Women and "games"... do Aspie women do this too?

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Onewithwings
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13 Mar 2014, 1:05 pm

So, I am an Aspie female, and I have never understood the "games" women play with regard to dating. Like playing hard to get, saying stuff they don't mean, expecting their partner to read their mind, making weird "rules" about what is and isn't cheating, always having to be right, doing things to "test" their partners, snooping their partner's email or facebook or texts, etc.

Is this more common in NT girls than Aspies? It seems like a lot of that "unwritten social rules" kinda stuff that I just don't follow. I prefer to be straightforward, say when something is bothering me, talking things out instead of making assumptions, etc.


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MegaBass
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13 Mar 2014, 1:09 pm

Men don't play games? thats news to me.



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13 Mar 2014, 1:20 pm

Onewithwings wrote:
So, I am an Aspie female, and I have never understood the "games" women play with regard to dating. Like playing hard to get, saying stuff they don't mean, expecting their partner to read their mind, making weird "rules" about what is and isn't cheating, always having to be right, doing things to "test" their partners, snooping their partner's email or facebook or texts, etc.

Is this more common in NT girls than Aspies? It seems like a lot of that "unwritten social rules" kinda stuff that I just don't follow. I prefer to be straightforward, say when something is bothering me, talking things out instead of making assumptions, etc.


Testing your partner and snooping on your partner is not a game, it's having a lack of trust in the relationship. And I don't know what to say about the rest but it's not just a girl thing or a NT/AS thing.



Onewithwings
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13 Mar 2014, 1:21 pm

Oh, sure, a lot of them do, for sure, but I'm asking specifically about women in this case. The stereotypical behavior of saying something that means something else completely or assuming that if a guy really loves you he can read your mind or whatever.


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lostonearth35
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13 Mar 2014, 2:00 pm

As a single, possibly asexual aspie woman I don't really get the games men or women play.



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13 Mar 2014, 2:43 pm

I do not get the games nor have I played them.


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13 Mar 2014, 2:44 pm

Onewithwings wrote:
Oh, sure, a lot of them do, for sure, but I'm asking specifically about women in this case. The stereotypical behavior of saying something that means something else completely or assuming that if a guy really loves you he can read your mind or whatever.


I'm NT, & I don't like game playing. IMHO, men usually start it, because some of them have a greater need to control. That's a situation that needs to end, rather than playing games back @ him. Why hang in for more crap?
"If you don't know what I mean, then I certainly Not going to tell you!" That's a game played by some women with other women as well as with men.
"I know what you want better than you do." That's a game played by men, almost always with women.



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13 Mar 2014, 2:50 pm

I'm not sure it's unwritten, as I see it given as advice online, in articles or magazines, etc. The "point" of them is to do things like make a guy feel that you're not too easy and thus uninteresting, which just seems like carrying on with a bad match for you, anyway.



AspieKyttie27
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13 Mar 2014, 3:28 pm

I don't get it and I don't put up with games.



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13 Mar 2014, 3:52 pm

I don't play [that type of] games. I don't really understand them.

(I am a female with Aspergers.)



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13 Mar 2014, 3:54 pm

lostonearth35 wrote:
I don't really get the games men or women play.


Same here. Most of the shenanigans men and women do to hurt or manipulate each other in relationships baffles me. I don't have any patience for it. If you have feelings, say them. If you're scared, say so. If you're mad about something, let them know. If you want something from someone, tell them. Doing anything else is just so counterproductive.


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Onewithwings
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13 Mar 2014, 4:31 pm

I suppose, I don't really read those sort of magazines/websites anyway. I don't understand the purpose of the "games" as a lot of what it's trying to achieve could be better achieved through open, honest communication. (Things like what does your partner like/dislike about you, what do they feel their part is in the relationship, how can they respond to your needs and vice versa, how do they feel about their exes and are they still in touch, what should be considered cheating, etc) I just don't see the point in manipulative ways of finding these things when, in a trusting relationship, you should be able to talk openly about it without fear or resentment. I don't know if it has anything to do with NT/ND types, I just know that a lot of the "typical" girls I talk to seem to think these things are normal and healthy in a relationship.


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starvingartist
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13 Mar 2014, 4:37 pm

i'm not so sure about games women play, i mostly relate to the OP in that regard, but...

NinsMom wrote:
"I know what you want better than you do." That's a game played by men, almost always with women.


if i hear this from one more man, in one form or another.... ugh. this or "i understand women's issues and experiences better than you do" or "you only THINK that's what you think because i haven't corrected you yet" etc etc etc ad nauseum.

actually, after 35 years of intense study, i'm quite sure i know myself and my own experiences pretty damn well, thanks.



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13 Mar 2014, 6:16 pm

The games are stupid and I don't play them.


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13 Mar 2014, 6:42 pm

I think games are just a dance ..a mating dance..and if it works well it means you found the right partner, and if it grates on you it means you have to keep looking



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13 Mar 2014, 6:56 pm

starvingartist wrote:
i'm not so sure about games women play, i mostly relate to the OP in that regard, but...

NinsMom wrote:
"I know what you want better than you do." That's a game played by men, almost always with women.


if i hear this from one more man, in one form or another.... ugh. this or "i understand women's issues and experiences better than you do" or "you only THINK that's what you think because i haven't corrected you yet" etc etc etc ad nauseum.

actually, after 35 years of intense study, i'm quite sure i know myself and my own experiences pretty damn well, thanks.


Really? Who are these men that say such things? I mean, don't get me wrong, I come across plenty of men who think they know everything there is to know about everything and most of them are under the age of 40 but I've never been with anyone who thought he understood me or women better than I did. To be fair, I have recently given to wondering if the mere sight of me makes men's balls fall off, but still..


Edit... no, I do stand corrected, I see what you mean now (I think). I did have this delightful experience with my ex, but to be fair he is not really right in the head. And I've had waaaaaaay more of that kind of experience with women, than men, so, you know, ..people just like to get their own way, is all.