How to support a friend after losing a child?
Kjas
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Joined: 26 Feb 2012
Age: 35
Gender: Female
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Location: the place I'm from doesn't exist anymore
I was at a small gathering the other day with a few acquaintances and friends from multiple age groups, the youngest was 18 and the eldest was 60. They were doing silly things such as tarot reading and pendulums and such, when I noticed the youngest in the group froze and shut down quite badly when they tried to do a pendulum on her to find out how many children she would have in future. (please note: not my thing, but all of the other women there are into it except for 2 of us) She was exchanging looks with her mother and then I remembered what she had told me last time I saw her.
I pulled her aside straight away and left the older women to themselves and gave her an excuse to come inside with me so she could get away from it and to make sure she was ok. She broke down inside and told me not long ago she had an abortion (which I remembered) and was having trouble dealing with it (which I did not know). She's 18 and has had a steady boyfriend for over 3 years who supported her through everything, and her mother knew and agreed with her decision but she clearly still is having trouble with it many months later.
I was wondering if the women here could give me some perspective.
I have two main questions:
Is there anything I can do to help, and is there anything I should avoid?
If any of you have had abortions, miscarriages, or lost children whether born or unborn, would you be able to explain what it was like and your own personal experiences so I can be able to understand and help her better?
I know this is an extremely sensitive subject but her mother, sister and boyfriend are at a loss for what to do and it's been more than 9 months, she has been so traumatized by then entire thing that she has sworn never to do it again. Her mother wants me to speak with her since I am a clinical psychologist but this area is honestly not my specialisation, she just wants to know if she will need therapy - which she will likely refuse but she may allow me to do it, but in order to do that I need some understanding of the personal experience itself. I've done reading and research and looked at studies, but I still don't have any personal experiences to be able to understand it firsthand and in the first person.
NOTE: Please keep all legal, political and moral views out of this. This is purely about personal experiences and how they effect the people in question.
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Kjas
Veteran
![User avatar](./download/file.php?avatar=65312.jpg)
Joined: 26 Feb 2012
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,059
Location: the place I'm from doesn't exist anymore
![Sad :(](./images/smilies/icon_sad.gif)
Her mother and partner have already suggested that and she has refused it multiple times. She doesn't want to do it publicly or with somebody she doesn't know. I know she's worried about being judged since she was still 17 when she had the abortion done and she's never been overly comfortable discussing major things with strangers to begin with.
I agree it would be the ideal way, but she is not willing.
_________________
Diagnostic Tools and Resources for Women with AS: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt211004.html
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