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I meant this to be a reply to Joe90's post. I must have hit the "newtopic" button instead of the "postreply" button.

Are you introducing yourself to completely random people? NT usually like to pretend that there is some other reason apart from socializing that they are talking. They usually use circumstantial things to start a conversation. Like if they are in a grocery store, they might start a conversation about food or something in some trivial way that makes starting a conversation easier. I think they do this for 2 reasons: 1) because they are pretending like they have some other reason to be talking to you, if you don't respond positively, it makes rejection less harsh, 2) because socializing is so natural for NT, you come across as being a freak if it's obvious that you're doing something deliberately. Also, in my experience (I live in the USA) women hardly ever initiate any interaction with a man. If you are talking to random men, that alone might be considered strange.

IF the above stated reasons are correct, then it might also explain why men like you so much. I find that because most women are so passive and expect to be treated like princesses, that a reasonably attractive woman who is willing to walk up to a man, shake his hand, and introduce herself, makes herself really really hot to most men. I always thought women who did this were hot. Also my guess would be that because you're an aspie, you are more straightforward than most women and therefore don't make men put up with as much BS, which they find attractive.

That is my best guess.

OOOoooooo! This is very insightful! (seriously)

It's kinda like they have to have an 'excuse' to talk to you, so they hunt around like a dork looking for any ole lame reason!

This is GOOD, we can do that too, so we don't look like a torpedo heading for their face.


That's pretty smart, even if you do have fruit for eyes.

I don't know that you can expect people to introduce themselves to random strangers (I've brushed people off and backed up when confronted by a stranger--unless I'm very drunk or otherwise relaxed, or I find them very, very, very attractive.*)

If by princess you mean acculturated to be passive, sure, but that's less 'princessy' and more social conditioning. We're taught to very nearly fear aggressive social behavior, for reasons that vary from being seen as rude to being seen as an acceptable target for mockery, cruelty and harassing behavior. It's more complicated than you might think.

As far as how men tend to take forthrightness from women.... that's a very mixed bag. For some stupid reason, men tend to like me because they say I'm like talking to one of the guys (which is a little annoying, because women are perfectly capable of making sense and/or being forthright. It's not something just men do.) Some men find it oddly challenging, as if somehow their masculinity is being challenged. Most of the NT men I've dated have fallen into the latter category, which is why I tend to date odd balls (who often aren't as obsessed with being the 'man' in a stereotypical sense). It works best between people who share their non-NTness, in my experience.

I like talking to men, and I usually don't mind that almost all my friends are men, except for that sometimes they seem to forget I'm not a man (and you'd think my physiology would be a good reminder) and talk s**t about women in front of me. It's a bad, bad idea--no matter how easy men seem to find me to talk to, I'm still not a man.

Another reaction to my forthrightness has been a combination of disbelief and the other person essentially 'waiting for the other shoe to drop.' Stereotypical anticipation is also a little frustrating, especially since some people refuse to believe that I am actually forthright about anything, because women aren't forthright by definition. My best relationships have been with people whose gender or sexuality is a little more fluid, because they are also accustomed to being stereotyped and try to be aware of the effect of that sort of thing.

People seem to find my goal-orientation in conversations amusing, but I work consciously to try and be patient with people and their need to diverge in conversations. I've mastered a few demi-neutral statements, and I tend to let people go on about whatever they seem to need to talk about for awhile.

You're probably right that NT people tend to approach communication sort of sideways. It always seems... off kilter to me.

* which happens once in a blue moon. They'd better be amazingly good looking and good at conversations to overcome my natural urge to run away from the strange person who has just broached my bubble.

I meant this to be a reply to Joe90's post, "Do NT men mind standoffish-looking girls?"

I Guess I hit the "newtopic" button rather than the "postreply button." I'm going to copy and paste my reply into her topic. You may as well delete my post because it is in a stupid spot.

to mouthyb:

I do think that the gender rolls are really obnoxious. I'm attracted to straightforward women, and I prefer to be straightforward myself, but it usually doesn't work. It makes things really frustrating.

For instance, I had a really nice conversation with a woman a couple weeks ago, and I asked her on facebook whether she would be interested in seeing me again. Usually my experience is that women prefer it when men do this thing face to face or on the phone, but I didn't ask for her number the first time I met her, and I didn't know how to meet her again. She didn't reply after a week, and I was considering deleting my facebook for a while, so I went ahead and deleted it. My previous experience with women is that if they don't reply it probably means that they are mocking you behind your back, so I've deliberately avoided speaking to her since then when I happen to run into her. I realize that there is a possibility that she didn't log onto her facebook for a week, and now she thinks I'm weird because I sent her a message on facebook and then deleted my profile, but I've had such negative experiences with women before that I don't even want to bother finding out if that is the case. If she were a guy I would assume that he must have missed the message or didn't get to it before I deleted my profile, and I would have brought up the subject again, because I can almost always assume that another man will treat me with respect.

In my experience, almost every time I talk to a woman, she thinks I must be trying to hit on her. If she is not attracted to me, then she acts like I'm really annoying for even approaching her and she basically treats me like dirt. If she is attracted to me, then she plays stupid flirty hard-to-get games that I find repulsive. In either case, it makes it impossible to have a regular conversation. So I have been deliberately avoiding women for a few months now. It just isn't worth it. But almost any man I meet is happy to talk to me at almost any time.