Girls, how do u handle a "creep"?

Post Reply New Topic

(I wasn't sure under what subject to post this topic. Since I'm seeking advice from females, I decided to post in Women's Discussion. Moderator: Feel free to move topic, if you think it's appropriate.)

I've recently become the target of unwanted attention by an aggressive lovelorn NT woman. She's blown my cell (mobile) phone with 20+ text messages today. Think of an extremely sensitive and fragile, female human version of Pepe LePew, or of the American Dad episode where Meg falls in love with the martini drinking dog. She totally creeps me out! Damn! She makes me feel as if I was Brad Pitt, or some Adonis; nonetheless, I'm creeped out.

I've seen this topic being discussed before, a long time ago though. Since, I am a male, I'd like a female perspective.

I am sure the attractive female aspies here have had to deal with unwanted attention by lonely male aspies. For those who have experienced this, what is the best way to handle unwanted attention of another? Do I ignore her, or do I kindly tell her to leave me alone? Should I resort to my bag of 'what not to say to a woman" to creep her out, so she'll leave me alone?

My sis advises me to simply ignore her. As a male aspie, naturally, I inadvertently creep out women sometimes; it's just part of being an aspie, I guess. However, I feel hurt and sad when I am ignored without an explanation, when I mean no harm. Personally, I'd prefer to be nice and tactful in telling her to leave me alone. Can this approach work? Has it worked against males? Will it work against a female?

I'd hate to trigger her into psycho mode. So, what is the best thing to do in this situation?

(--Wow! Finally, the table has turned, I'm the one getting creeped out by someone, rather than me being "the creep"... LOL! ...but truthfully, I've never been as aggressive with anyone, as she is with me)

Here's the main conundrum: many times the creeper just wants to get a response from you. It doesn't matter if you're response is positive or negative; she simply wants you to acknowledge her existence. Even if you tell her that she's not welcome to text anymore, she may get defensive and angry and just bother you even more. Explain to her that you are not interested and the deluge of messages is extremely rude and disrespectful. Only say it once, and if she throws a tantrum just ignore her. Whatever you do, don't respond. If the messages keep continuing, then you can possibly seek legal action depending on where you live. Remember to save the messages as evidence.

I actually had a guy message me that he was getting "suicidal thoughts" because of me. He was obviously trying to play the pathetic card to get me to respond. The messaging got so bad that I eventually had to get him in trouble with the dean of our university. I still feel guilty about it, but at least now he knows that's not socially appropriate behavior.

NO! It's not effective to be tactful. I'm an aspie female and I've had this problem since high school. Every time I want to socialize with the aspie males, something like this happens. The best approach is to be very direct. She is going to have to learn to cope with rejection because life is tough. She probably will have her feelings hurt, but you're only becoming an enabler if you allow her behavior to continue. It's sort of like a drug/alcohol addiction. Even the tiniest bit of contact could reinforce the obsession.

Just tell her "I'm not interested.".

Thanks, rabidmonkey for your insightful input. The nice and chivalrous part of me wants to be nice and tactful in telling her to leave me alone, but your response makes sense. She has taken my words out of context, after all.

I will ignore her for another day or two, then if she continues I'll probably say something. However, since she knows where I live and I park my motorcycle out on the open, I'm fearful that I might trigger her into doing something stupid. Just a few days ago, when I implied I wasn't going to invite her into my house, she wanted to camp out in her car outside my house. Ugh!! !

This totally sucks! She belongs to a volunteer group I attend, so I will need to find something new to do during my weekday evenings. I never imagined I would be the target of an unstable woman.

Again, thanks for the feedback rabidmonkey4262 and Who_Am_I

I agree, be firm and direct...once. I had something similar happen to me, and it took involving the police and a disorderly conduct charge (for him) to get him to back off.

Ignore. Don't reply.

Don't ever sacrifice your own routine because of a stalker. If you are being harassed, it's the stalker who will need to make changes. If you have to, you can take legal action.

Q: How do I handle a creep?

