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aspie love... and all its long term issues

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resonate
Butterfly
Butterfly

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Joined: 30 Dec 2011
Age: 41
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31 Dec 2011, 8:26 pm

So I have been dating this aspie guy for 12 years now. We have lived together on and off. He asked me to marry him year 2 and we still haven't done it, always coming up with excuses. We go between bouts of wanting absolute manogomy to thinking maybe polyamory would suit us but neither of us actually ever make the step to find alternate partners. We have some deep connection and understanding. I love him dearly but at the same time I know life would go on without him. It would just be a different life. We were each others firsts for a lot of things and we both wonder periodically if we missed out not dating other people.

Its a wirl wind relationship it feels... I still don't know if I'm making his life better or slowly destroying him. Does anyone else feel this way?



Dunnyveg
Deinonychus
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31 Dec 2011, 8:49 pm

resonate wrote:
So I have been dating this aspie guy for 12 years now. We have lived together on and off. He asked me to marry him year 2 and we still haven't done it, always coming up with excuses. We go between bouts of wanting absolute manogomy to thinking maybe polyamory would suit us but neither of us actually ever make the step to find alternate partners. We have some deep connection and understanding. I love him dearly but at the same time I know life would go on without him. It would just be a different life. We were each others firsts for a lot of things and we both wonder periodically if we missed out not dating other people.

Its a wirl wind relationship it feels... I still don't know if I'm making his life better or slowly destroying him. Does anyone else feel this way?


My normal girlfriend and I have been together for eleven years now. We've always gotten along quite well. I think this is because while we talk everyday, we only see each other for maybe a month out of the year; we live in different states.

For me this has worked out wonderfully. I can only take so much of anybody; I need a lot of time alone. So, I'm always happy to see her go. But I'm also happy to see her come back.

My point is that my arrangements might not work for you, but there are things you can likely do to get along better. You just need to figure out what they are.

As far as dating other people, it's exchanging one set of problems for another, though that is certainly a personal matter between the two of you.



resonate
Butterfly
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31 Dec 2011, 8:54 pm

@Dunnyveg

"As far as dating other people, it's exchanging one set of problems for another."

Very good point.



Dunnyveg
Deinonychus
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Joined: 5 May 2011
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31 Dec 2011, 9:18 pm

resonate wrote:
@Dunnyveg

"As far as dating other people, it's exchanging one set of problems for another."

Very good point.


It sounds as if you have some decisions to make. Good luck in making good ones.



Cha0s123
Emu Egg
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26 Feb 2012, 5:27 pm

resonate wrote:
So I have been dating this aspie guy for 12 years now. We have lived together on and off. He asked me to marry him year 2 and we still haven't done it, always coming up with excuses. We go between bouts of wanting absolute manogomy to thinking maybe polyamory would suit us but neither of us actually ever make the step to find alternate partners. We have some deep connection and understanding. I love him dearly but at the same time I know life would go on without him. It would just be a different life. We were each others firsts for a lot of things and we both wonder periodically if we missed out not dating other people.

Its a wirl wind relationship it feels... I still don't know if I'm making his life better or slowly destroying him. Does anyone else feel this way?


Wow, this is exactly how I feel! I'm NT and my ex-boyfriend has been diagnosed with AS. We've both come to the conclusion that we want to see other people, eventually.... but eventually never comes! This has happened twice. We're still talking and having our normal conversations, like we're still a couple. I love him a lot, so it is slightly confusing. :?