I'm doing this all the time I don't keep myself in strict check. Unfortuantly, keeping myself in this kind of tight place doesn't allow me to get anything out of any given interaction so I am attempting to forge new friendships with more depth with ppl I consider to be safe. Ppl who will accept me for what I am, then be more "acceptable" with accquaintances and everyone else.
This past week I had been having several exchanges with one close woman friend I have, as it has been 1 wk today my divorce was final. She has been very loving of me and my children. Very supportive on the whole. However, as one who has also been divorced long ago and is been remarried for yrs, her insights were more of the "get over it" variety. She sees me and the children as better off for the split, in reality we are. However, I had no place to go with the sad and angry feelings I was trying to process and she is the safest place I have right now. I thought about this a lot, and as she really has stated over and over she wants to be here for me I decided to ask for what I need from her, compassion for my loss.
I was very tactful and full of gratitude for what she does give me, a kind of "tough love" in the situation, but I also let her know I needed more compassion. I asked her to think more in terms of how she'd feel if she lost her current husband rather than taking it in terms of what she'd already gotten over with her own ex. Little did I consider all the other current burdens of her life, she is raising several children of her own, one whom is still an infant up all night teething/ nursing. She also has multiple other responsibilies in business ect. I asked for what I needed, but didn't take into account how this might make her feel with everything else in her life.
The result? She apologized and admitted she felt pulled so many directions right now and didn't feel she could fullfill any of the many places she is needed in. She herself was going through her own hard times, and it seemed my plea for help kind of made her feel bad. So.... I don't know if I am to just keep going on the surface and not ask for what I really need in relationships or when to take it to the deeper level. I'm still trying to figure it out. Thankfully, this is a friend who will love me no matter what. That doesn't mean I don't continually stick my foot in my mouth when I let that strict "in check" thing down a bit.
OP, this is just the kind of thing that would/ has happened to me over the yrs! I thought if there are ads blaring on tv about feminnine protection then perhaps it fit into a conversation about cramps ect how much I love my cloth pads, for example. But, no, it gets the same response as others have said like you just deficated in their presence! I don't really always get it, I usually do after it is too late. Maybe someday I will figure it out before hand, sometimes I do! I am sure I have a blunder a week though, at least on the weeks I actually interact with others. I seem to make associations, like another pp, which seem to me to be in the same category of the conversation, to others they don't fit. My hope is to find at least a close friend or two who will accept me despite this. I'm working on it!