"women's" work

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Okay - that's a silly topic header.

I have had problems in the past with expections - my own and my partner's - about housekeeping. I finally discovered, after many years, that it's not that I'm a slob (well, not just that) but that I have executive disorder and that has made it difficult for me to figure out how to organize the whole "keeping the house" thing. For me, Flylady has been invaluable.

I also tend to have the "male mind" of simon-cohen. I tend to hang out with guys discussing things like weightlifting and soccer and computers instead of with women discussing well, whatever they discuss.

Have any of you run into typical "women's role" stuff where you just don't fit with the gender role well?

You may very well seem like a tomboy. Yes, I don't fit in with the gender role well, since I have changed myself into a tomboy.

Defintely. I am a stay at home mom but not a typical one (lol). I prefer to study science with my son and discuss history with my daughter than bake cookies. I think I actually appreciate more those who can have everything organized and are making homemade meals and being so crafty. Alot of people dismiss "women's work" but I think it really is a gift to those for whom it comes naturally.

I used to think that my ex-husband made a better mom to the kids than I did, whereas I would have made a better dad. Or maiden aunt, the kind with the academic career (didn't happen) and the oddball interests.

Hi,

Great summary -- U just described me... Female with AS living in a male world (R&D engineering, sailboat racing, sking, dog training)

I am really lucky that I earn enough to support a partner who does the traditional stuff for me... I am also lucky that I found him in the first place.

I also notice that I have no draw toward children. All the women I know ooh and ahh over anything baby. I don't have that reaction.

Do you?

Kewl!


I've done that. My kids were basically raised by my ex who was really into that stuff. I love babies and kids but I don't do well with remembering all the kinda stuff like doing their lunch in the mornings and stuff. So with my son (13yo) I had to actually put "make son's lunch" in my PDA to remind me every morning for school.

I know that I spent many years really beating myself up over not being able to keep the house clean. I finally figured out that it's a manifestation of executive dysfunction! It was such a relief to realize that. I'm able now to accept myself and move forward, but I think this is an aspect of aspergers that men don't even really have to deal with because no one really expects men to be able to keep house, whereas women, even if we "choose" not to, are expected to automatically be able to.

excuse the male for posting Anna but I can realte to your piost. I still live with my parenb and my mom gets pissed everytme my room is a mess, even though I was diagnosed real young she just understand ED, does anyone know where I can advocacy services?

If I have a small area to keep clean, like one room, I can keep it pretty neat. But a whole house? Forget it! It's like a job in itself.

Hah; I'm awful at keeping anything but my books organized. I tend to let it pile up until I keep tripping, then I go into a mad organization frenzy. (I'm a teenager, though; perhaps it's allowed.) I'm amazed at my own mother, who manages to juggle decorating the house (she makes all our drapes, among other things), dealing with my four-year-old sister, and managing a house full of people. She's not pleased about it, and is planning to find a job soon, though. Cleaning unprompted? You must be joking. Thankfully I can cook fairly well, or I'd be worrying even more than I already am about what will happen when I get to college (especially since I am extremely picky and have issues about eating any food I percieve to belong to someone else).

On the subject of kids, they drive me up the wall. I'm uncomfortable enough with people my own age; when they get much younger, I get very uncomfortable. When the aforementioned youngest sister was born, it took me two years before I could view her with anything like affection, and before she was born I was downright phobic. Spare me the pictures of babies! I'm willing to 'mentor' kids roughly eight and up if I have to, but babysitting--no way! I'd leap at the chance to petsit, though.

Frankly, I don't know what women are 'supposed' to talk about--I am the sort that generally wants to discuss dogs, schoolwork, language or books, and I've discovered that it's usually geeks and nerds of both genders who want to talk the latter three. (I usually have to wait until I get home and hit the forums to talk dogs, alas.) I'm not into stereotypical guy stuff either, since sports bore me and most intricate computer stuff frankly confuses me.