A: I usually ignore/don't respond or if I have to respond I generally tell them firmly and clearly but in a polite and respectful manner that I'm not interested, if they keep going I threaten to get an authority figure involved and if that doesn't work I'll proceed to knee them in the nuts break their nose...as a last resort of course

In my experience I don't have too many hassles with creeps and ignoring them usually works, another thing people should never is tell someone to F**k off or speak disrespectfully to someone, this is the best way to get a creep off side, invite more trouble to your life and in the worst case scenario you could end being physically or sexually assaulted...The general idea is to get them to f**k off without incident so it pays to be polite and respectful while being firm and making yourself clear at the same time..

S

1)Be direct and honest that you are not interested. Do not try to spare her feelings, but you don't have to insult her.
2)Make sure that your family and friends know what is going on.
3)If she's still pursuing you, treat her as a stalker. Female stalkers aren't as common as male ones, but they can still drive you crazy or even be dangerous.

I agree with this.


There's having a crush and there's stalking. Either one, in my opinion, requires directness more than tactfulness. But one can be direct without being hurtful.

I used to get crushes when I was young. There were no 20 phone calls mind you! In fact I was pretty quiet about it. But even then it helped a lot if the person let me know in no uncertain terms that they weren't interested. It might hurt, but at least I could get over them and move on. If they tried to be too polite, too nice, it was easy to interpret that as them returning my attention.

So if she just has a crush (this sounds like more than that), be direct and that's a kindness so she can move on.

If she is stalking, or obsessed in some way, being direct lets her know you're definitely not interested, so she has no more excuse to pursue you. And yes, let others know you aren't interested in this person.

If she persists after you are direct with her, arrange for a witness to your being direct with her again. If she still persists, call the police. There's no excuse for that behavior. Once you've said no, any further pursuit on the other's part, male or female, is harassment. But first you have to be direct and say no.

"I'm flattered, but you're wasting your time because I'm not attracted to you."

"Please stop leaving me messages."

That's how I would handle it.

This is how NT girls handle a creep: one-word answers. Then, engage in "girl coding" if he doesn't take a hint. Then, one girl comes by with a fake emergency or needing to "go to the bathroom." The creep-victim NT girl then smiles and says "I'll be right back," but she never comes back.

If they have your number, it's better to respond with one or two word answers in text than it is not to respond. Psychologically, this is more likely to cause them to give up voluntarily since you are not as overtly rejecting/ignoring them, so in their mind, they almost think they have chosen themselves not to talk with you because you're "boring."

Source: handling the fallout from several one-night stands / being a good "gay friend" prior to that

Just be aware not all NT's do this, some are a bit more honest and reject people out right especially if the guy in question is being particularly annoying or won't get the hint however you are right in saying that some NT's also use these tactics especially at first before they resort to straight out rejections or legal action.

S

If I have problems with creepers or annoying people, I just ignore them. They usually get the hint and go away.

I think the best thing to do is be direct as the time for letting her down gently has definitely passed. As an aspie its easy to miss any hints people throw at you, so say something direct which cannot be taken any other way. Tell her that her behaviour scares you and you don't want to talk to her anymore, there's no way that line can be confused as meaning something else. If she still continues to stalk you then tell her you will go to the police if she doesn't back down. If this still doesn't work then I think you should really go to the police. Even if they don't do anything about it at least they'll still have it on file so that if anything did happen in the future, you'd have a stronger case.

Also, if she has any friends it might be worth having a chat with them to let them know how she's making you feel. A friend she trusts may have more success getting through to her.

I would try ignoring her first. If she doesn't settle down (and if she was willing to camp outside in her car...well, she probably won't), then you need to be very direct: I'm not interested, please don't text me. If she starts to escalate, try again. If she still persists, be clear that you feel threatened by her behavior and will report her for stalking. then you take your texts to the police and file a report. She sounds...possibly dangerous and I think you have a right to be concerned.

If you were a woman and she were a creepy dude, I would advise the same thing. She knows where you live. If you tell her you aren't interested and she keeps pursuing you, she's actually stalking. If she persists in following, texting and pursuing you after you have told her that you are frightened by her behavior, she is actually breaking the stalking laws.