I'm an Aspie and I found out I am pregnant.

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This is a little bit of a difficult subject for me because honestly I am not sure how I am supposed to feel. I always knew I wanted kids - but of course my concern is - will they be like me? Not that there is anything terrible about BEING me. But, will they have the challenges that I face? Will they struggle as I have? How do I help?

I have a bunch of mixed emotions, in fact, so many, that it feels like they are trying to cram through a small door and got stuck. My NT man doesn't really know how to help, well, because he is emotional too.

We are excited, and of course happy - but it is a frightening experience.

Anyone here can give me some advice? Something to set me on the right train of thought so I do not obsess with this too much?

People with AS can live in this world, they just may need some educating. Many of us who are now adults got overlooked when we were kids. That doesn't have to be the case anymore. If you see the signs, intervene early and consistently and they'll have a much better chance of doing well, even if they are on the wrong planet.

You never know what will happen, Your child may turn out to be NT. In the case that they do not develop normally, you can turn to your local Babies Can't Wait organization for help. http://www.babiescantwait.com/

I wasn't told about this organization until it was too late to help my own kids, so I'm determined not to let other mothers experience the same.

Congratulations and good luck to you and your husband. Parenting a child is a daunting task but you will be surprised at what you find yourself capable of doing for your baby.

You already know what to look for regarding spectrum traits, so you are ahead of the game there. Also, there is more known about spectrum disorders now, and more treatments available to help us cope. If your kid turns out to be on the spectrum, there are now ways to help that weren't there when I was a kid. They didn't even recognize these disorders as such back then. Instead we were labelled as having emotional/behavioral problems, and/or discipline problems. I had to learn my own coping methods on my own over 5 decades, without even knowing why I was so different for most of that time.

I am glad that there is help available now, but I still hope your kid turns out to be NT.

Congratulations! And my condolances also. You will feel at times both ways during a pregnancy, and that's normal. Especially a first one. I've got four NT kids and I have AS and I can tell you how I felt, if that helps.

We both wanted kids, but I didn't like kids but I also knew I would like mine. Or hoped I would. I was mainly excited and happy because it was a big deal. I read everything, especially those what to expect type books and kept up with things during my pregnancy to make sure I was on schedule and I knew ahead of time what to expect.

I threw up for the first three months. There were times when I'd feel so sick to my stomach that I'd just cry and wish I hadn't gotten myself into this at all. I knew there was my baby in there and he was important to me, but I didn't feel anything at all for him (or any of my children) during the actual pregnancy. They were more of an idea than a person then. I knew that there was a baby in there but it was hard to understand/believe/comprehend or whatever word you want to use.

The middle trimester was great. I couldn't wait to show and started showing then. That was wonderful at first. I enjoyed the attention and I enjoyed being different than I had been before. I had seen lots of pregnant women and now I was one, and I recognized a lot of things in my that they had done. I did resent not being able to do things like drink alcohol, take medicine that I needed, or smoke cigarettes, but I knew that I wouldn't be pregnant forever. I was excited about getting things ready for the baby and I was counting down the weeks and it seemed like it would take forever to get there.

The last trimester drug by. I was so tired of being pregnant and I wanted to have the baby then. I was watching night and day for signs of labor after 36 weeks. Checking for the mucos plug every time I went to the bathroom. Looking for spotting. Anticipating my water breaking. Holding my breath and looking at the clock every time I'd have a Braxton-Hicks contraction. We had taken the classes and since I worked in that part of the hospital I knew exactly what to expect and who to see in my delivery. I was uncomfortable and wanted him out now. Right now! But I still had a few weeks to go. We had everything ready for him a week before he was born. I started my maternity leave and spent every day in the bed reading. I was terrified of labor even though I was planning on demerol and an epidural. I still felt nothing for the actual baby, but I certainly wanted him to be ok. I never talked to him inside me, never did any of that sentemental stuff. I felt bad about not feeling anything for him, but I never told anyone.

Then came d-day. Went into labor and had him. I won't go into the birth story. But, I remember pushing and thinking "OMG there is going to be an actual baby now! I won't just go back to not being pregnant, I'm going to have to deal with a baby!" I had known it all along of course and was excited, had taken the classes, etc and was prepared but the fear hit me then. Luckily, about 10 minutes later he was born. They held him up for me to see and let me kiss him and took him to suction him from the meconium. As soon as I saw him when the dr held him up I was hit by a love so strong that you can't imagine it. I couldn't have imagined it before. I started crying, and I'm not a cryer at all. I felt guilt for not having feelings for him during my pregnancy but I didn't think about that. All I thought about was him.

I turned out to be a pretty good mother too. I had three more kids after that, then my husband got fixed. I never felt a thing for the actual baby during any pregnancy. I wasn't uncaring or anything, I of course cared but I just felt no actual emotion. That was what was normal for me, and it didn't make me a bad mother, because I love my kids more than anything and with the exception of my oldest son now being with a crazy crackhead girl whose turned him against his whole family, they all love me. He loved me too and had a happy life and we had a close family up until he got with her. That's another story and she's got lots of problems so that could be part of it.

