excessive crying or being overemotional?

Post Reply New Topic

hi,
I am curious if any of you aspie girls have a problem with excessive crying & trouble trying to control yourself to not get overly emotional when something bad happens? I have this problem. The fortunate thing is that since i barely ever go out, & most of my family members know Im very sensitive they know how to act around me. but for example, a few months ago I went to a local Aspies group & after one of the guys tried to ask me out on a date- well i have never dated & i wasn't going to start now & anyway i wasn't interested, but I was so anxious that my refusal came out very awkward with me looking really stupid & stuttering a lot & apologizing to the guy. I couldn't even let him talk or look at him in the face. I was so ashamed.

well anyway when I got into the elevator I felt really upset, stupid, like why did I get so nervous & upset just cuz some guy asked me out? I wanted to cry really badly & I got really depressed but I tried to suck it up & forget about it but it was really hard, & when I got home I couldn't hold it & cried & cried, & I was really upset about it for a couple days. Keep in mind I am 32, not a little girl or even a teen...

this happens to me a lot, something will upset me (usually socially related b/c I am socially stupid) & even though i try to tell myself its no big deal i cant control my emotions & my need to cry, & i mean really loud depressing crying as if a loved one has just died or something. This cant be normal so I was wondering what any of you thought about this or if anyone has a similar problem...sorry for the long post, i tend to be longwinded when explaining stuff...

ps-I thought maybe I was having panic attacks but they have told me its not that so... I dont know...

sorry for responding here, I'm male though I have the same problem, I didn't plan to end up in womens discussion just read your post and had to reply. You're welcome to let me know if my presence offends you I'll delete this post.


I'm 22 and male, and I've cried every day for the past say... 3 or 4 months..

Its always been a regular occurance for me, and after social situations, or worst of all arguments I try so hard to avoid. I end up on the floor moaning and screaming, generally desperate to understand why I could feel so much emotion in such a torrent.

I don't think it means theres something wrong with you, I think some of us are just very sensitive, and our emotional side can either be entirely switched on, or entirely switched off, if you get me?

The more alone I am, the less often I cry, but it also happens to leave me with a general feeling of flat emotion, so I think trying to find a balance between the two is the way to go, a way to socialise with a small number (for me I can generally only handle one) of people that understand it can't be too often..

Still I cry almost every day, in fact generally a few times a day, and the weird thing for me is its starting to feel good!

The best thing I find is that the more time goes by, the more I'm able to cry in a positive way, if you get me?

Hard to say...

Used to be a problem especially when I was a kid, and took a long time to learn how to control. Now I'm more the other way around.

I'm 33 and I have intense emotions, I cry several times a month, sometimes a few days in a row. Having this dx doesn't make me an unemotional person, despite all the descriptions I've read that say people w/ASD's seem that way. Weeping is a better way for me to express & alleviate my pain than for me to attempt to hold in until I get an ulcer, heart attack, or other stress-related physical malady. Feel bad that I cry alot/often, but life is full of ouchy stuff. I usually stay home, feel too raw, exposed and vulnerable when out in public. Cried less when younger (teenager), more since becoming an adult because I've learned about & become aware of many things, most of which are upsetting.

I do this a lot, over stupid, emotional stuff. Or when I think about something bad that happened in the past. I don't cry for hours or days but for an hour or so.

I have intense emotions too. Lots of times I don't even know why. I hate it. I have been crying out of frustration at work, at the doctor's, at the psychiatrist, at the school of my daughter's. Terrible. I can't stop myself from crying when I feel I can't express myself well, or I can't tell aal that is on my mind, because I don't know where to start. Or when I feel misunderstood. I hate it.

Dear morningdove,
(Beautiful name-image, by the way.)

The problem you're having is not limited to women. As Scintillate indicates, men experience distressing emotional ups and downs too. Please let me address a few words to both of you and to the others who responded in like manner.

Crying is, for many people, a way of controlling those around them. You say, "most of my family members know Im very sensitive they know how to act around me." We teach others how to treat us. You've taught your family members that where you're concerned, they have to walk on eggs. It may be your way of salvaging some self-respect or self-esteem from an otherwise untenable situation.

