Being Compared to Male Aspies

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I was diagnosed with Asperger's by a doctor, and attend a support group for young adults on the spectrum. The director of the group, an older woman who works with people on the spectrum, said she doesn't believe I am on the spectrum. She believes my symptoms are due to a mood disorder, and that the sensory issues, social issues, rocking, and difficulty making eye contact are all psychological, and results from having a rough childhood. She says I converse well with her, "unlike the boys." I've had another person say the same thing to me. I converse well with people who I trust! Anyways, I haven't seen the doctor who diagnosed me in a year, and now I'm paranoid that I have the wrong diagnosis. I personally think I'm on the spectrum, but if others think I'm not what if they're right? I don't want to be a fraud! Has anyone else had this issue? Is it just because female symptoms are so different and less pronounced than males? Or am I really that crazy??

Yes. My cousin has Asperger's too. So the people that know him tell me I probably don't have it just because I'm a little better at faking it.

You're probably right. Don't worry, you're not a fraud. The person that is in charge of your group needs to go do some reading. Females on the spectrum tend to do a better job with conversing because gender roles and biology dictate that girls need to learn how to socialize. I think that's stupid, but it's true. Afterall, we're supposed to be the more empathic of the two sexes, whether or not we actually are empathic as individuals is irrelevant to society as a whole. Our culture puts more pressure on socializing if you're female and females are more conditioned to socializing, aspie or not.

I spent a good part of my life fake-socializing and I was good at mimicking in social situations, but I'd be lying if I said it felt natural. I can also carry on a "small talk" conversation but again, only if I have to. I also can read body language, but only after studying animal behavior and reading about human nonverbal communication. I did all that for the sake of fitting in. I saw how other girls acted, and I felt very defective when I didn't act like them, so I learned artificially. I can't say it totally worked, but I am high functioning enough to have a good job.

I get that sometimes. It doesn't bother me. They don't know you, tell them to f off, because it's what they deserve.

Give that woman a copy of Aspergirls by Rudy Simone, pronto!

Yes! I love that book. When I first read it, I felt as if someone else had written my diary for me.

Actually no, it's not the females are always all that different. It's simply because a male and female can do the same things and act the same way and be perceived as different due to bias in social perceptions on the subject of gender.

For example, female doctors in the medical field were mistaken for nurses even 20 years ago despite being dressed the same as the doctors, whereas male nurses would be mistaken for doctors.

There was a dateline report of a little girl who has AS, as do her brothers, and had the exact same behaviors as her brothers yet the mother had a hard time getting a diagnoses of AS for her and had to explicitly point out how her behaviors were just like those of her brothers.

The perception that people with AS are not good in conversations is incorrect. The children that Hans Asperger observed were noted to be rather articulate actually, and could converse wonderfully with adults on subjects they were interested in, but could not seem to interact with children their own age very well.

I am willing to bet that the males this lady you speak of has encountered were younger than you, and also possibly had difficulty conversing with her because she was female, and many males with AS get very nervous when conversing with females, and probably were reluctant to be in her presence for various reasons.

Is this available online? If so, could you link me?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qs5L2R2l ... dded#at=51

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qs5L2R2l ... dded#at=51

This type of idiocy is common-
the current diagnostic criteria was DEVELOPED using only boys,
and the implication that an anomalous neurological difference wouldn't present differently in males versus females, THEMSELVES neurologically-different from one another as groups, is absurd.

I didn't represent in any way that deviated from the description given by Hans Asperger or the DSM-IV when I was a child, or even into my late teens. I was presumed to be on the spectrum quite early on in life and this was brought up multiple times by multiple professionals even before the English speaking world knew of AS. I've had multiple assessments effectively ruling out anything that could mimic AS and score well within the AS range on modern standard clinical adult assessments, yet into my 3rd decade of life, people have a difficult time believing I have AS.

The reasons...

1. I am an adult. Most people familiar with AS have only dealt with children and teenagers.

2. My parents did not inhibit my development by excessive coddling..an issue I've observed in the younger generations....my mother was also an occupational therapist for some time.
Most people today only have experience with children and teenagers who parents have actually turned AS into a disability beyond the scope of what is actually AS.

3. I'm female. (see previous post).

4. I've mastered or nearly mastered key conversational and communication skills in the context of certain one on one interactions, and I can make eye contact at key moments. Most people familiar with AS seem to be under the impression that those with AS lack all capability to make eye contact or effectively/appropriately communicate.

5. I've made much more of an effort to conform to social norms, not only in terms of my communicative style and mannerisms, but in terms of the way I dress. People see a well dressed woman and assume she is quite average.

Most people who are familiar with AS envision that an adult should look somewhat ret*d and act severely impaired, and the visual concept of a woman with AS just does not exist in their mind.

I think it is more socially acceptable for females to be shy and introverted than males. In fact women are encouraged to be demure.


I was told my my GP that I couldnt have it as I was not like the ones she had met (I am guessing they are male). But the actual autism experts I met all said I had it.

like many people do (including some diagnosticians), this woman by default attributes female behavior to emotional origins rather than neurological ones.

if your emotions do not suffice; some people will blame your mother's. see (long debunked) "refrigerator mother" theory.



not only that, if a woman avoids or minimizes social interaction it will be assumed she is demure rather than being assumed she has social difficulty. especially if she's pretty.

same as what i said above, assuming the root of a behavior is emotional.

Wait, by "emotional" you really mean "environmental" right? Because emotions are a direct product of our neurological makeup. Emotions are caused by our brains, so you can't really compare neurological vs. emotional because one begets the other. I'm assuming you were actually implying more of a nature vs. nurture comparison.

hm. i meant that for example if a girl has a meltdown it will (more likely than if a boy does) be assumed to be an outburst of emotional reactiveness (springing from feelings toward another person) rather than a response to frustration or sensory input. however you would like to understand that. our brains cause everything we do, so i'm not sure how to go about making the distinction you've requested.

i think you've understood my meaning though.