Significant Others and "Touching"

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Do you hate being kissed or hugged or even talked to when you're not expecting it? For me, I hate the most when I'm in the middle of doing something. I always feel bad when I tell my SO, "I don't want that right now. Go away!" Then in a lame attempt to make up for it, I say, "Please!" I know it's rude, but I can't help it. It is akin to nails grating on a chalkboard when there is unwanted affection.

Anyone else with the same problem? Any advice?

No advice here because I have an opposite problem. I go around and hug my husband whenever I feel like it. I mean, he likes me to hug him but I don't always choose the right moment (for example, when I follow him to the bathroom and hug him and he wants to pee).

Oh, I'm a total hypocrite when it comes to affection. When I'm in the mood, I'll be hyper and shower him with kisses. I'm just lucky he appreciates it! But I almost always have to initiate. I apologize and say sorry for being mean. And he just says that he knows what I'm like and that maybe I can word my pleas a little better. I'm so lucky...

Yes - kissed, hugged, touched, boyfriend sitting too close to me (I do have issues with light touch), being talked to when I'm not expecting it is a problem for me too; if I'm busy such as being very focused on something I'm doing online I get very snappy, or when the boyfriend comes in from work it seems a little tricky for me at times to adjust to his being there and not have his presence grate on me (sorry BF, it's not personal).

No advice, I think he does understand this and he understands certain days it may be worse - if I've had a bad day (around the time I'm due to sign-on at the job centre this gets especially bad) or at certain points in my menstrual cycle my aspie traits/symptoms get worse - BUT at the same time of course it's not nice for him and he forgets sometimes that AS may be involved.

I have the same problem. My NT husband is very affectionate, & it causes problems when we're trying to sleep. He wants to be all wrapped around me & I want to be left alone (I also get hot flashes easily, & that makes it worse). I usually end up on the very edge of the bed. I have a body pillow that I put between us sometimes & it helps.

I wish I wasn't like this, but my threshold for expressions of affection is low - especially light touching - and it can quickly become cloying. Physical closeness can be good, but when I need physical space, I need it. Now.

Really, I'm such a cat.

I can also tell when affection is given with strings attached. It's not that I won't want to reciprocate (now or later) but when it's given without expectations (and you can tell), I can relax into it. Does that make sense?

Yes. My exes (who aren't particularly NT) never could get the idea quite. I have no one right now and for that reason among others not looking. I think I was happiest with a weekend boyfriend. Loads of fun during the weekend but the rest of the time was my own.

I *love* cuddling my husband. But it has to be on my terms, otherwise there's a definite chance of me being irritated by it.

I also have problems with him sitting too close, if it is not my choice and also sometimes with the sound of his breathing (try telling someone the sound of their breathing is driving you nuts ... there is no polite way!! !)

Definitely! I like touch sparingly and hate being surprised by it in particular. And I don't understand why people like kissing. I thought I would grow into it but I've just never understood its charm.

I definitely have this problem too. Its especially annoying when something has upset me. His instinct is to touch and hug it out - and I just want to shut out the world until I've dealt with whatever it is.

Anyone can touch me if they know how to do it right.

I really hate being touched when I'm in the middle of doing something too. It's so annoying.

There are ways that I like to be touched, and ways I really hate to be touched. I also hate being touched excessively or when the touch/affection is unwanted.

Unfortunately my SO has been really annoying with this for a few months now. He thinks it's funny to touch me in ways and times that he knows annoy me and has started doing it all the time, which drives me nuts. It's not that he's craving affection or not getting it, he just seems to enjoy seeing me get annoyed or mad, and even when I've tried to not give him the reaction he wants he still seems to see something he finds funny about it. I don't know how to get it through his head to stop doing it. He's being so immature. He didn't used to be like this.