do you have a patient and understanding NT mother?

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I was wondering how many of you women have mothers that are patient and understanding of your Aspie ways. It seems that my mom is loosing her patience with my aspie ways then she used to be when i was younger. I am still undiagnosed and didn't even think that maybe i am the way i am because i am an Aspie until a few years ago.

If there is anyone else that doesn't have a patient mom, how did you deal with it? what did you do to try to "adjust" and make the situation easier on you both?

I am asking this question because it's increasingly pushing me toward meltdown. i am not sure how much more i can take before i feel i need to commit myself somewhere to get away from my mom and the stress. i really don't want it to get to that point and really don't know what to say to her to help her understand my Aspie ways better. I will be turning 30 this year but have no where else to go. i haven't had a job in 3 years due to my mom's and my circumstances recently. thank you all in advance for any advice you can give me.

My mom is patient and understanding of my Aspie-ness. Most of this came from education. When it was first brought up that I might want to consider that I have Aperger's and when I first came out of denial and brought it up to my mom, she was open to the idea. When I mostly forced my mom to read Attwood's book that opened many conversations about how I am and why I do things the way I do. She even apologized for how she treated me as a kid, as the more she found out the more she agreed with the diagnosis. This is all before I was officially diagnosed.

If it is possible can you be blunt and say that "x,y,z" happens or is done in that way because of how you are, this is because you are an aspie?

Does your mom know that you are probibly an Aspie, and has she read anything about the condition?

Can you ask her not to do the things that she does that are so stressful to you? How does she respond when you do ask? What ways is she stressful to you?

I am sorry that the relationship between you and your mother is not as you would wish it to be.

My mother never dealt with it - I'm undiagnosed and I don't plan on telling her about AS, but obviously the symptoms have always been there and considerably worse as a child - my mother was abusive, which may have come as a result of resentment over having a daughter who wasn't normal, and we never had any sort of relationship so she paid very little attention to me or anything in my life. *shrugs*

for the most part we have a great relationship but there are times that we butt heads so to speak. an example: my mom and me share a vehicle. both our names are on the tag, title, and insurance but it's technically my car (was a gift from a friend from church) she drives it more then i do right now. she was on her way to a shift an hour away when someone hit her. she had the green left turn arrow, the lady across the way turning right didn't yield to her and hit the front passenger side fender. she exchanged insurance information with the lady and went on to work while i was still on the phone with her. i asked her (after she got her stuff taken up to the door, and after i knew she was ok) if she could send me a picture from her phone of the damage. she hung up on me and when i texted her later saying something about my request stating that i guess it was a mistake to ask in the first place, she takes it as a smart @$$ remark and goes off on me. she then called me after texting me and i assured her that i was not at all trying to be a smart @$$. it caused a meltdown.



yes she knows and was in fact the one that brought up the idea that i might be one in the first place. my aunt and my mom were discussing my little cousin, who is diagnosed, and compared his childhood with mine and both came to an agreement that i am probably also an Aspie. she didn't start learning about Asperger's until i wanted answers and started giving her stuff to read or just telling her about something that i read. i think i will have to get my hands on that book you mentioned so she can read it. perhaps that will help.


i have not tried that yet. next time i will give it a try and see what happens

My mom is pretty patient with me. She has gone through periods after my diagnoses that she didn't have patience anymore so she be mad at me and saying I don't care about people and I only think of myself and get mad at me for my anxiety and tell me to stop it. I think stress made her do it and I did stress her out so she would take it out on me. Then it would make me depressed and more stressed out and she get stressed out even more she even had to quit her job for a while because of me because it was effecting her at work too.

Now that we both don't live together anymore, things are good between us.

My mother is/was an abusive narcissist. I spent most of my adolescence trying to stay out of her sight.

I have not yet told her about my diagnosis, and am not sure that I will, at least not for quite some time. She would automatically dismiss the idea that I have AS, as having a 'dysfunctioning' child would be horrible for her self-image.

