Suck at Pleasing People

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So I notice with a lot of NT women, they just instintively know how to please people with making them feel good emotionally or doing the right gestures. And from reading a billion things about gender roles and stuff, women are generally socialized to be "people pleasers". Of course not all NT women are. Its sorta a social expectation, the taking care of people part. I just have to say that I suck at being a people pleaser. Adults around me have been trying to get me to smile since forever! I didnt start to fake smile until after I worked at a supermarket which was hell. Even people I want to please, I have trouble pleasing them. I always need to substitute some functional reason for wanting to see someone. Like umm, "I wanted to talk about ____________". I'm telling myself to "stop" the logical reasoning for wanting to visit someone or else the persons just gonna think Im using them. Even when it comes to giving people stuff. My mom always tries to get me to give people food. But I have problems doing that cause the persons suppose to not wanna take it so if they tell me but then your in turn suppose to impose your gift upon them? See that confuses me. Its like, just take the damn food already I dont need to put up with some awkward social appreciation ritual? Its not that I dont wanna give people small gifts, I just suck at doing so. I am naturally a keep to myself and exchange functional exchanges of communication type of person. Dont get me wrong, I like bonding with people but thats just not natural. And I dont bond with a whole lot of people, so thats another factor.

I mean what NT knew that pleasing people would be so complicated? Other aspie females suck at pleasing people.

I quit trying to please people years ago. I do what I like to do. If I do something it's because I wanted to, not because I wanted to please them. I find that people hate fakes and phonies and they can pick up on that stuff and I feel why even bother if it's not good enough for them? I couldn't even please my last ex and he was an aspie too. He knew I was doing it because I was forcing myself and he only wanted me to do it because I want to, not do it because it's what he wants me to do. Nothing was ever good enough for him either. I have noticed this is pretty common in aspies when they are married to a none aspie except the ironic thing was I was in a relationship with an aspie and things I did was never good enough for him either and other NTs also want their aspies to do things for them because they want to, not do it by scripts or forcing themselves to do it or do it by rote or do it because they are supposed to. I was like "WTF?" Yeah don't even bother.

^I think to some degree, I realize that I really cant please people but I still feel very self-conscious about not doing it even though I almost never do it. I cant seem to know how to please the people I even want to please. Of course, my mom scolds me for being antisocial to the relatives. Then we had an argument, and after a while my mom couldnt believe that I wasnt interested in trying to please people and make them feel good, like I lacked a heart and soul. I mean she knows I dont. I do tend to walk around like I dont care at times. I do, just certain things bother me.

I made this post in just taking observations how many NTs just naturally please people. In the realization that I really really suck at doing so.

I gave up trying to please people. I'm too lazy to do so.

I just do what I enjoy and not let others get in the way of what I like to do.

I was never much into people pleasing. My favourite person to please is myself. I must also add that I'm female on the outside and male on the inside. The reason my profile says "Male" is because I feel a lot more male than I do female. I thought I'd give everyone a heads up on this.

this is one of the ways spectrum disorders and gender roles collaborate to screw us
we're supposed to take care of everybody elses feelings so if we have an empathy fail or misunderstanding it's an extra huge deal

I'm rubbish at this too, probably why I don't have many female friends. Wherever I've worked in offices and retail in the past it seems most of the well liked women refer to everyone as 'honey', 'sweetie', 'darling', etc. That never felt natural to me, like complimenting someone on their hair or dress, when in reality I rarely care about or notice these things

I'm too quiet to please anybody, it seems. Absolutely sucktastic.