Anyway, I wanted to tell you all that long story because I wanted you to know that good and bad feelings are normal. With a first pregnancy you think you know how you are supposed to feel and you may not feel that way and it can cause guilt. Don't let it. Whatever you feel is ok. Just go with it and enjoy the good times of it and when you have bad times in it remember that it doesn't last forever and you will get a reward at the end. (Unless he ends up with a common law wife/baby mama thats a crackhead and crazy )

Congratulations, really.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

Wow! Thank you so much for the responses everyone.

The site is fantastic Lucywlf thank you! Every bit helps.

And the long story is very valuable Frances. Thank you for sharing that. That makes me feel a lot more relaxed. And your right, I need to just go with the flow. I am trying to take deep breathes and just "let go" and take it as it comes. A real feat for me.

I feel lucky to have such a treasure trove of people with such insight.

Best of wishes for you and your baby.

Just wanted to say congratulations to you on your pregnancy. I am an Aspie mum. I have 3 boys, all of them are NT as far as we know. It isn't always easy, but being a parent isn't always easy regardless if you are Aspie or NT. And as others have said, you have so much knowledge that if your little one turns out Aspie at least you will have early diagnosis.

Anyway, just wanted to say congratulations.

Thank your for the congratz everyone. I really appreciate it

It also makes me feel better to hear that, while difficult, being a parent on the spectrum is very very possible. I was ( and still am ) questioning my ability to be a good one. But I will do my best.

Don't worry about it. Having kids will be awesome. You will be able to indulge in some of the things they do.

Just take it easy. If your kid will either be an AS or NT, it will be fine.

Congratulations! I just baby a few days ago. I was due on March 25th and I gave birth on March 27th. It has been a very crazy last few months, but it's wroth it in the end.

Wow congratulations!! !

That is so wonderful!

I have always wanted kids and then when I was in my teens, I just wanted to adopt because I didn't want to ruin my body nor get fat and then have to try and lose after I have the baby. Then as an adult I wasn't sure if I wanted kids but I knew I did not want to be a sinlge mother. Emotionally I wanted them but logically I wasn't sure. But my husband is good with kids and he knows how to cook and makes better food choices and he handles social situations so I knew I'd be fine with having a kid.

The first time I got pregnant, I felt like I was dreaming and I was not expecting it to happen that soon when I stopped taking birth control. But I felt like garbage. My feet ached and my skin itched, I got very bad headaches when it be very hot out and I felt bloated and I had cramps in my uterus. Then I had a miscarriage and the second time I got pregnant, I felt normal. I still had sore breasts but they happened off and on and I didn't feel bloated and I didn't have cramping, and I didn't feel like garbage. I figured it was because it wasn't hot out. Only reason I knew I was pregnant was because I noticed my period was due and it didn't come so I took the test and it was positive. But I wasn't excited about it. I was happy I was pregnant again but I wasn't excited to have the baby because of what happened last time. It took me months to get excited again. I stayed away from threads that talked about miscarriages and stillborns because I didn't want to make myself worry about having one too. I even walked away from this forum for about two weeks when I was having problems on here again because I couldn't take the stress and stress is not good during pregnancy. Plus I had other things going on in my life and one of them was worrying about having another miscarriage. The feelings just came back when I found out I was expecting again and I was then worried about going through it again. I wouldn't even tell anyone I was pregnant, not even online except for at Yahoo Answers when I was asking questions about it. But my parents knew because it was hard for me to not tell them. I let my husband announce the news to the rest of his family when I got to 12 weeks after I heart the first heart beat. Then I waited till the ultra sound to tell my boss which was at 21 weeks.
So far my son is NT. I don't worry about if he will grow up to hate me or if he will be a difficulty child or have ODD or if he will have problems he would need therapy. Dad taught me worrying is a waste of time of energy.

Congratulations!

I am an AS mom on the other side of parenting. My youngest is 17 and about to graduate from HS and move out on his own. I have one AS kid and one NT kid. What I can tell you from this perspective is that being a parent is a wonderful, challenging, exhilarating, exhausting journey that you think will never end. Then it does end, or at least it transitions from day to day hands-on parenting to being a friend, mentor and sounding board.

Each child is unique and there is no way to predict what your journey will be like. I was never the social PTA/soccer mom, but my kids knew that in my quiet way I was always there for them. As an AS mom you won't be like those moms on TV, but then again who is? Pregnancy and parenting a baby is tiring. Try to get enough rest and be good to yourself. Kids are pretty durable and for the most part do just fine with caring and frequently imperfect parenting.

One more thing... Despite what the marketers would have you believe, you don't have to get all the best and latest and greatest things for the kiddo. Kids have done just fine with hand-me-downs for generations. The are lots of kids' consignment shops where you can get the necessities for a fraction of the price. They outgrow things so fast that there is no point in breaking the bank.

Think about what kind of parent you want to be and how you are going to do it.

Then ignore all the people who tell you you're wrong if you don't do it their way.

Ignore all the people who tell you Aspies are sociopaths and can't be good parents.

Ignore all the people who look like perfect parents with perfect kids. The only thing I'm perfectly sure of about parenting is, everybody screws it up somehow. The kids still turn out OK.

Thanks everyone, sincerely.

I would feel lost without this place and I am so glad I found out about it. I am the only one in my family here on the spectrum and it's not always easy to convey how I feel with them.

Thank you all for being so understanding.