Social issues for males vs. females with asperger's

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SanityTheorist
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04 Jul 2012, 6:50 pm

I am curious if there are any main differences, and women tend to be better social observers than men are. SO please share any that you may know.


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League_Girl
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05 Jul 2012, 1:54 am

I have read that aspie women tend to be more sociable and are more likely to get dates and have kids young. Not true for all women aspies of course. Plus I have read that quirks are more accepted in women and them being childlike. ut that doesn't mean all aspie women would have a easier time getting a date and having a boyfriend and I have also read somewhere they are more likely to fall into abusive relationships due to them being naive and not picking up on cues.


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AJCoyne
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06 Jul 2012, 11:35 pm

From experience of being involved with both men and women with Asperger's, I'd definitely agree that the women are more emotionally responsive/motivated. In my experience, male friends have become obsessed with cars, tv shows and mechanics, whereas my female friends have obsessions with actors/actresses, boyfriends, and people in general.



Joe90
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07 Jul 2012, 6:57 am

As a female with mild AS, I can honestly say I have done a pretty good job at hiding my AS and coming across as maybe a shy or nervous NT at the very most. Also I am good at sensing when I have done or said something odd, and also I spend half my time observing NT behaviour. I'm never too much in my own world, in fact I'm too aware of the NT world, so I know a lot about NTs. That's not a good thing because it makes me FEEL more Aspie than I probably appear to other people, which makes me care and worry more over what others think of me. I don't like being different, because I am sensitive to hostility and ridicule.

But I sometimes do wish I was a boy though, because women tend to be so bitchy towards eachother. I don't know what goes on in the man world, but the woman world is a very bitchy place! :) All they think about is fashion, and some expect everybody to be confident and if you don't appear confident then they will do their best to make you feel as uncomfortable as they can, as though you're being punished for being shy (then my counsellor has the cheek to say ''there is nothing wrong with being shy, lot's of people are shy). Yeah, right! I never forget that time when I was innocently sitting on a bench in a town and two women in their 60s (in their 60s!) came upto me and MADE me get up off the bench, and they didn't do it politely, and I never heard of this being an appropriate thing to do before. And as I got up, everybody looked at me and I felt so belittled that I walked away, feeling upset. I bet if I was a lad sitting there they probably wouldn't of made me get up - unless if a couple of older men had come along they might of made me get up if I was a lad, maybe men are nasty to men and women are nasty to women, I don't know.

They always say, ''men are stupid, women are bitchy''. I think I'll rather be around people acting stupid than people acting bitchy. (Not stupid as in low intelligence, just as in social behaviour).


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ButterflyLady
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07 Jul 2012, 7:18 am

SanityTheorist- from what i have read females mimic a who lot better then males who have AS. for me though it was definitely a lot harder for me to hide my social downfalls. i always had a really hard time making friends and having any possibility of having a boyfriend. i supposed it also depends on the person and the situations they are in. everyone is different but i certainly wasn't as good at mimicking as i have read that most females with AS are.

AJCoyne wrote:
From experience of being involved with both men and women with Asperger's, I'd definitely agree that the women are more emotionally responsive/motivated. In my experience, male friends have become obsessed with cars, tv shows and mechanics, whereas my female friends have obsessions with actors/actresses, boyfriends, and people in general.

I must have a more male brain then because i am definitely not obsessed with stars, boyfriends and people in general. i am the one obsessed with cars and mechanics. not tv shows because i can't afford cable. sometimes i could actually care less if i even leave the house while other times i have the need to be around people.


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TalksToCats
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07 Jul 2012, 9:28 am

I am female and can 'perform' in a social way for a limited period, then I get tired.

I have never had any difficulty forming intimate relationships since 17 but I've had very very few so may just have luckily found the right person early...

But then I'm not yet sure if I have AS



SanityTheorist
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07 Jul 2012, 10:19 am

I would agree that women tend to be very hostile towards one another...people in general do. Men it is usually physical agression and women psychological aggression, and I'd rather be beat up than belittled.


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Joe90
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07 Jul 2012, 12:12 pm

I'm not really into girly things, but, then again, I'm not into guy things either. I'm more into things what both can be into, like music, writing, walking, and surfing the web.