My mum is probably trying her best, but she's not very understanding. Sometimes when I explain aspie things to her, she's ok and sometimes she yells at me for my behavior. I was diagnosed 10 years ago and my mum is aware of my diagosis, but hasn't really searched for information about as

My Mum is more Aspieish than me, in many ways. She gets all the little quirks and has never seen me as anything less than perfect (honest). I think she's oblivious to anything negative about me and hasn't even noticed my social anxiety. It would have been helpful if she had, because then I might have felt able to speak about it, but she would not have been able to help anyway. Now, that my daughter's behaviour has improved dramatically, she thinks the same about her too. I'm lucky to have had such positivity in my life.

i haven't been diagnosed but sometimes she's like your mom and starts yelling at me. she hasn't tried looking anything up either. everything she knows about AS has come from me. either me printing something out for her to read, or just telling her about it. wonder if i got her a book about it, if she would read it.

I am pretty sure that my mom's an aspie. Her symptoms are more obvious than me; but in some other ways, she seems to be better. It is probably because she's a mother; and she agrees that after having me, she has matured a lot.

She doesn't know English, and there's no translation, so I could not give her any books on asperger's (I so wanted to, because I think it'll help her feel better about everything). But when I found out this thing and told her about it a few years ago, she agreed immediately that it sounded like me, and said she probably has this thing too.

She is quite patient with me. Sometimes she appears to be abusive (in a cold way) but I think she mostly does not know the impact of her action on others so the abusiveness is actually an aspie thing. I think she's the only person that truly understand what I am sad about every day. But after entering college, we are both better off if we see each other once in a while instead of all the time.

I guess my mom was pretty patient with me, but I know I exasperated her to no end. I always felt like she was always irritated/ just tolerating me sometimes. I wasn't diagnosed until my teens, and back then there wasn't the information and guidance that there is now. There was always a lot of expectation on me being the oldest kid, and being the "smart" kid in the family (scholastically anyway). There was a lot of dysfunction in the family as well, but I know I wasn't an easy kid either. We have a cordial, but distant relationship now.

i actually feel like i am doing that to my mom as well. guess it's just something me and her are going to have to work extra hard at while i still live with her. Thank you all for posting. I am sad to hear about those that don't have patient and understanding mothers. especially those, like Bloodheart and fragileclover, that have abusive mothers.

HELL NO. She has the copeing mechanism of either lying to me or just not telling me things that SHE thinks will upset me. She refuses to have any kind of a conversation of substance with me & I'm fed up about the whole thing.

She is a self-absorbed, favorite picking, nagging old hag. (& that's the NICE things I can say about her!)

I call at least once a month. So what does SHE say to me last month "you really SHOULD call more often" (wtf, WHY? I have such uplifting conversations with her....NOT she lies about what's happening in her life & doesn't share what's happening in anyone elses. That's actually ok by me, I've cut out the rest of the family from my life anyway.) I pointed out (even though we're BOTH on cell ph's) that the telephone line runs BOTH ways. She had the nerve to LAUGH like I was making a joke...she knew I was upset & just laughed louder.

I'm really thinking about mailing the object of our conversation this month. Then again, I doubt that will change a thing.


edited to add: when my Dad was alive "tolerate" was the word of the day. My diagnosis came a few months after he died & ALL TOLERANCE DIED on that same day he did.

Yup. She was hell when I was younger, but it's been much better - for me - ever since she started blaming herself instead of me.

It's one of the reasons I need to get assessed. I lived with her blame for years, it's hell (not to mention thoroughly unproductive) and she just needs to stop.

My mom is incredibly patient, kind and understanding towards me. She does a better job helping me to understand myself and feel better than either of my previous therapists had. In my world of black & white thinking, she is one of the very few people (if not the only one) who is always firmly planted on the "good" side. She can do no wrong in my eyes.

But there was a period of time in my life when mom and I argued with each other a bit. However, I absolutely do not hold it against her, because 1) it was prior to my AS diagnosis so she didn't understand what was "wrong" with me, and 2) it was during a time when she was under a lot of stress due to other family issues that were going on at the same time. She stills feels bad about it sometimes and I have to reassure her that I completely forgive her for it.

No, mine has issues and health problems, maybe including some autism spectrum disorder (ADD or even Asperger's).