Burnout, Loop and Stress in general

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Thanks to the kind answers I'm receiving on the board and to tge way too many videos, articles and websites I'm analyzing, I think I start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel... as much as I like trains, I really hope this time it's not one

So... Kjas wrote

Which raised even more questions... I wonder if forum rules would allow this thread to be my personal whatever question about Asperger thread (personal or shared in case others feel like adding questions).

Anyway... First a brief answer to Kjas: thank you, still I find it difficult to look for a new job, appart from the job market crisis striking this poor mess of a country, I find it really difficult to break the routine... I've been working here for 3 years now, waking up at the same time, drinking coffee while changing the server's backup disc, I even got used to spending the whole day in the same office as my 2 collegues and my Boss. It's hard enough thinking that soon we might lose one of our collegues who's being fired... they promised me they won't be hiring anyone else soon and I will have time to get used to the change and prepare for a potential new collegue, but the Boss said it's going to be a matter of years. After last year's huge fight they have started giving for granted I have difficulties processing changes and they have stopped threatening me to take me abroad to visit customers.

Back on topic...

Burnout: okay, so, in your experience burnout is a consequence of prolonged stress activities... How am I supposed to hammer in my mother's head that I may be weird but having her put her nose in my stuff makes me meltdown? I tried, I told her about Aspergers, we took the online test together, I read ger the characteristics of an Aspie and she agreed this can be the solution, she even state "oh! This must be why you were so diffent from any other child!" (thanks mom -.-" ) But when I introduced the subject of my wardrobe she answered "You will have to adapt" WTF?!? Apologies for the achronime but I can't find better words to express it.

Loop: Do you ever get stuck in loops? Like suddenly seeing your gead sprint towards a subject, any subject... Let's take cooking... so, your head starts proceccing cooking, which means finding every possible recepe and variation thereof, discarding uninteresting ones meabing too simple ones or those with unwanted ingredients, then spend the following 3 months going on with this process and testing the recipes forgetting about anything else around you, then you suddenly get bored and forget about it falling in another loop like let's say a videogame... it happens to me a LOT, to the point that it becomes frustrating because I realize I'm not seeing out of my head and it feels like I'm going crazy... plus I can't sleep or I wake up in the middle of the night with a sudden epiphany about it, when at work I find myself vrowsing the net about such loop subjects rather then working, it really gets to the point of preventing me from living. As if it wasn't enough my brain is totally unable to stop, I can go so in depth with a subject to write to an expert to have further explanations of stuff I find illogic. What are these loops? Are they good or bad thing? How can I deal with them?

Stress: I will ask about this too, just for now I would appreciate any definition of stress.

Thanks in advance! Namasté!

I don't really have any answers. I can only sympathize. I get burned out. I am exhausted just now. So tired. I had a bit of stress trying to work out a new social situation since I've moved I've been sort of accepted into the social group of someone I know, but I don't really feel like I fit in. They are all nice women and seem to like me, but I feel like they don't really know me, I feel like I'm playing along at the moment. This is causing me stress because... well I don't know why. I think because it's something I can't control. I feel like I'm going to drop the ball at any moment.

I found this link on stress and thought it was interesting:

Stress Symptoms

I get caught in loops too. Like recently I've been obsessed with abandoned buildings and keep looking up pictures on flickr. At some point I'll get bored with it and move onto another loop I can't get out of. I'm learning a new language so I'm getting a bit obsessed with that now. I was up late last night playing a numbers game. I think the loops as you call them makes us really good at certain subjects and can be viewed as a good thing in that sense.

With regards to your mother. I think your mother needs to understand that you are an adult and can look after yourself. If you maybe explain that you appreciate that she cares about you and wants the best for you, but you feel like you need a bit of space and trust from her that you can make the right decisions for yourself, then maybe she won't feel like you are taking away her role as a mother. Some mothers need to feel that they are always needed. Reassure her that you aren't trying to cut her out of your life it's just that little birds have to grow up and fly away from the nest.

