Recently diagnosed and very nervous.

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Hi, I'm new here. I'm a 23 year old married female recently diagnosed with Aspergers (diagnosed last Thursday). While my husband is very supportive, understanding, and truly believes I've received the right answer from my doctor, I'm very, very anxious about letting the rest of the world know...sorry for the block of text that is about to follow but I don't know what to do and who to turn to about this.

My father (who raised me) is VERY anti-doctor and doesn't believe in mental health issues/autism. My whole life, when I would have moments of anxiety/depression, he would laugh at me and tell me to shut up. I have some obsessive compulsive tendencies and have been a hypochondriac my whole life, but it always was a preoccupation with varying physical diseases and never mental ones. However, I recently turned to my brother (who displays extreme Aspergers traits but has never seen a doctor because of my dad) and he said I was a hypochondriac and to shut up (literally) even though I was awaiting test results from the doctor. I thought he would understand because he is different too, but he didn't.

My whole family just thinks I'm annoying and weird. They've said so themselves and there's a lot of reasons as to why (I talk too much about things they don't care about, I don't understand sarcasm when it is over done, I've dropped out of school three times, I tend to get overwhelmed and cry, etc). I know it can be hard to believe, but it is true. I didn't have a supportive family and grew up in a very abusive household.

This reaction my family is sure to have is one of the reasons I'm afraid to let the disability office at my college know about my situation, even though I could use some of the assistance with quiet testing rooms. One of my teachers is certain I am an antisocial, rude person and I don't have the right personality to work with people (she pulled me aside at the beginning of the year because I was off to a bad start socially and told me this). I'm afraid that if she finds out what it is exactly that I am diagnosed with, she will tell my prospective employers and I won't get a job. Not only that, but I'm afraid she will think I'm faking and make my days in class harder than they've already been. Most of the teachers probably will think so anyway, due to the fact that I can act fairly NT at first glance.

I really hope this makes sense but between being diagnosed and family stress and school, I'm very anxious and I don't know what to do. My husband is the only person who truly understands but I don't think he understands why this is causing me stress. I don't have any close friends to talk to about this so here I am. Thanks for reading.

You make plenty of sense. It's understandable why you're as anxious as you are. Time will help your husband to see why you're stressed. It took my husband decades. You know your stress is coming from worry over what other people think and say. It's good to be aware, but it's unhealthy to be in fear.

You can only overcome a fear by replacing it with a greater fear. Not all fear is bad. There is only one fear that brings the courage and strength we need to overcome all things in this world. I will not state it here in this post. It's not because I'm afraid to. It's because there is no evidence it would be welcomed.

Good to hear that you have a supportive spouse--that should help a lot!

There is a lot to deal with all at once--I suggest you prioritize and handle stuff one at a time, instead of a all at once. Most Aspies are lousy multi-taskers.

unless you ask a teacher for a reference, they would never deal with a prospective employer, so don't let that fear stop you from getting help.

I'm in a tech program at the local college, so the teachers set up internships and the doctors call the teachers after we intern with them and ask how we get along with others, why they should/shouldn't hire us, etc. I wouldn't be so worried if I didn't get a job immediately after the program, except that the profession I'm going into is part of a small community. Because I have no work experience in this field yet, the doctors would have to call my college for a reference. The teacher in charge of most of the internships does not see eye to eye with me. Hubby has told me not to worry but it was nerve wracking before I was even diagnosed.

Thanks for responding, everybody. I am a terrible multitasker and I get very overwhelmed very quickly so I'm not dealing with this situation too well.

Maybe you and your husband could put together a list of stuff to do and prioritize--maybe he could keep track of what needs to be done so you can concentrate on doing stuff as a single tasker--he can make sure that anything really important isn't ignored...

Don't be so afraid to let the disability office know of your current situation. They are there so that they understand and provide any assistance when necessary. Quiet testing rooms are wonderful and disability office people are good resources to have around. Perhaps ask them to see if there are any disability clubs or meetings so you can meet people and make friends.

First of all, it sounds like she won't have the chance to talk to someone until you've already interned. See if you can get an understanding professor to set up your internships and be your point person at the school. It might not seem that way right now, but you will find professors who will accept and understand you, and be good mentors to you. I had some troubles with a professor my junior year of college, and I simply made sure that I did not interact with him again and that he had no say in my coursework or graduation. However, I also found some wonderful, caring professors who were in my corner, bith in college and in grad school. When you are headed for an internship, ask this professor you get along with if you may give their name to the doctor you work with as the person to speak to when they contact your school. The doctor does not have to speak with someone who has an unreasonable grudge against you!

Second of all, do you have an adviser? Form a good relationship with him or her. Ask to meet during office hours, soon, and share your condition and your concerns. If he or she is judgmental, get yourself to the dean of students and say it's not a good fit -- however, most professors will understand. These are people who are highly educated and want to share their knowledge with you. Your adviser will be an ally for you, if you truly think this professor is mistreating you. Document what you go through, and if it continues for more than a month, bring the documentation to your adviser. If she does not provide you with the provisions your school offers for students with Asperger's, you have a legitimate complaint. She is REQUIRED to allow you to take advantage of those provisions. She cannot deny you the things your college says you need.

Your adviser should also help allay your anxiety about sharing your results with your school. You are over 18, you are a legal adult and the college needs your written permission to share the results with your family. If you do not want your parents to know of your diagnosis, your college will not notify them. Since you are married, I assume your live with your husband and not at home, so they won't even seen mail from the college! (Just make sure the college has your home address and not your parents' on file. If you and your husband live with your parents, have them send ALL mail to your student mailbox so you can sort it ahead of time.) Your brain is wired differently from most people's, and you need special conditions to optimize your learning experience. I'm sure you want the best education you can get, so submit your test results so the school can help you meet those conditions. Remember, most professors and your school want you to do well; they really do.



It makes perfect sense. I bet a lot of people here have had some stress when they were first diagnosed. I was terrified my friends would reject me. Shortly after my diagnosis, I was walking to a movie theatre with a group, and one guy began whacking himself across the chest with his arm, and said, "Look at me, ha, I'm Autistic, duuuuuh!" and I nearly burst into tears. My husband thought we should tell everyone about my diagnosis, but I did not want to at first. However, when I did, no one reacted badly at all. People who knew what it was were like, "Oh, okay," and people who didn't either didn't give a damn or asked me about it and listened. I think you will find that your classmates, friends, and professors will generally be very understanding. (And I've often been told I seem NT at first, too, so I can promise you that people will still believe you about your diagnosis!)

Perhaps you could have the disability office speak to the professor on your behalf?

I disclosed I have AS in college and they kicked me out of college because they didn't want someone like me in their program. Absolutely DON'T disclose or you could be vulnerable to being victimized by the college and as for the disability office who do you think writes their paychecks? It's the college and they won't go against the people who pay them. Nor do they care one bit about you.

You have no business making yourself more vulnerable if you want to actually succeed in your chosen career. I lost everything from disclosing to the Disability office that I have AS. Your anxious well you have a right to be anxious as them finding out could ruin the rest of your life like it did mine. From the minute they found out I had AS they started plotting to get rid of me and I have the emails to prove it. Frankly you should not expose yourself like that and just be glad that prof. isn't your adviser. The prof that was in charge of internships at the college and the director of the program I went to made sure I knew AS was the reason I was being kicked out of college.

Oh and I am American.