Executive dysfunction ... shall look that one up. I'm hopeless at remembering to tidy up or wash any of my own stuff; I have no idea how my Mum does it. I just can't organise myself at all - just like SolaCatella I let everything get really stupidly messy then obsessively organise it when I can no longer ignore it. (But then I am also a teenager.) As for talking about things, I like to talk about music, medical things, erm ... schoolwork (definitely) maths, chemistry, technical things (I like talking about computers, as long as it's not too detailed) and snooker, and ... yeah. I tend to get on better with guys than girls, though to look at my friends you'd not think so. But I think the only time I enjoy 'women's' talk would be discussing the problems that come with a certain time of the month, in that it's nice to know they understand. Apart from that, what are women supposed to talk about?

man this is what I have to look forward too with my son. he is the most disorganized kid... i am the mom so many of you speak of on here. get annoyed when things don't get done. My husband and I have the reversed roles. he stays at home and raises the kids while i work. My husband and I both are not AS but we have some pretty defined issues ourselves.. i have pretty harsh sensory issues and my huband has anxiety disorder.. I do a lot of the laundry and do the cooking and my husband does the kids running around and then cleans up after dinner.. so really i can say both of us have the tradtional roles covered.. i grew up with a mom who did all the cleaning to obsession and I would never live like that.. for the record most of my friends are males and I get along better with them than most woman.. i hope you all don't take offense of what i am goind to say.. I really think a lot NT females are catty, shallow and self centered. I despise reality TV and the shallow stuff on them.. and this is all I ever hear from the girls who i work with.. i roll my eyes... not that i would want to talk sports or computers but I like to think that I am pretty well versed that I can converse on many subjects.. these females can not think of anything but this crap TV. i find myself finding other things to do at lunch time so I don't have to listen to this shallow stuff... i knew the females look at me and roll their eyes.. and they might have thought for many years before I met my husband I was gay... i know I fit the mommy role well and since my husband is home with the kids he fits it well too.. I think a lot of times we might have found the right balance when I fond my husband.. we have the same values.. raising our own kids..

i also wonder about all those female things like manicures, pedicures, and massages.. this is where the sensory thing comes in it for me.. I hate when anyone touches me like that.. i am clean and neat but minus all the frills.. my mother in law said last year that she was bummed because her son was marrying a tom boy! sorry charlie.. i was one and still am..

Ryansjoy,

I know what you mean when you say women can be catty. They also like to gossip all the time and keep drama going. I don't have time for all that mess.

Ryansjoy: Yes, some NT girls/women can be catty, but please understand that not all of them are. As I mentioned above, I am friends with several NT girls. I've never known any of them to give a wet slap about any reality show or soap opera or whatever, nor have I ever had any of them be catty, to me or to anyone else. My own mother is much the same way.

My two cents.

My adopted mother "trained " me to do alot of the cleaning because she hated it(now she has a house keeper)I also did the laundry but she gave up on trying to teach me to cook...now I have a job where I do all thes things and enjoy cooking(I was paying attention to what my mom was doing and cook from memmory now...hate trying to follow recipies)I cant say I enjoy cleaning...very boring..I'ld rather be on the computer or reading, but at least I'm getting paid for it now and I can take my own time and clean only when things are actually dirty(My mom had weekly cleaning schedule and I never thought things were dirty enough to need to be dusted every week)

As far as cleaning in my own house....I hate it!!!I will only clean the bathroom when the smell bothers me, I wish my boyfriend and his son were either better at aiming or would wipe up their own pee...but the smell doesnt bother them ,so I end up doing it....yuck.

After 4 years I have finally got my boyfriend to do the dishes(mostly his)and take out the garbage occasionaly...I dont mind doing it,but think its both of our responsibilitys.As far as cleaning to organize
things, this is a huge issue...we are both collecters and because I have been poor for so long ,I have difficulty throwing things away...it's actually painful...but we have more stuff then we have space...I like to be organized"a place for everthing and everything in its place" but we have run out of places!!
The piles of books and tapes drive me crazy...I want to have one place to put them all together so I can find what I am looking for instead of searching the whole apt for one thing....agggghhhh

I dream of a house someday but doubt that is possible since he is on disability and I tend to have low paying jobs....but there is always Publishers Clearing House....lol

I'm not very good at cleaning; it just seems that every time I try to clean, things end up looking worse. When I try to organize, things end up even less organized. I tried flylady and failed miserably. Polish my sink? Wear high heels? Huh? I now have a declutter approach. I throw things away mercilessly. Things I used to hoard now go in the trash.

The problem with trying to clean is that there is always something interesting that ends up distracting me.