Is being lady-like a bad thing?

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Thought this was an interesting article on Hello Giggles
Is being lady-like a bad thing?

I'll just quote the last paragraph where she sums it all up:

I am glad you brought this up because the practice of sparing other people's feelings is the cruelest practice I know. It's an excuse not to stand up for what you belive, an excuse not to tell the truth and and excuse not to help someone else out of a bad spot.

I know I am dealing with a truly good person when they are more concerned about the truth and doing the right thing than they are with sparing someone's feelings.

The alternative?

I just keep my mouth shut and let you go out into the world looking like a joke because I cannot be bothered to deal with a possible fallout resulting from your feelings being hurt when I tell you that yes, that dress makes you look fat and hideous and you have toilet paper stuck on your shoe and everyone's laughing at you behind your back because you didn't brush your hair and there is a condom up there in the birds nest on the back of your head next to some left over pizza.

Of course, as with everything in life, there are gradations. I am not a big fan of ladettes, personally, but I think they have a right to exist as much as any lady. And it's good to have a choice and to have freedom to exercise that choice.

Radical opinions are not automatically inflammatory; one has to choose to perceive them as such.

It is my opinion that people who don't value honesty from those around them deserve neither their friendship nor to have their feelings spared. People who favor deceit and flattery over truth Are a good part of what is wrong in the world. Not to mention being completely illogical.

For instance, if I ask my husband if my jeans make me look fat, I am not fishing for a compliment. I want to know if my jeans look too tight so I can change them before I go out of the house in them (it took him forever to understand that, lol). If I give a story I wrote to a friend to read for me before I send it to a publisher, I don't want an insincere "Aw, it was great!". I want "The third chapter was confusing. There were way too many characters there for no reason." I don't want to send it to a publisher with obvious flaws in it.

I think it's truly an art to be a that lady like and it's a fine line between sparing someones feelings vs making them feel good around you without lying or deceiving; a fine line between keeping your true opinions to yourself and not having ill wishes towards anyone at all or/and being able to deliver a sound advice with a dash of humor

I think it's an art to be practiced by anyone who truly strives for self development and happiness.

I think a lot about that, too bad I've got no skills for it. It's not that I care about other peoples feelings, it's just that this sort of thing is really aesthetically pleasing ( I mean proper behavior)

I think what is described in the quote is good. I've struggled with this concept a bit because it seems difficult to know the line between being true to your convictions and being rude. I realized that some of the most well-respected humans are those who have mastered the art of saying things in such a way that they can say what needs to be said without hurting others (e.g., the Dali Lama). There is always a place for righteous anger, but the places for that are much rarer than we'd often like. Being "ladylike" or a "gentleman" or whatever means staying calm, forcing yourself to take the other person's perspective, and thinking about what you say before you say it.

I hate the idea of deception and flattery, and I hate it when people use roundabout ways to subtly manipulate others. But being polite doesn't mean doing those things. In the case of not wanting to let someone hurt themselves or make a fool of themselves, it means being graciously honest instead of harshly honest. And, sometimes, it means choosing not to say something after considering that it doesn't actually need to be said.

One thing to also consider is that the vast majority of people do not want to be told radical opinions unless they specifically ask to hear them. I try to keep that in mind. Apart from my close friends and family, I don't really talk about political/religious/controversial topics unless the other person directly asks me my opinion or brings up their own stance in a calm intellectual way. Unfortunately, yes, it is rather boring when most people just talk about the weather and other small-talk, or loudly proclaim their opinions with no intention of discussing them. I guess it's why I prefer to surround myself with a handful of close friends rather than a crowd of acquaintances.

Not at all, whatever floats your boat.

I'm not sure what to make of this. I think there's a huge middle ground. For example, I'm polite and friendly and I help others (like old people with getting on the bus or w/e) and I'm not very likely to (deliberately) hurt people. I do have empathy and I'm not a person who makes huge fusses about minor issues so it's not like I often ''have'' to offend someone.

However.

I do get crap. People on the streets make me feel unsafe and unwanted, because for example I'm not modestly (=veil/islamic) dressed, or because I'm white (which makes you feel very unsafe when you're just a thin girl alone with a group of hateful/bigoted people). Such incidents are so commonplace! And I'm not polite to those people. They cross my boundaries, they attack me for no reason.

Another however.

Being lady-like, does that mean you don't hurt anyone at all? Just because I'm female it doesn't mean I have to accept all kinds of crap, or not make my opinion heard about issues regarding me or others. Why does being lady-like have to mean that I basically erase my opinion and position from the public to just being a perfect porcelain doll?

I think people can be friendly and polite, yet remain human. Because of reality we just can't sit in a Monet-like garden in pretty white summer dresses being all polite and polished personalities. (on the exterior)

Men can be much more honest and blunt and women are supposed to have this huge set of social skills and fine social arts to get along? And then we put that all on things like ''(wo)men are just more like that'' while in fact there's a huge cultural component and perhaps we should question whether we want this, and want to uphold this standard.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for being polite and respectful! It's just that I dislike the almost 'un-human' appearance of this lady-like thing, and I dislike its cultural, social and historical implications.

But perhaps I misunderstood the article and in that case I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense what I say.

And I don't judge or condemn women who are ''lady-like''. Who am I to do that?

People used to tell me I never talked. Now they complain that I am blunt. If I took the time to filter my thoughts I would be exhausted before I climbed out of bed. Now I live for me.

I'm not a fan of that sort of mindset. I'm a very blunt, honest person. Now, outright insults are definitely unacceptable, considering those are generally baseless.

Some momentary 'hurt feelings' are ten times better than people realizing the alleged faults in themselves later. I know that I personally prefer that people tell me if I'm going a bit too far in an argument or if I'm babbling or not making sense. A world where objections remain completely unspoken is just an ignorant world, and ignorance is not a good thing.

Yes, you should make sure you go a little easy on people if they happen to be emotionally compromised, but never lie to them.

Oh definetly, I have a habit of speaking my mind too much. I dont have much tact although I've tried hard to develop some tact over the past few yrs. If you want to strive to become ladylike then thats fine but if you dont want to then thats fine too. I dont think you should be obligating anyone to strive towards that. For some of us, its entirely so far out of our element. For me, to be ladylike, I'd need to develop some serious acting skills.

I've been through some insecurities about my womanhood but I dont really care anymore. Im not lady so deal with it.

i agree with what several others have said here--how are you helping someone by lying to them? i don't think it's ever appropriate to give a dishonest answer when someone asks for your opinion or judgement on something. that last bit is important--going around sharing unsolicited criticisms is not the same as giving someone honest feedback when they've asked for it. if people don't want to know what you really think, they shouldn't ask--and if they do ask, they should be prepared for the truth. getting angry at someone for being honest with you when you've asked them what they think has never made any sense to me at all, though i've known tonnes of people who do it on a regular basis. this is why i stopped trying to have girlfriends--the companionship is not worth the dishonesty that is apparently required for friendships between women to work.

There is nothing wrong with being ladylike if that is your personality type. I dance the line between being tactless and tactful. That is why females always want me to go shopping with them, because I tell the truth!