Often it has something to do with repressed anger and resentment. It's particularly hard for emotionally sensitive people to face up to difficult people or situations. One common response is to simply stuff it down inside and refuse to acknowledge or deal with the unpleasantness. I'm not saying this is at all deliberate. The person is generally unaware of the denial, and yet there it is.

Understanding the dynamics and working through the anger and the denial is something a trained therapist can help with. Let me recommend a book. It's "Survival Games People Play," by Dr. Eve Delunas. Dr. Delunas is a psychotherapist, educator, and lecturer who lives and works in northern California. You might especially want to read case study #6, beginning on page 231. It begins, "A woman in her early forties came to therapy because she was feeling very depressed and crying all the time."

Let me also recommend another book, "Gifts Differing," by Isabel Briggs Myers and her son Peter Myers. Isabel was a warm, loving woman who knew more about people than many psychologists. If you've ever run into the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, you may recognize Isabel as one of the originators of that powerful psychometric instrument. I mention these two books over others because you give clear indications in your post of one of the Myers-Briggs types. I believe the books will speak to you.

I used to know a woman who said that every time she came upon a really difficult time in her life, she felt like she was standing at the top of a 1000-foot cliff. She didn't dare step off the edge. But when she screwed up her courage and stepped off anyway, she found to her surprise that the formidable cliff was only two or three inches deep. I suspect you'll find that's true, too.

You *can* heal the rift that's causing the crying. You *can* have an emotionally rich and authentic life. But nothing will happen until *you* make the first move.

There! I've used even more words than you did! <smile> Hope they help.

Go to it, and good luck,

geezer

When I was around 5...I use to cry alot.My mother would get very angry and tell me to stop trying to manipulate her.It was very frustrating because I knew that my pain was real and not just a "manipulation".It was often a sensory overload but I didnt have the words to explain it to her and she did not understand how something that did not bother her(usualy clothes or food sensitivities) could be bothering me.I learned to cry without making any noise,just tears running down my face,so I could avoid being punished for crying.I cryed out of sadness,frustration,anger, that I could not communicate.(we were not allowed to "talk back" and anger was unacceptable emotion).

To anyone who believes that tears are "meant" only to manipulate...just because an action is followed by another action...ie tears followed by parents "guilt" does NOT mean that is the only reason the first action is happening.I hate this poor example of "logic"....I hate Skinner and all his "followers".I cried many times when no one could hear me....so,it was not from manipulation but grief and stress that needed the release and chemical reaction of crying.Dont make your children and loved ones feel "guilty" at expressing this just because it makes you uncomfortable that you cant fix their grief.

I had many years of crying myself to sleep.After years of therepy and I believe resolving many of the issues that were causing my grief....I would still spontanously cry for no "known" reason.I eventually decided to go on Effexor because crying when stressed was causing problems in my life.I decided chemically masking my grief was the best remedy for a society that is so uncomfortable with this deplay of emotion.I resent feeling like I have to do this but it seemed like the best remedy.It has been effective....now I dont cry at all.Welcome to a Brave New World...the SOMA is working great.

I have been crying myself to sleep. And all I want to do when I feel I am going to cry and I can't stop it by breathing or reading words is to get away without others noticing I'm going to cry. I feel terribly ashamed when I cry in front of someone. I certainly don't cry for attention. I don't want anyone's attention when I cry. I want to be left alone.

yeah, there are some things that happen that dont make me cry for some reason, & some that do that wouldnt make another person cry. Its weird sometimes...


that's interesting you mention that b/c when i was teen I remember that I always worried someone would see me cry, so i was very good at that time at not crying when most others around me where. like I went to a catholic school & during our religion classes there would be these certain days where instead of a lesson we would take turns doing all this touchy feely bonding stuff that, well its hard to explain but basically it always ended up with some girl saying her life was miserable & the whole class crying. well I remember always trying not to cry & i usually did a good job at not crying... for some reason I thought it was embarrassing for someone to see me cry even if everyone else was doing it...



