If you're an attractive young woman with Aspies

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Do you have any serious problem attracting guys (or girls if you're bi/lez) and/or getting sexual satisfaction?

I don't initially as a lot of guys that tend to come my way want sex. When they find out that they are not going to get it just like that, they lose interest.

I don't have trouble attracting males in a relationship way either. But what happens sometimes is I get unwanted attention from guys and this puts me off men sometimes. I didn't have a relationship for a good couple of years before meeting my current boyfriend as I split up with someone who wouldn't leave me alone (and is still trying to get back with me now) and I got some unwanted attention from other males, so I thought 'f**k this' and was determined to enjoy the single life.

I have never really sought a relationship as I just don't do that. You can't force something like that along. You just have to wait for someone to come along who you feel is suitable. If he isn't then that's your mistake and learn from it.

no and no. I have always been like Fiz.

My answer is similar to the answer Fiz gave too.

Never had problems attracting men, get a lot of unwanted atention, and tend to fall into relationships as they happen without looking.

so what makes any of you women think you have aspie's?

So what makes YOU think you have AS?

I don't think I have AS, I know. I don't ever remember seeing 'inability to attract the opposite sex' as being one of the key symptoms. Social awkwardness, yes. Just because I have AS it doesn't mean people will find me ugly or not want to be with me, and this is true for us all (all of us that want one that is), it's just we find relationships harder than NT's and have more difficulty initiating them is all.

Yes, I agree w/ you, Fiz. And I think finding all of the strange men hitting on us uncomfortable is a definite symptom. Most NT women are flattered when strange men come up to them and compliment them, etc.

I'm in agreement with Fiz here. I actually don't know whether or not I have AS as I've never had a proper assessment (currently trying to navigate the labaryinthine depths of NHS beuracracy to get one). I do know that I've never been able to fit in with my own age group, had a lot of difficulties socialising when I was a child, get stressed by major changes in routine and have had many unusual and intense obsessions and interests. So AS is a possibility.

As for attracting males, I have long golden blond hair, a reasonably symmetrical face, large breasts and I'm not overweight. Go figure. I've had offers. This isn't something I particulary enjoy. When I was younger I took some of them up and had some very bad experiences and some pretty mediocre ones. There have been guys who I've really REALLY liked, loved even, but in most cases I never managed to make my feelings known to them, and when I have, with one exception, they haven't been interested. This is very painful and I wish I knew how I could stop it or direct my feelings towards someone who does like me. The guy I liked who did like me went out with me for several months. Although he's a lovely guy (we're still good friends), he was quite immature (this wasn't his fault, he was only 19 at the time), and soon our relationship was playing second fiddle to the various university society committee positions he'd secured himself. I got to see him about once a week if I was lucky. I'm crap at communicating how I feel about things and basically left it to fester, hoping it would get better. After a couple of months, my love for him died and I eventually plucked up the courage to end it.

And as for sexual satisfaction, I'm not particularly sexually motivated. I find that the sensation of being hugged, kissed and touched by my partner can produce the physiological signs of arousal (so I can have sex if my partner requests it), but not the emotional ones. I'm usually not even aware it's happening. The act itself is embarrasing and invasive, and in order to do it I "retreat" emotionally (I hope that makes some sense) and start acting. Men like to take the lead, so I haven't found the "script" too difficult to learn. As social encounters go, I'd actually rate sex as one of the more predictable ones. I think I might enjoy sex if I was emotionally intimate with my partner, as in the beginning of the relationship I described above I enjoyed hugging him and being with him after we'd had sex.

These are my experiences, sorry if I've rambled on a bit.

I don't have trouble attracting guys, specially ones that are in the the same industry as me. I get on better with men. I'm not ugly: petite, dark haired, slightly exotic as I'm 16th asian indian. have a boosoom. I often misread guys interest ... I assume they are talking to me because they want to talk tech , as in peer to peer, and then find out later that they were trying to chat me up. have also upset a few girl friends: I think I am having a converstion with a professional equal, and the girl friend thinks I'm making move on their guy. boring. I'm attractive to certain techy guys because I can talk gear for hours..

I understand what you mean r_mc by 'retreating'. I'm still into sex, even after being married for 11 years, but I have times were I cannot bear anyone getting in my 'space', cant even stand feeling someones breath on my skin. At these times, my body still becomes aroused, but my mind just has to shut off, and I'm emotionally blank.

BMC

Yes, I'm with you all on the emotional retreating during sex. Shhhh... Don't tell my husband! Seriously, I am not much interested in sex when I have small children. THey require so much physical touch that I feel like I just can't stand any more. But my husband is an NT man, and they require sex to feel loved (at least that's what I've read and dh's actions/words seem to back that up) so I have sex even though I don't really want to. I think once a month would be enough for me, and that's abou thow often I'm actually "there" and enjoying it, but I try to do it once a week for my poor dh who puts up w/ so much from me. But honestly, I have always enjoyed sex. I had no interest at all in it until I was about 18 or so, but after that, I was all for it.

I have also been in your shoes, madbadcat. I always thought guys were talking w/ me peer to peer and then later would realize they'd been hitting on me. I've also had women think I was hitting on their men, or even them, etc.

I don't have probelms getting guys, lots of guys are more than willing to have sex with me.

I have trouble attracting people I want. I'm not interested in many people, i'm nearly asexual.

Ditto...well, not nearly asexual anymore considering I have a boyfriend...but I considered myself asexual for much of my life. I'm 22 and a virgin, but there has never been a shortage of guys flirting with me, flat out asking to take me home even (Which I think is just plain rude ) and I turn them down in very blunt ways. I even wear a diamond ring on my wedding-band finger (I'm not engaged) which I sometimes refer to as my jerk-repeller. It was actually a gift from my grandmother.

I've experienced a lot of jerks and I would have doubts as to effect that would be. According to my mother the most effective way of repelling jerks is projectile vomiting.

I think you misunderstand, jonathandoors.
To attract a man is not difficult, you simply need to have what that man would consider a desirable physique. When a female is approached by a male who is seeking sexual interaction it has very little to do with her social skills. To be blunt, he is simply seeking something to put his penis in. The only time her personality comes into play is if he finds it a significant obstacle in getting her to let him get her clothes off.
In the reverse situation, where a female approaches a man for similar contact, very different factors are in play. Social skills count. Potential for a lasting relationship counts. etcetera etcetera.

To accuse women of not having AS simply because they are physically attractive is rude, and somewhat aggressive.

(BTW, Aspie is a word used to identify a person with Aspergers, not the condition, and you've misused the apostrophe. To have aspie's would be an incomplete phrase. To have an AS person's... what? Your use of the apostrophe signals ownership. For me to accuse you of not having AS because you can't master English would be on par with your statement above.)

I think the diagnosis is a big give away.

Welcome to my least favourite member position.