Do women seek AS lovers?

Post Reply New Topic

Ok, I know a lot of males on this site are looking for aspie girls for companionship, but it doesn't seem like many of the girls seek the same. Maybe it's the fear you would be overwhelmed with requests, maybe it's just aspie girls are less reliant on sexual desire, or don't feel as socially isolated as the men on here. I am just curious on how the females feel about aspie companionship.

I don't think anyone should seeked others for what they have. Two people having AS can make the relationship go down hill because of their differences like routines, inflexbility. Imagine if both aspies had to shower at a certain time but only one is inflexible to changes. One time they're out somewhere and it's almost eight and the aspie gets anxious to get home because it was almost shower time while the other aspie is telling him he can take one later when they get back, but because it's eigh o clock and they are still not home, he has anxiety and is showing embarassing behavior and it drives the aspie woman crazy and she can't live with that for the rest of her life with someone who has to always be home by eight for a shower. That's why aspie relationships don't always work but I can understand why lot of aspies would prefer soemone else with it because they think it be easier because then their partner would accept who they are and the way they are and not expect them to change because they have it themselves. But it isn't always true. My ex bf probably had it but I couldn't accept who he was. He had other problems too like maybe having intellectual problems and he was lot of work to deal with it stressed me out and he was way too paranoid about stuff it drove me crazy. Also he was impulsive and when an idea get to his head, he wanna do it now and get real anxious to go so he keep harassing you about "When are we leaving?" "can we go now?" "Can you do it now?" Also when he want things his way, he keep asking you about it over and over until you change your mind and boy did it drive me crazy I had to threaten him to stop or I'd scream and that worked. He also didn't listen and if you didn't agree with him, he'd argue with you about it and not wanna stop talking about it till the problem was solved meaning you agreed with him so to shut him up, I'd pretend I agreed just to stop the conversation. That's an example of a AS relationship not working out so I am not limiting myself to people. I think it be nice if I meet an aspie and it works out great so we stay together for the rest of our lives.


Mozart and the Whale also gives an example of why AS relationships don't always work. There was a lot of fighting between Isabelle and Donald and that was me and Jeff when we were together except he was more lazy and Donald wasn't and I was Isabelle and he was Donald.

I am an aspie girl with an aspie boyfriend. I was not meaning to seek an aspie, it just happened...we were friends first, and that's how any relationship I have been in has started, and is the only way I can see a relationship starting.

I am more comfortable with my current boyfriend than with any guy I've known in the past...I dunno if it's because he's an aspie or because of personal growth-I've spent much of my life literally being afraid (We're talking phobia level) of the opposite sex

You'd think some of the older ladies might consider it (someone who's sensitive and caring) but there you go...

I would.

I think most of the men I've been with or wanted to be with have had AS traits, and the guy who was the first guy I got physical with has been recently diagnosed with AS and ADD (although I wonder if he actually has AS- he doesn't seem to be anything like what the DSM actually describes). I haven't been looking for Aspies on purpose- I only found out about AS relatively recently. I think the reason for this is that the traits I find attractive in men- intelligence, love of knowledge, a strong sense of social justice and a quirky personality to name a few, are more common amongst spectrumites than NTs. I also find the "macho" behaviour of NT males exceptionally offputting. The things they do to attempt to appear attractive to females are about as alluring as a gorillas posturing (look at ME! I've spent lots and lots of money on A CAR! You'll never have an interesting conversation with me and our antics in the bedroom will be the talk of the pub, but LOOK! I'VE GOT A FANCY CAR!), not to mention the tendancy towards chauvanism and their absolute obsession with sex (Nothing wrong with sex per se, its just not what's central to my existance).

Most of the men I've dated in hindsight I can see that they were either also aspies or had many aspie tendencies. Obviously they didn't work out. My dh is super smart and has a few aspie tendencies, but he is definitely NT. I don't see how it would work out long-term for 2 aspies to marry in most cases. We would drive each other crazy and the lack of shown affection is a BIG problem, I would think. My dh is constantly touching and annoying me, but I put up w/ it b/c I know he loves me and this is how he shows his affection. He knows how hard physical touch is for me and he appreciates it all the more when I initiate contact (and no, I'm not talking about just sex here. Sex is easier for me than the little touches during the day, a hug here, pat on the back, shoulder rub, etc, etc) If I were married to a man who, like me, tries to have as little contact as possible, I would probably get depressed and feel unloved. I might not be making sense. lol. Anyway, I think 2 aspies marrying *could* work, but it would be a lot more work than it would be for 2 NT's or an NT and an aspie.

I've dated two aspie guys.
I wouldn't date a third.
While their world views are similar to mine, we understand each others likes and dislikes and can respect that, both guys ended up becoming creepy. Neither had any ambition, took very little notice of what they wore each day and poor care of their bodies, and both made enormous assumptions about my personal preferences that scared the living crap out of me.
They were not protective, they wanted to be protected. They were not breadwinners, they were both on disability allowances so if we went out for dinner I had to pay. Naive, stubborn, unfashionable (unpresentable), needy.
I sincerely hope that those two guys are not typical of AS males.

I can see where cheese cheese is coming from.

I wouldn't completley rule it out, but i've dated and befriended people with intense aspie traits and they annoyed the crap out of me, and were far too clingy. Not to mention they victimised themselves.

Some of that might be to do with them being computer geeks, though.

One was a computer user, the other wasn't.

My husband is the exact opposite of Aspie, at least as far as social stuff is concerned. He's the kind of person who is always the center of a group, charming, genuinely caring about the people he knows to a degree that's really strange for a man. He's the kind of guy that everyone seems to want to know or be friends with. He's got that "charisma" thing.

One of the reasons I was interested in him is that he's socially my opposite. He's the kind of person that I've always wanted to be in that respect. I would watch him with other people at work and wonder how he did it. People just liked to be around him and would go out of their way to be around him. He made people smile and laugh. I thought that if I started hanging around him, maybe I could figure out what the secret was, or maybe some of that magic would rub off on me.

Six and 1/2 years later, I can definitely say that it didn't. He has helped me learn to socialize much better though. I can say that in my years with him, my social skills have definitely grown. And because he seemed to be the "leader of the pack" so to speak, as his girlfriend, I got accepted into the group without question. That meant that out of the blue, I suddenly went from having one friend to having 20. That was a new and kind of fun experience for me.

In retrospect I realize most of the guys I dated had strong aspie traits. One was so depressed and suicidal that it became unbearable even to be near him... I lost count of how many timesI stopped him from killing himself. I also dated a musician who prob. could be diagnosed... he was very weird and difficult to communicate with, though he was loving. Then the third guy I dated was very aspie, he had pi memorized to 2000 places and was so awkward socially that he embarrassed even me, which is saying a lot because I am quite socially awkward myself.

I wouldn't be surprised if that third guy I mentioned is a member here ,I hope he doesn't recognize himself. This was 11 years ago. Not many people have pi memorized that far.