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Kaizer
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07 Jul 2012, 12:29 pm

I think its different for each individual, I am a pretty masculine woman and 99% of the time pass as a man.
The only reason my social skills are what they are, is because of constant pressure and bullying to mimic normal people.



SDAsp
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18 Jul 2012, 11:40 am

My social issues....
I tend to go on and on and on and on and on about the same thing if it's exciting or terrible or whatnot
Not good at making eye contact (I can look at a person's eyes but as soon as they look back it almost physically hurts.)
I don't share ANY girl interests (I couldn't care less about clothes, hair, makeup, nails etc.)
I stink at telling when somebody doesn't like something (pretty sure I missed a couple of cues recently that led to the loss of three friends :( )
I can only really sympathize rather than empathize...If I haven't experienced it then I can only mimic being sorry for a person.


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18 Jul 2012, 3:20 pm

I actually find I cannot relate to most of the things that are supposedly more specific to female aspies than male aspies.


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21 Jul 2012, 2:48 pm

Joe90 wrote:
As a female with mild AS, I can honestly say I have done a pretty good job at hiding my AS and coming across as maybe a shy or nervous NT at the very most. Also I am good at sensing when I have done or said something odd, and also I spend half my time observing NT behaviour. I'm never too much in my own world, in fact I'm too aware of the NT world, so I know a lot about NTs. That's not a good thing because it makes me FEEL more Aspie than I probably appear to other people, which makes me care and worry more over what others think of me. I don't like being different, because I am sensitive to hostility and ridicule.

But I sometimes do wish I was a boy though, because women tend to be so bitchy towards eachother. I don't know what goes on in the man world, but the woman world is a very bitchy place! :) All they think about is fashion, and some expect everybody to be confident and if you don't appear confident then they will do their best to make you feel as uncomfortable as they can, as though you're being punished for being shy (then my counsellor has the cheek to say ''there is nothing wrong with being shy, lot's of people are shy). Yeah, right! I never forget that time when I was innocently sitting on a bench in a town and two women in their 60s (in their 60s!) came upto me and MADE me get up off the bench, and they didn't do it politely, and I never heard of this being an appropriate thing to do before. And as I got up, everybody looked at me and I felt so belittled that I walked away, feeling upset. I bet if I was a lad sitting there they probably wouldn't of made me get up - unless if a couple of older men had come along they might of made me get up if I was a lad, maybe men are nasty to men and women are nasty to women, I don't know.

They always say, ''men are stupid, women are bitchy''. I think I'll rather be around people acting stupid than people acting bitchy. (Not stupid as in low intelligence, just as in social behaviour).


I can relate, I do come off as a very shy, nervous NT. But it can be rather annoying the way I come off. People always think Im very shy and distressed half the time. Sometimes thats not always true. And if I do something odd, I will punish myself mentally to the end, thats the reason why I'm on meds because my guilt trips and self-punishment twists my head so much I cant think straight. And I observe the NT world a lot as well, Ive spent the last 6 yrs making extensive observations trying to understand things. The more I understand about peoples behavior, the better things have gotten. When I was younger I was a very black/white and I got irritated at the smallest social things. There seems this extensive women social dynamics. Many women are very friendly towards each other and faking it half the time and extremely judgmental about each others behavior and social morals. So I'm interning at this summer and there was another intern as well. This intern is very friendly and social. Well anyways, I witnessed these women b***h talking her for 45 min behind her back and being overly critical over the smallest things about her. And I was thinking, if they thought she was bad, I didnt know what they thought of me.



KnarlyDUDE09
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21 Jul 2012, 10:02 pm

SDAsp wrote:
My social issues....
I tend to go on and on and on and on and on about the same thing if it's exciting or terrible or whatnot
Not good at making eye contact
I don't share ANY girl interests
I stink at telling when somebody doesn't like something
I can only really sympathize rather than empathize
^^These
...plus:

-I tend to verbalize my thought inappropriate/irrelevant to the situation or not.
-Taking things too literal; deficit in understanding of humor and sarcasm.