confused

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So this is my first real post in this forum...and i don't know where to start from...ok so i as such haven't been to a doctor to get myself diagnosed (it's pretty difficult in the condition i am)..but then i scored 38 in an AS test..so ok maybe i am an aspie....the main problem though is that this guy says that he likes me and i really can't seem to understand i mean i do but then it's just really difficult to explain..and it's always been the same with me..i just can't seem to get on with any relationship..i'm basically just ranting cause i don't know what to start with but then i'm really confused about if being aspie does explain it all and if i am an aspie then how should i carry on?

Greetings.

I don't believe that a diagnosis, 'official' or otherwise, necessarily means that things will be THAT much clearer, easier, etc. It's just a beginning upon which progress can be made, bit by bit. Progress which will take time and--most likely--involve a fair amount of back-sliding, if your experience is anything like mine.

I've only recently confirmed my life-long suspicions that I'm atypical, neurologically (but, importantly, that its not MY fault, NOT the result of some moral failure, which is nice... though I still have to re-convince myself of this often).

You can't 'fix' the problem if you don't know what it is. Even then, there are some things that cannot be 'fixed.' I can try to understand my condition, to live with it and deal with it, but I'll never move beyond it... How can one move beyond one's self?

At least, that's what I think.

To more specifically address your concern, I would suggest lurking on this forum some and reading the thoughts and experiences of others. For me, the thoughts expressed in this forum, along with my online test results, was sufficient evidence for me. I do not doubt my condition. If you do, then either a) more 'individual study' is required, or b) a more formal/medical evaluation will be needed.

If, ultimately, you conclude that you are an 'Aspie', I would recommend researching the various things that we typically have issues with and find out practical, positive steps towards dealing with them. As far as who to tell what (family, friends, etc.), I haven't any real advice. My situation is a little unusual, in that most of my nuclear family are Aspies (Dad and older, half-brother for sure; Mom, probably, though apparently ASD manifests itself a little differently in women, apparently, so I'm not as sure).

As far as relationships go, I'm not sure I (or anyone else, for that matter) am qualified to give advice. I'm married, fairly happily (I think). But we're both "damaged goods" and met in a 12-step group. I'd chalk it up to dumb luck, more than anything else. Dumb luck and patience (for myself, for one another, etc.).

I guess I can safely say this...
- Breathe deeply. It WILL be okay.
- Make lists. I find that they help. Keeping a journal helps, too (though I don't follow this advice very well AT ALL).
- I've yet to get back into this myself, but I do believe that talk therapy, of some sort, is highly beneficial. (I do credit my years-long experience in a 12-step program with helping me learn to socialize better; I also saw a therapist for a year or so many years back).
- Again, this is something I'm not actively doing myself, but regular, forced social interaction is helpful. It's scary sh_t, but I can tell you that it helped me immensely.
- Take care of yourself, physically, as best as you can. I do this better some days than others, but eating right, drinking enough water, engaging in some outdoor activity (to help burn anxious energy, etc.), getting enough sleep. By taking care of my body, I'm helping to take care of my mind.

Don't try to get it all figured out and fixed in one day (he says knowingly). Find a couple positive, constructive things you can hold on to, and hold on for dear life.

How should you carry on?:
As best you can. I'm rooting for you.

Sincere regards.

hey..thanks..i know what you mean
actually what's been going on is that i was kind of relieved when i first read about aspergers it explained why i work in different ways but then since i took the tests which kind of confirmed my suspicions i've been more on the negative side like maybe i rigged the results because i wanted it to be like that, you know?

it's really stupid but now i tend to find a reason in the way i act and then blame it on aspergers..i just feel like maybe i'm not working hard enough to correct the situation?! !

yeah maybe i'm just too nervous about the way things are developing...but thanks!

I'm self-diagnosed at the moment and I don't know if I'll ever want a proper, official diagnosis. I doubt that someone else with their own biases and beliefs with only minimal information about me could know me better than I know myself. After all, I have lived with me for the last nineteen years.

I have seen more than ten psychologists in my life and only one of them has been remotely helpful. I would still be seeing her, if that were possible.

When I first started reading about autism, I felt rather apprehensive. The more I read, the more it seemed that I was reading about me. When I finally realised that AS describes me really well, I felt angry and gypped that nobody else had picked up on it (or told me about it) and I also felt rather confused, as I had to re-evalue my personal identity to include the Asperger parts of me.

As to what you should do now, that is up to you. If you feel like you should seek an official diagnosis, then I'm sure a lot of members here could advise you on that. If not, that's alright as well. However, I would reccomend spending some time before seeking a diagnosis, feeling out this forum and yourself to get to grips with your Aspieness. You can't expect someone else to take you seriously, if you haven't done your homework.

I hope I've been able to help.

exactly i know what you mean..i feel like if people did tell me i acted differently if my parents felt that i was shy and wasn't like my peers then why iddn't they question it..i feel like all those years are lost maybe i could have been different had there been a professional diagnosis before like in my early years