Yeah I will also cry if I start thinking of bad times in my past (usually something embarrassing or humiliating that happened to me at school). I also cry if someone says something negative or mean to me, even if the person saying it is some jerk I couldn't care less about. its like, why should I care? But I cant help it, I just get over emotional & cry.


geezer, thanks, & yes I think much of my crying is from repressed anger and resentment, I blame a large percent of my current problems to how badly I was treated at school by my peers, but I wouldn't tell my sister or my parents b/c I didn't think they could really do anything to help. I just put up with it & what's worse is that i was such a naive gullible person, I didn't know how to stand up for myself or defend myself & I just let people treat me that way. and till this day I still cant forget about how miserable i was at school & can not stop replaying the most humiliating moments from that time over & over again in my mind.. i just cant let it go or put it behind me. Its so bad that when i dream, Id say 90 percent of all my dreams are related to past negative incidents I had in school. I wish i could erase a good chunk of all that baggage from my mind.



neither do I. My crying is not any attempt at manipulating, I just cant control when it happens, what triggers it & how to stop it. And the last thing i want is to bring attention to myself!

thank you all for replying!

Last edited by morningdove on 29 Oct 2006, 6:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

The intensity of my emotions scares me; I don't think I've ever felt an emotion halfway . I don't have a problem with crying as I don't cry easily, but I definitely feel like I am being pulled under by a tidal wave of emotion a lot. Also when put on the spot IRL for some kind of social exchange I will act as you did with that guy, just stammering out some weird remark, if I can even bring myself to speak, and then obsessing over what I said or didn't say after the fact.

I have that problem, i get emotional over silly things, like stuff i see on tv. I avoid the news as i get very worked up.

Crying is a major problem for me, i did it A LOT. In class if the teachers was yelling, even if it wasn't at me, but the whole class or someone specific, i'd burst into tears. I got teased a lot and now, thanks a bunch, Whenever i feel like i'm going to cry, in a social or public setting, i get a panic attack as well.

Anyone who thinks this is a silly thing should be shot and i suggest, if anyone tells you to grow up and stop being a baby, that you punch them, hard.

This is basically how I roll...

Anger is acceptable. So is enthusiasm, the desire to protect those smaller than yourself, the desire for revenge, and contempt. Crying is weakness, and the second you show weakness you can expect those around you to immediately go for the jugular.

The vast majority of the time, when people cry it's basically a nonverbal way of saying, "I'm overwhelmed, please be nice to me." Humans being what they are, don't expect compassion. You're not going to get any. Don't expect mercy. You're not going to get that, either. At absolute best they'll comfort you as to look like a "good person" in the eyes of observers, and then proceed to badmouth you behind your back.

Make the best suit of psychological armor you possibly can. Hone your sarcasm and wit to a fine edge. Each and every person has at least one terrible and beyond contemptible character flaw... learn to spot these in people you meet. If (when) they turn on you later, you'll know precisely where their weak point is (and hence, where to strike). You'll also have a razor sharp blade to deliver that killing blow. Expect ruthlessness and respond in kind, and people will swiftly learn to pick another target if they want their egos to remain even vaguely intact.

Don't get sad. Get mad, and get even.

I can get very upset, two years ago I was very low and seemed to be crying all the time at everything. I sometimes I cry in public its nerves I think I just can't control myself sometimes.

I tend to be the opposite way as you're describing. I rarely cry and it takes quite a bit to get me more than annoyed. When I'm at family gatherings and expected to be emotional for some reason or another, I find myself either acting over it or not being able to do anything.

And if I do cry (though I haven't cried in a long time), it is over things that most people wouldn't cry over and not over things that most people would cry about. When my grandmother died, I don't remember ever crying (and we were close). Come to think of it, everyone else was sobbing over the LotR movies, but I only cried twice through all three movies, and it wasn't even really crying. It was more the realization of the books coming to life.

I'll be 33 in 4 days and I often get described as having issues with emotional regulation in that I tend to be oversensitive and cry easily or I get angry and have an extremely hard time calming down.