"Surviving Female Friendships"

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http://survivingfemalefriendships.blogspot.com/

Still reading it over.

Has anyone heard of/read this book or blog? What did you think of it?

(Mods: if this belonged in Social Skills and Making Friends, feel free to move it. I wasn't sure.)

very interesting blog, i like the links to research and the advice as to how to make friends as an adult (very hard!)

Thanks.

It was kind of reassuring to see that this is difficult for everyone (hope that didn't sound too naive).

I didn't actually feel like a female until i turned 35 and now I feel like a new person. Hormones are weird with autists i think, or at least for me. I had my hormones checked after insisting to a psychiatrist and he said mine were like a teenager because i had this reaction to anti psychotic meds, lol. I was all f'd up. But here's the thing, in the womb autistic women have a surge of testosterone just like males. That's why they say aspie females have a longer index finger. lol My index finger and ring figer are almost the same length.

Everyone tells me i look at least 10 years younger and i think this is common with aspies so with women, it's like being a male and feeling like a female still and being all displaced in social relationships because of it.

http://fingerlengthdigitratio.wordpress.com/tag/autism/

oh so back to the OP question, my relationships with women were all messed up, they either liked me in a lesbian way or competed with me and told gossip lies. Just the other day i had a client grab my boob. It's like they see you as a dude in a girls body.

This is my experience, basically. The difference for me is that I am gay myself, which at times makes this subject even more difficult. Most of the women I have tried to befriend are also gay due to (from what I've seen) gay culture being more accepting of differences. I am quite androgynous and gender fluid, which is apparently an attractive thing to some. I am also completely oblivious to the motives of others, so when I assume that someone is showing interest in being friends with me (friendly, talkative, willing to spend time learning about how I operate) it often turns out that they were making discreet sexual advances without my knowledge. After a while, they gather that I am uninterested in sexual relations and suddenly they drop contact.

Then there are the girlfriends of my male friends; an equally frustrating subject in its own right. Since I find it easier to befriend men (similar interests, less focused on stereotypically "female" habits, etc) I often encounter their girlfriends after a while. Almost without fail, every girlfriend of my friends has instantly disliked me. They find me to be a threat to "their territory" (aka, I play video games with their boyfriends so they assume I'm trying to sleep with them?) and generally refuse to show me any kindness. As much as I dislike being put into these sorts of positions, I will try to befriend them as well to show that I harbor no ill-intent towards their relationship. They take my attempts at friendliness as underhanded or.. whatever else they may think. My friends have been forced to stop hanging out or talking to me because their girlfriends didn't trust my intentions; it didn't matter that I'm gay to them, it was "obviously a cover."

In reference to "being a male in a female's body," I feel like that is why most of my friendships in general have had the complications that they have; both sexes are confused by my lack of adherence to one gender identity or the other. I am too male for most females, too female for most males, and have the ability to take on either stereotyped "side" depending on the situation, so to say.

There are more examples, but to cut my all ready long-winded opinion short:

All in all, being friends with women is one of the most infuriating things I have ever encountered. I will have to read this blog.

I've encountered people like that too. IMO, it may have less to do with you and more to do with their own insecurities (and/or if their guys have given them *other reasons* not to trust them that have NOTHING to do with you).

I like to think that this is the case, but when it happens with nearly every friend I've had that has been dating someone (my friends tend to be single for the most part, due to their own struggles with social interaction) I really start to wonder if it might have something to do with me. The friends group in question has long since disbanded, so its not an issue for me these days, but it would be nice to make friends with women (or their boyfriends) and know their intentions outright without a fear of repercussion.

These days, I have two "real" friends, but one day I would like to venture into the realm of making friends again and know how to navigate the madness appropriately.

I've always had that happen to me. I really do believe it has to do with other people - as most of them allow their insecurties to run their lives for the most part.

It's happened to almost every close male friend I have had - the only exceptions have been the girls I was already friends with who got with my guy friends. They are fine, because they know how it is. But anyone esle just seems to loose it. Bit ret*d when I don't even hang out that much with people, but there's not much that I can do about it either.

i make a special effort when meeting girlfriends of my guy friends, in that i try to pay more attention to her than would seem "natural" given that HE is my friend and not HER. that helps to put her at ease and also helps to prevent my guy's friendship from being strained by jealousy. it doesn't have to continue like that indefinitely, just long enough for her to know that i am interested in her too, and that i don't see her as a threat. killing her with kindness, so to speak. since the girl is the new one into the relationship, the onus is on me and my boyfriend to make her feel at ease with my friendship. anything else will rightfully feel territorial to her and she could feel ill at ease or jealous.