Okay, about loops (I find it easier to focus on one thing at a time, and you seem on my page about that): forum rules do not let me post links so I will have to use my own words. What brought me here was exactly loops... i took a test online a bunch of days ago, Meyers Briggs to be precise, and I scored INTP, I read tons of stuff about that and I really can view myself in the profile, still, although INTPs share with Aspies the loop thing, the way it's described is less of a loop then what I experience. INTPs generally get focused on a subject and start gathering information about it, but when the subject needs too specific and in depth knowledge they would forget about it and leave it for another time which time will never come. INTPs have also difficulties relating with other types, a tendency to lack empathy towards others and a propension to try to explain feelings with logic, whatever doesn't pass the test of logic INTPs will label as false. No single profile I read though would explain the following:

1) I borrowed from the library books about antropology and studied them all in depth with the goal of gaining a better understanding of the books written by Kathy Reichs and the logic behind it. I didn't stop until I reached the knowledge I wanted, I even studied neurology books and the brain to access the areas of antropology I wouldn't be able to access otherwise.

2) I spent 5 months studying algebra because I wanted to understand the rules behind the formula of the sectio aurea which I considered necessary to develop a theory I was forming in my mind about human evolution. Theory that has been fully developed and written on a word file that has gone lost in the mess of my pc because once finished I got bored and passed to painting.

3) I seem to be able to learn foreign languages almost automatically, honestly I don't even need to study grammatic rules, I listen carefully and eventually I will find out I understand and can speak some. Like the day my Ungarian friend told her mother she didn't want to go back and get her jacket and I answered instinctively "oh come on it only takes a minute" without realizing she had actually spoken Ungarian.

4) When i get "stuck in a loop" I can't focus on anything else at all, I forget to do the laundry, to clean the house even to eat... I have record of full days spent at home doing nothing but switching on the pc and looking up a few things early in the morning, but when I stood up from the chair it was late in the evening.

5) I never get angry for things that drive other people mad, but I can litterally meltdown throwing stuff around the room and loosing every bit of control if someone puts the forks in the wrong position in the drawer, I want the fork to be placed at the left of the dish and the knife on the right, any other solution makes me extremely uncomfortable and I HAVE to fix it. A logic gap in conversation makes me blow up like a nuclear bomb and in the attempt to put some order in the conversation I can become extremely destructive.

What concerns the phisical part of the Asperger's characteristics instead, they do not apply to me at all.
I just had a conversation on the phone with my councellor and I told her about my thoughts, she said that what concerns the exterior part of the matter Aspergers has nothing to do with me, but as soon as I mentioned the loops and the way they work she said "oh! I see what you mean! Yes, it COULD be a slight Asperger's Sindrome, anyway if you have such thought issues I would suggest you look for a good psychiatrist specialized in Autism and should it not be Asperger's they will provide instruments to cope with watever the matter is, then please call me back and we can see if and how I can help"

o.O

That is very normal. We are all individuals and not easy to put into boxes.

I read this in the guardian newspaper the other day: Guardian Article link

I quote this to stress that different experiences and our own individual make-up can influence how we act and react to situations in our daily lives and these behaviours may not easily be pinned to one specific "syndrome" or "disorder."

I've always believed that an obsessive compulsive nature is born of a need to make oneself feel protected. If someone moves a fork, then you feel like you have had your personal space invaded and need to restore order to feel safe again. It's completely understandable, but also difficult for others to understand when they have to remember to work by those rules when ordinarily they don't have to in their own home.

A therapist specialized in autism would probably help you work out how to cope or find out if there is an ocd aspect to your behaviour as well.

Can relate to 4 and 5. I need the same placement, and the same order in most things. I don't get destructive if they're not--I panic and freeze up. I completely lose my bearings. I can make adjustments, but I have to be forewarned about them. If I have it in my head to do X and Z and I'm asked to do Y, I panic. Some days are better than others though.

Agreed and I can see the point of mentioning the obsessive-compulsice disorder, nothing to add or ask to what you said I'd rather procede with the other interesting part of your previous post.

You mentioned stress being with people and said you can't fit in. Needless say it's the story of my life also, to the point that I have no suggestion but rather a few questions.

