"You'd be so pretty if you tried."

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I get variations of this quite frequently, and I'm never sure how to respond. Is it supposed to be a compliment or an insult? It might be something specific like suggesting I get contact lenses or groom my eyebrows, but often it's just something general. They usually comment on my "good features", though. It's usually other girls who say things like this, by the way. I don't put much effort into my appearance past cleanliness, but that has more to do with not wanting to feel sticky than a desire to look nice. I don't usually wear makeup, most of my clothes are at least several years old, and I practically live in over-sized sweaters. I like the way I am, and I'm fine with the way I look and dress. If I say this, however, it's almost always met with confusion, like I'm wasting my attractiveness because I'm not trying to make myself as beautiful as possible. I don't know. People are weird. Anyone else experience something similar?

Story of my life. Seriously, this is me, this is what happens to me all the time, and this is what's been happening to me ever since I was a teen. (I also wear glasses, btw).

So yes, I can relate.

To be honest, I have NO idea what girls (and it's always girls and women, rarely men) mean by this. I guess it's not as much of a compliment as it is an insult. They do think you have a "potential", but they also think you're wasting it by not making it shine and by refusing to be "pretty". Because, remember, woman's only worth is her physical appearance, right? (Wrong).

Personally, I've learned to ignore it. If a woman is persistent, I can't even get hostile. Why does she care how I look?

But if you do want to change your appearance, then you might listen their advice and get contacts, pluck your eyebrows, change your fashion style, etc. Just remember, most of the girls who say these things don't really want to see you change (because then you'd become their competition). They just don't get why someone doesn't want to dress up and stuff, and some of them have a need to "beautify" the girls around them so they could say they've helped someone.

I've heard this too, or a variation thereof, like "It's like you go out of your way to make yourself not attractive." (Ask yourself what THAT's supposed to mean. )

Sometimes (if I feel like it) I make more of an effort, but most of the time I just do what's necessary (for work, etc.). I'd rather be comfy than..whatever it is they're talking about.

I always just shave my eyebrows off. I hate the way the look and feel. Whoopi Goldburg dosen't have eyebrows. My mom argues that it is because she is black and aparently black people can get away with certian fashion statements that white people can't. I don't care. I don't like my eyebrows and I'm shaving them off.

I get that too....but sometimes my hair down and makeup make me feel gross...i dunno

I get this a lot! I hate it because most of it comes from my family, and everyone in my family knows I have AS and can't stand the sensory-based mind f*** that comes from me wearing makeup, leaving my hair down, etc. Plus, all the clothes that are "in style" are, in my opinion, either really freaking uncomfortable or butt ugly; just gimmie my comfy, worn-in jeans, a t-shirt and a nice cozy -- majorly oversized -- hoodie. My younger (NT) sister always wants to take me shopping for new stuff, seeing as I've been wearing most of the same t-shirts since my freshman year of high school (now in my 3rd year of college), but I can never find anything stylish that feels right.

Honestly, I would rather be the way I am than look "pretty." Too much now is based on looks, and not what is on the inside. I'm very grateful that my boyfriend can see past what I wear and what I look like to who I am.

Looking good, according to current fashion, is at odds with the sensory issues of folks on the spectrum. If you are of thin to average weight, chances are you look much better with close (not tight) fitting clothes that lack in comfort.

But, our shallow society treats those who dress well much better than those who don't. Better jobs, better service at stores, and so on--just because you dress well.

In the house I mostly wear comfy pyjamas with my hair tied back and no make-up. People assume it is because I must be depressed. NO. If they bothered to check I would explain that:

1 I hate wearing make-up as it is uncomfortable on my face

2 I hate most day wear unless I have to wear it as it irritates my skin (my pyjamas are very comfortable and I have even been known to throw my coat over them if I am just nipping up the local shop seeing as they are not very revealing lol).

3 I wear my hair back to stop it flapping around in my face and distracting me whilst I am doing art or studying.

When going out I put on the most comfy day clothes I can find and still avoid wearing make-up etc if I can help it. The world is obsessed with appearance and I have better things to do with my time than spend 3 hours messing around in the mirror faffing about with my hair and putting on make-up. Sometimes a girl just wants to be comfortable!

My mom says this a lot. (In almost the exact same words.)
She doesn't understand why I don't want to wear make-up.

My eyes are too sensitive to wear mascara and all that, I keep rubbing my eyes and smudging the make-up.
I don't understand blush and all that.
Lipstick smears.
The only make-up item I wear are Baby Lips lip-gloss/chapstick.

I don't wear earrings.
I wear necklaces, but they make my neck hurt a little, depending on the type of chain.
I don't like tight clothes.

it is true, and it is so irritating. i read a study once that highlighted the fact that even DOCTORS treat a person better if they are dressed up and made up... i never understood this because people who are *really* sick aren't fussing with curlers and glossing up their lips.

makeup doesn't usually bother me too much, but i just don't see the point a lot of the time. sometimes i like to apply it for fun just to see the difference in how people treat me. it's so silly.

i wear comfortable shirts, and there is a canadian store that makes some clothing that doubles as both comfy and fashionable (and in some cases sexy). i do notice an effect when i wear a nice top from that store as opposed to a regular t-shirt. i have one sweetheart-neck jersey top that i call the "shirt-that-makes-my-male-coworkers-stop-by-my-desk-to-talk". they aren't flirting with me - just finding reasons to discusss work-related matters or doing small talk, but nonetheless the contrast from when i wear something else is shocking.

i do put some attention into what i am wearing, but i don't match things the way i should, i don't iron, and i have a weird sense of style. i was regularly mocked and bullied at school for how i dressed, and i never learned...

Eh. I got one (female) gynecologist who criticized me for NOT removing pubic hair. Well, not criticized, but she was surprised to, um, see it in a woman in her 20s and she even seemed confused when i told her I was married. (I might be paranoid but she seemed to be confused about the whole thing or a guy who wouldn't mind something like that).

how utterly strange! what the heck is wrong with hair? it exists for a reason.

Depend on what you are trying to accomplish with you appearance. Whether you want to be comfortable, attract someone or make a good impression.

Last edited by Vomelche on 22 Nov 2011, 11:41 am, edited 1 time in total.

I have quite unusually crazy curly hair and people often compliment me on it but then say straight after "do you ever straighten it, it would look nice straight" And I think to myself "so i look like you... no thanks!
I believe sometimes people genuinely think they are being helpful with suggestions like that but I have a sneaking suspicion they want to turn you in to a clone of themselves

I think as long as you are relatively hygienic and you wear clothing that dosn't cause too much offence i.e is fairly appropriate for the situation then I cant understand why it's any body elses business.

i tend to get more that i look unhealthy, and too pale if i dont wear makeup.
but my boyfriend tends to like me more when i don't try, so i guess that's what matters more than what strangers think.
i only tend to wear makeup/do my hair if i am going somewhere nice, just because it's nice to dress up occasionally.

My grandmother used to say that to me all the time, as well as lots of aunts and great-aunts I didn't know.
I have naturally pink cheeks (don't know why, always had them) and people always comment on them. I hate them, they make me look younger than I am.
If it's that obvious of a feature, odds are we've heard it before. Do people really think they are the first person to say these things (you should try to look nice/oh, but your cheeks are so cute/haa ha, your name is a horrible pun) and that you wouldn't have noticed if they hadn't come along?
If it's a stranger I usually go with a really sweet, "Thank you. I really hadn't thought about it that way until now."