do you feel jealousy toward other females?

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Do you feel jealousy toward other women?
Yes, a lot. 8%  8%  [ 14 ]
Yes, a lot. 8%  8%  [ 14 ]
Yes, a little. 19%  19%  [ 33 ]
Yes, a little. 19%  19%  [ 33 ]
No, none. 22%  22%  [ 38 ]
No, none. 22%  22%  [ 38 ]
Total votes : 170

en_una_isla
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26 Aug 2006, 12:04 pm

I have noticed (and this is just my observation from having been female for 33 years) that women are very jealous and catty. I'm not saying they're always this way, or that they can't be nice, but starting in school and onward into adulthood, it seemed like females were ALWAYS sizing each other up. These are some of the things they are always judging and comparing on other women:

*her figure-- fat or thin? women will be jealous of thinner women
*clothes-- trendy or not? expensive or not?
*hair
*for those with kids-- whose kid is smarter/ better behaved/ cuter etc.

I have never felt jealousy toward women on any of these issues. It was something I noticed in school-- the girls would all gossip about each other's appearance and be very jealous and comparative with each other. It was and still is completely foreign to me. WHY would someone be jealous of someone else's clothes (unless you're freezing and naked??)?



Musical_Lottie
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26 Aug 2006, 1:14 pm

I'll admit I get envious of when other females my age weigh less than me, or have a better figure than me. Also when they're evidently more well-liked by people in our little group than I am, simply because I have such respect for and like everyone so much within our group that I want to be liked by them as well. And to see certain others with better figures and who are better suited to remembering facts for exams, and therefore doing better than me - it gets very disheartening to see it every day at school. So yes, a little envious, but I keep it to myself and am not catty toward them. Because it's my problem, not theirs.


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en_una_isla
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26 Aug 2006, 1:19 pm

Well, I definitely get disheartened, but I think that's different from jealousy. My understanding is that jealousy is an "anger" that someone has something you feel you are more entitled to have. Is that a good definition?



Musical_Lottie
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26 Aug 2006, 1:31 pm

I don't know. But one thing that made sense when someone told me was that there are two types of jealousy.

1) Why do they have it? I should have that instead.
2) That's not fair. Why can't I have that as well?

I have never had number 1, only ever number 2.


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appassionata
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26 Aug 2006, 1:56 pm

en_una_isla

I agree entirely, a lot of women tend to be catty and jealous, I think that's why I've always got on better with men.

I remember a few years ago seeing a three women in a sports centre changing room. As they were getting ready they were chatting, then one left. The moment she'd gone, the other two started making nasty comments like “she's dressed up like a christmas tree”.

I've never been like that and wouldn't want to be.



lae
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26 Aug 2006, 3:17 pm

When I was a teenager, it hurt me really bad that I was homely, and so different from other girls. I told myself that I scorned them but I think a lot was envy then. I thought that if I was pretty like the others, that I would have no more problems. People do often seem to treat the more attractive people better.
Now that I'm middle aged, I'm just glad to have my health, and I don't care anymore that I will never look like a Barbie doll.



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26 Aug 2006, 4:28 pm

I didn't even know what jealousy was for a long time. It couldn't be explained to me because it made no sense.

Beauty couldn't be explained to me either-because it didn't make sense.

Meanwhile I had a habit of noticing every one else's really cool attributes-the things that made them them. Not in a jealous way.

I did notice a strange trend of girls or the rare friend going for the guy--only after I did. And found that pretty bizarre and painful since I only went for the ones that I both liked and were statedly unwanted by other chicks (territory politeness)~

Maybe that had something to do with the human tradition of deciding what is 'in' by what others do.

I just can't see being jealous of someone of a bad moral (one who hurts another purposely due to jealousy or any other factor)

At the same time, being the recipricant of jelasy, as an apergers is a double whammy.

I've actually been hesitant to excersice because the catty-ness in my life will start up again and I am not sure I have the tools to handle it--so I'll give myself diabetes instead.

I had good eyes, good teeth, thick hair, a small muscular body.
Had they known I couldn't see, had broken my back and jaw, fear perfect teeth, and envy the english, would they have felt better? Even that doesn't make sense.

Still, I have a tendency to envy or feel good about other females, even though as either a pretty person or an aspergers I am rarely taken seriously and almost always denied acess to basic services as if I have a face and no soul worth caring enough about as the next girl.

I'm supposed to have made up for this with good looks-but is being the object of others superficial attention really a compensation?

