Gossiping

Post Reply New Topic

Does gossiping ever make anyone else feel extremely uncomfortable?

It's unfortunately a daily part of life for most of us at work/school etc. but i find just knowing that it happens makes me want to hide!

I often don't actively participate but when in a situation where negative/bitchy gossip is being flung about then i'll find myself listening and then afterwards feel so guilty/awkward around the person who is being discussed that i get tarred as the main suspect!

It happened in my old job a few times, the floor manager would be a topic of discussion. If he suddenly popped up from round the corner then the people who would be saying old sorts about him seconds ago could suddenly switch conversation and act perfectly nicely towards him.. I would be left looking like a rabbit caught in the headlights and so would always end up looking like the guilty party who had been badmouthing him. Pretty sure i had a reputation as two-faced for this reason. I'm not saying i would never gossip, but certainly not to the extent that others would, and would certainly never be the one to start it.

Does anyone have any advice for avoiding gossip/coping with the awkwardness that follows?

Gossiping makes me extremely uncomfortable as well, no good comes of it. The only advice I can give is to avoid it as much as possible (without coming across as rude to the people gossiping, if they're trying to include you), and to not feel guilty when you're not involved in the gossip. Why feel guilty for a crime you didn't commit? Hopefully the people who participate in this gossip frequently will grow up some day.

Lil_Button I think you pegged it right on the head...those of us with Aspergers (well, at least speaking for MYSELF) I can't control my facial expressions enough to tell a passable lie (years of experience speaking here on this!) As for gossiping....that goes into the whole social grames strata that so fully eludes me. To me, if person M has this problem & I have a problem with that problem then I have a problem with person M...and it shows in my "relationship" with M...then others (the others involved in the gossiping) see a fun game (pitting my/my problem with M against person M) then I just get angry and things go down hill from there.

Which is why I don't gossip. Not interested in getting my jollies at anyone elses expense...and I hope that no one gets any from me (but I'm not that stupid to think that no-one's gossiping about me) just try not to be paranoid.

I'm not plugged into any gossip networks. Never have been; never will be. Not because I'm so moral or anything; it's just that others don't seem to include me in their chats.

Gossiping doesn't bother me, it never has. I have always been curious so I guess that is why I'd enjoy overhearing it. I also learned recently that gossip also means just talking, it doesn't have to be about the other people. It just means chatting. I assume this is about talking badly about other people behind their backs just by the content of your OP.


I would just ignore it and not say a word. Do not say anything to them or even ask anything. Do not add anything to the conversation and just keep doing what you are doing.

Yes, gossipping makes me feel uncomfortable as well.

Where I work, the women are very two-faced and gossipy. I avoid the conference room if at all possible, but have to go there to eat. It is difficult to not be drawn into the conversation, especially because I mimic very well (sometimes uncontrollably) and don't want to be outed as the weirdo...Sometimes I find myself doing it and then I stop and tell myself, 'what the heck are you doing?? you need to leave right now.' Now, I don't care about being the weirdo...I stay quiet and will laugh appropriately when the topic has shifted to something more productive

Very sound advice, thank you "Why feel guilty for a crime you didn't commit" sounds like it could be my mantra for life! I feel guilty so easily and for the smallest reasons.. Like the way i acted when i was a small child for example.. and i still carry the guilt around with me! I suppose with the whole gossiping thing it's feeling guilt through association, i'm there to witness it so i feel a part of it.



MsMarginalized.. this made me laugh out loud! Because it's exactly how it seems to me as well! Haaa... gave me a brain spasm just picturing the situation because i've been there soooo many times, although i would prefer to be able to get angry rather than dither awkardly and look for the nearest hole to crawl into and hide



League Girl i found this really interesting as i've always associated the word gossip with badmouthing people.. I never thought about it in any other sense and now i'm going to try and think of it in this way, chatting and being sociable rather than anything else.



I definately relate to this as well thegatekeeper.. especially mimicing, although i have been more aware of it in the past little while so trying to catch myself before it happens. Although this does mean that i fall into an awkward silence halfway through a conversation (or sentence, lol) though!

