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RawSugar
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16 Feb 2013, 5:46 pm

I need the help of married/engaged women.
How do you know when someone is the one?
I mean my mom tried to explain it to me, but that was an epic fail as I didn't quite understand it.
I think I'm in love, but I'm not sure.
Halp.



MountainLaurel
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16 Feb 2013, 8:05 pm

Quote:
How do you know when someone is the one?

Those who have found the one know it and feel it innately. They say, in retrospect; "I just knew."

If you think you are in love but are unsure; he is either not the one, or the two of you may not yet know. (Some say that they knew from the first meeting, others did not know until a later point in time.)

If he does not love you in return he is not the one.

Here is my advise; even if you're in love with him and he tells you that he loves you in return; do not marry anyone until you have spent at least a year dating. Spend a year together in the same zip code, see each other multiple times a week, so that you experience each other in lots of situations and moods.

Many women know he's the one until he is more thoroughly revealed to her and turns out to be definitely not the one. I am not saying that couples who marry quickly are doomed to failure. Some of those marriages work. I am simply giving advise that can help avoid disaster.

If after a year or more of dating, both parties still feel that the other is the one; perhaps they are "the one" for each other.

In other words; if you're not sure, then he's either not the one, or he's not yet the one. Plus even if you are sure; he still may not be the one.

In the mean time, enjoy the process.



MjrMajorMajor
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16 Feb 2013, 8:43 pm

While I didn't marry him to much later, my husband has always had an open steadfastness about him which drew me in. Everyone looks for different qualities in a significant other, and I was looking for loyalty, trustworthiness, and a mean sense of humor.... :wink:



hyperlexian
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17 Feb 2013, 8:42 am

RawSugar wrote:
I need the help of married/engaged women.
How do you know when someone is the one?
I mean my mom tried to explain it to me, but that was an epic fail as I didn't quite understand it.
I think I'm in love, but I'm not sure.
Halp.

i don't subscribe to the idea of "the one". it would actually be kind of disrespectful to both my ex-husband and my current boyfriend >.>

i think we each meet a certain number of people that we are potentially compatible with in our lives, and with a select few of those we could fall in love. and with a select few of those, we could make a long term relationship work. it feels quite wonderful to be with such a person, but i don't think it's a magical romantic soul-mate sort of thing.


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rai
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19 Feb 2013, 12:40 am

For my and my fiance, our experiences of discovering one another was the one were different. However, I'm AS and he's NT.

My interactions with him were different from other people from the start. I think a lot of it just comes down to compatibility. He and I are compatible in so many ways that at first it kind of made me feel really nervous and startled, like after I started realizing it. Another thing I noticed is that there's a genuine sense of belonging. It does also really help that he is extremely patient and understanding, and instead of putting me down/shutting me out for my differences, he does his best to see things from my point of view. That in itself isn't easy, and there have been challenges and arguments. But back to the main point, there's a strong connection between us, and I believe it to be based off compatibility. We've got a similar sense of humor, enjoy many of the same things, and he and I have a lot of strengths and talents that are complimentary. I don't remember exactly when I realized that he was the one, but it wasn't just one thing that made me realize this. It was a compound of many things. At some point, after a few months, I realized that I didn't want to imagine the rest of my life without him being a major component of it.

For my fiance, he claims that he knew there was something about me when he first talked to me and that it left him wanting to get to know me more, and that after a few weeks, although he didn't know that much about me that he was captivated and in love with me. He said that ever since our first conversation I kept going through his head ever since.



metaldanielle
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22 Feb 2013, 12:34 am

I am neither married, nor engaged, but I can tell u what my mom told me.

Think about his worst traits. Whatever annoys you. (If you think he has none, wipe the goo-goo eyes of your face and try again, :lol: ) Now imagine those things getting worse, maybe much worse. Ask yourself, "Can I live w/ this for the rest of my life?" Then you have your answer.


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mercifullyfree
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22 Feb 2013, 9:13 am

There is no "the one." Just finding someone you are long term compatible with and willing to deal with faults and rough patches together. "The one" idea is kind of storybook Hollywood and leads to people feeling attached to someone they get that initial rush of romantic infatuation for, but they aren't really compatible, just in love with the idea of the love.