1) I hope it didn't make you feel too bad that I didn't address the matter before, from what I studied about communication the thing to do would have been answer this part first, because this is what actually interests you. I didn't because I can't find the right words to say, I'm not good at comforting and I'm always afraid to do a mess.
I'm trying to apologize

2) what exactly makes you feel that tired?
In my case it's the effort of scanning every word pronounced by others in the (sometimes useless) attempt to detect potential sarcasm, keep on the same page as others, detect eventual jokes to avoid answering seriously to BS. Basically in social settings I spend my time applying the rules of social interaction I've studied at the university and I was told about by close persons (like family), which ends up with me needing an awful lot of time more then anybody else. Jokes for example, the delay between other's laugh and mine is often very painful for me, most of the time I look at what others do and simply copy and paste, if caught unprepared I will play my jolly card "Oh sorry, I wasn't paying attention, you were saying?" . After a few hours out I really could sleep for ages, appart from feeling completely off balance and lonely.

Mom doesn't warn when she does whatever goes through her mind T_T but that would help me too!
My bf can work complete revolutions to my routine by simply giving me the time to process the change and reset my brain

I am not at all offended Tthere is a lot to try and learn when first discovering autism and there are many questions to ask you can't ask them all at once. This quote from you also explains why I get so tired around people. I do or say something and then look back at what I've done and worry that I have said the wrong thing. Then I worry that I've offended someone. I had a meltdown at the weekend because I wasn't sure how I was meant to respond to an invitation. I decilned, then worried I had offended the person. It's all so confusing sometimes.

I read a bit about INTP and this quote describes me well:


If I'm not yet comfortable with who I am with I feel like I should keep my mouth shut till I can work out what is going on.

I am my own worst enemy because I worry about appearing too different to other people and I get angry with myself because I don't fit in as easily as other people. Sometimes I appear aloof or pretentious because I enjoy things that are not mainstream. Everyone will like the band One Direction and I will like Echo and the Bunnymen (which would have been mainstream 25 years ago) I always seem to be out of sync with everyone else. But I think people think I'm trying to be deliberately obscure as if I think I'm better than them, when i don't think that at all.

I get tired because I spend too much energy over thinking things.

Oh! I see... mine is more a sense of inadequacy for my life motto... My difficulties with people and what I described above are a consequence of a TRUE statement I have been repeating as a mantra all my life through to apologize in social situations:
"I can't tell if people are joking or being serious"

I generally avoid any reaction waiting for further clues when facing the situation, like I suddenly freeze. Be it with people I don't know or with my very parents, sometimes I react the right way, sometimes I take jokes serously, sometimes I take serious sarcastic comments as jokes... This is tremendously embarassing... Can you immagine the guilt feeling after laughing in the face of your very father who's beyond angry for something that you did wrong? Or the feeling when the same occours with the person you love when they were trying to convey disappointment?
Trust me death wish for a brief instant is the least that can happen, feeling stupid is an understatement...

Now, does this explain why I can relate with Aspies?

Since the ranting has started, I'll brong it on or it will srick in my head for ages.

If I am in a specific social setting like a bunch of friends laughing together and making jokes, I am perfectly able to play along until someone changes mood or the whole party decides to stop, those two moments leave me in a total blurr, I generally get accused of overdoing, not knowing when it's time to stop, or being insensitive according to the kind of mistake I've done.

If I'm engaged in a one on one conversation and a joke gets thrown in, sometimes I overhear it on purpose, sometimes I will take it as sarcasm and answer accordingly and wrong, sometimes if it's poibted out I will take it and play along.

If someone answers to something I said with sarcasm, I will instantly freze and panic.

I totally lack the ability to tell by myself if it's humor or not. I've been told countless times it's impossible, and I very often feel I'm crazy or stupid, still that's how things are... I can forget about it for long periods, until I'm faced with the problem yet again. Forgetting about it doesn't prevent it from happening, it only means I'm so absorbed in something else that I oversee it.

I still remember it was 1987, a sunday afternoon in autumn, I was insisting that I wanted to watch cartoons and my parents had other programs for the afternoon, my father exploded and said "when I was a child I used to walk miles to watch cartoons, I hate them!" He said it in dialect and my answer was a loud laugh, I thought he was joking...
From that moment on I realized it happened sistematically

So, honestly, I really don't care about loops or meltdowns, burnout or stress, those are things I've learned to live with, but I desperately want to know why I can't just be like everybody else! Why I can't take jokes for jokes and non-jokes for non-jokes, why I have to pay extra attention every time I try to socialize, why my life has to be so different from everybody elses? Be it Aspergers or whatever else it doesn't matter how it's labelled, I only NEED to know why!


This said, I apologize for the long ranting