Thanks to all of you girls for your replies.. am going to work on ignoring the negative gossip some more and feeling proud of myself for not being sucked into it

Just had another thought on this.. do you guys associate any kind of talking about other people (whether good or bad) as gossiping?

A LOT of NT conversations seem to involve other people in one way or another and i always view this as wrong, even if nothing bad is being said about the other person. A part of me feels like if i'm talking about another person then it's going behind their back and then makes me feel just as uncomfortable!

I've had to work very hard to not be paranoid about gossip...I have learned that no matter how quiet/helpful/nice you are- people (i.e. predominantly NT women) will ALWAYS find something about you to complain about to other NT women (whom they don't even like) even if it's undeniably stupid (i.e. "yeah, that's so typical of Betsy short-pants!") "Short pants"? "ret*d"? SERIOUSLY? These are actual terms used by other so-called "professional" health care providers I work with!

Like I've said in other posts, most adults never really got past junior high...they only got more subtle

i think that's the reason why i rarely talk to women in the lavatory or pantry or that i dont have many women friends during high school. I d rather talk to boys about basketball and themselves than hear women talk about other women. They call each other friends but they also stab each other in the back. I can't seem to understand how in heaven's name can you badmouth someone but when you see that person you can actually smile so sweetly, kiss them in the cheek and then call them friend. Its just weird for me but apparently normal for most. I remember a classmate of mine is quite annoyed at a girl and keep calling her not so nice name. I guess i was irritated at her loud voice that i said to her face it takes one to know one. She became quiet and some even began laughing. I didn't think it was weird that time. Whats so wrong in telling her the truth or at least what the majority think about her? And i honestly can say that i don't hate her or i wouldn't even be talking to her at all.

I can see what people object to about gossiping and I'm very protective of my own privacy (though becoming less so now, as I realised I don't have anything much to hide). I just find it hard to know what is and what isn't gossiping.

Like, it's normal to talk about things, life, and the people around, because that is part of necessary information-sharing in a community. Is it gossiping to say someone is, for example, very private so it's best not to go bothering her with X, Y or Z? Is it gossiping to say someone's marriage just broke up so she's very emotionally fragile just now and not go bothering her with extra demands?

Where do you draw the lines between normal conversation, necessary information-sharing, and gossip? Is 'gossip' one of those labels it's easier to put on other people's behaviour than one's own?

I suppose where I draw my lines is I don't mention special knowledge I may have about someone's thoughts, or factual information I know someone would not want generally known, or indeed anything at all about someone who is fierce about privacy unless it's already public knowledge or to correct an inaccuracy that is doing damage (if to do so would not betray a confidence). If people ask me questions I will generally respond if it is something I regard as 'my own story to tell', but advise them to ask the other person if I consider it 'their story to tell'. Sometimes I find myself trying to stop someone telling me something by saying, 'I'm not sure Zed would want me to know about that.' But I don't know if any of that is about gossip or just basic respect.

One honourable exception to all the above is if I know Person A is really in trouble about something, and know Person B who I am talking to is similarly concerned and has similar independent knowledge about that person and/or the situation. The other is for counselling purposes, when I believe I am free to speak of absolutely anything (though I don't think anyone would consider that gossip at all).

i hate gossip.
i dont understand why pepole have to talk about other pepole.
and you know something else?
i really dont care.
i dont care that sara left william for todd or that allisons parents are getting a divorce.
i dont care pepole.

Well, I would be disappointed to discover people are using the word 'gossip' to mean any old conversation or general chitchat. Such interchangeability dilutes the meaning so far as to make the word redundant. We know ASs aren't big on smalltalk, but doesn't 'gossip' go further than mere smalltalk? I am watching this thread because I would be interested in seeing a good debate develop: I really want to know where people think the evil lies, what the difference is between gossip and all other forms of conversation ... if indeed there is one any longer. Perhaps facebook and the Web have killed the distinction? Perhaps something else has?

I perceive gossip to be hurtful, unsubstantiated talk about a person without their knowledge

Am I the only Aspie in the world who enjoys gossip?