things would go round my head... like I may be self consiouce or frustrated that theyre not giving me what I want so to speak. But the thought of physically having sex with someone is almost a turn off rather than a turn on...

I'm probably not making much sence... but here's the part where I question my asexuality.
There's this girl. She sent me a massive long email on myspace in summer 2006 telling me how much she liked me etc. (to add to the confusion, bare in mind this girl is someone who I knew from high school and when I first went to this high school, at the time, I myself was transgender (didn't have surgery or anything like that) but I wanted to be a boy).. so she knew me as Jason... and she liked me as Jason... then when I came out of that phase she said she still liked me as Charlie... a girl and so said she was bisexual.

The thing is... she just sent me another message on Facebook telling me she's never stopped liking me and that 'the ball is in my court now' that she's told me she still likes me.
Ok.. here's the big point of this topic.. I do kind of like her... I mean I'd like to kiss her and hold her... I think she's beautiful... but I'm not gay... If I think about being in a relationship with her, then I'd want her to see me as a boy... I dunno... but then if I think about having sex with her... I don't think I could do that.

I'm thinking about asking her on a date but then I'm so shy, I'd probably not say a lot.... she's quite shy too... interestingly enough, her brother has Asperger's Syndrome.. which I didn't know! So perhaps she kinda knows a bit of how I may feel. I kinda think she may have AS too... but I don't know since I don't spend enough time with her... I want to. She's always been there for me... I remember when I went into the psych unit and I hadn't seen her in 3 years.... but she actually came and visited me!

Ok, I'm really talking too much... because I have so much going round my head and it's all coming out in garble... so I hope you can understad this!!
What I'm trying to say is... I thought I was asexual... the thought of physicallly having sex with someone does nothing for me really... but at the same time... I would like to be with this girl... but I don't want her to see ME as a girl... I'd like her to treat me a boy... but then I don't think I could have sex with her...

I don't know.

Can anyone understand this or relate in any way?

Charlie x

I think you should give her a chance. She sounds like a good match for you.

I believer asexual generally means you have no interest in sexual things. You seem very interested. I don't know if there's a term for you, maybe solo-sexual?
I think in your case, am imaginary person is easy to make exactly what you need, and a real one... well you're not in control of them, so it's a bit intimidating.

I think too much is made of gender idenities. There is nothing wrong with looking or acting like either (or both) sexes, as long as you're comfortable with it.