I guess maybe indeed I am jealous, but I am going to leave my answer because of the way it read to me. No. I love my 'sisters', I am not jealous of what they have or are, I am happy/proud for them-it seems a right minded approach.


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26 Aug 2006, 9:10 pm

I voted a little, because sometimes I wish I had what they did, but never enough to make me be rude or nasty to them.

Mainly it just makes me sad or depressed. I don't think there is any excuse for rudeness to people because you are jealous of them, it's pathetic, i've had to put up with it so I'd never do it to anyone else.

Some of them have bodies I wish I could have, confidence around men, money.



Enigmatic_Oddity
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26 Aug 2006, 10:36 pm

I agree, there's nothing wrong with jealousy per se. Similar to rivalry, you can turn it into motivation. It's when you take your jealousy out on a person by being hostile towards them that it becomes a problem.

And in any case, most people can see jealousy a mile away, so for that reason too, expressing jealousy is a bad idea.



Morphia
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27 Aug 2006, 5:02 am

No, i don't really get jealous, i useually don't want the things other people have in any case, like to be thin or have a good figure or be popular etc. I really don't class those things as important. I was asked once if i was jealous of my sister because she was really pretty and outgoing and popluar and i remember sitting there thinking. 'Why should i be jealous of her, there's nothing wrong with my face and i don't want to be like her anyway??' I was truly puzzled, being jealous of my sister had just never crossed my mind before.
I don't think not being jealous nesscearily all that great as its really just syptom of my general lack of interest in the real world. i am a servire escapest and obssessed with fantasy and fantasy worlds and i don't envy my sister because i would want to be known as a great stroyteller, or be able to have adventures in the wilds. Not be popular or pretty....hows that useful when slaying dragons!! ! :) :)


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en_una_isla
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27 Aug 2006, 8:16 am

I just recalled a time when I did feel a lot of jealousy... a few years ago I wanted to convert to another religion but was not allowed to because the leadership of this religion did not think I qualified. I was really devastated and when I saw people/ families of this religion, especially women or women with their children, I would feel either this agonizing rage, deep despair, or intense jealousy. But that is a bit different, I think, than the average female jealousy. I don't have those feelings as intensely anymore, but they still linger.



TechnoMonk
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27 Aug 2006, 8:35 am

The simple reason that they're like that, it's all about status.

People(and animals tbh) are like that in general, it's not just female humans. They size each other up when they meet, then establish a heirarchy based on valuble traits in their enviroment.

I suppose it's the place that a lot of the negative stuff in society comes from, the need people have to feel as though they're superior to someone else. Self proclaimed upper classes look down on middle class, look down on working class, look down on minorities.
It's all bullshi* really, but people are susceptible to bullshi*.



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27 Aug 2006, 11:14 pm

I believe my husband has called me the "most non-jealous female" he's ever met. And before he dated me, believe me, he got around. :wink:

I will ocassionally feel something like jealousy when I see someone who has really thick, healthy hair. But I feel the same way when I see men with really thick healthy hair. No matter how hard I try, I genetically have dry, thin, crappy hair. And when I say jealous, it's more like "man, I wonder if she has some secret hair vitamins that I don't know about or something."



Astarael
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27 Aug 2006, 11:45 pm

I get jealous way too easily. Always {majority of the time} to do with the amount of attention someone I'm close to gets from someone I want attention from - If I want someone to pay attention to me and they're paying a lot of attention to a friend then I get jealous. But if they're paying attention to someone I don't know, I've just seen around then I don't get jealous, I just accept it and move on. I guess it's because I know the person so I compare myself to them and obsess over their weaknesses so it seems like a better option for the person to pay more attention to me. If only that achieved something :P



Dandelion
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28 Aug 2006, 7:02 am

I sometimes feel jealous of women (men, too, actually) who are good at schmoozing and socializing and are well-liked because of it. It's not really that I want to be like them... I just wish sometimes that my good qualities (honesty, reliability, loyalty, intelligence) had the same immediate social usefulness. Everyone instantly likes a good conversationalist. It takes longer to appreciate honesty.



sweetpraline
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28 Aug 2006, 9:04 pm

I'm not really jealous of other womens' looks. However, I do get jealous of how it seems so easy for other women to find dates, boyfriends, husbands, etc. And as an aspie female, who has been single most of my adult life, why it is so difficult for me. It even seems like girls who are fatter and uglier than me have no problems finding male companionship.

On several occaisions when I have gotten into arguments with other women. It always seems like they will throw it up in my face, "Well, at least I can get a man". That really rubs salt on my wounds.